Monday, 14 March 2011

stalking made easy

I’ve never had a real life stalker, well not to my knowledge.
Which does mean that if I have then mine was a good one. Or possibly still is.

As far as I’m aware the closest I came was an ex who would suddenly appear in certain places he knew I was in the habit of going to. He wasn’t exactly stealth about this though, in fact he’d be shouting to me the minute I walked in the pub/ club/ café. I was just glad he didn’t know which beauty salon I used.
Can just imagine it now, me on the couch getting my nether regions waxed and….........................

fyi, I am not really this hairy

I did once have this fella that I’d chatted to for an hour on msn, then decided he was boring. Every day for about three weeks after, each time I logged in he’d left me a message.
Eventually it stopped being funny so I emailed him and told him I wasn’t interested nor would I ever be.

Yeah, I know I coulda just blocked him but my inner bitch wanted to be mean.

Half and hour later I got an email from him entitled “I hope this makes you change your mind”.
In my dating site profile where I'd met him it said I liked men with shaved heads, although his wasn’t.
When I opened the email there was a picture of him with a newly shaved head.
Not only a stalker but desperate.
And blocked.

However with Facebook we have a new breed of stalker entirely.
And these ones don’t even try to hide the fact that they’re stalking you.

I’ve been very sort of guilty of that myself….if it’s a fit fella.
I’ll perv look at his pics, see if he’s single and have a stalk peep to see if he’s a flirt or a fraud.
And I’m female, I love a bit of juicy gossip as much as the next nosey bitch and some people just love to put their whole lives up for all to see.
People are often a bit more transparent online.
Even the fake accounts…cos that tells you a fucking lot about a person.

Well it tells you they’re hiding something - might not be bodies under the patio but I’m not taking any chances.

But the kind of stalkers I’m on about - and I’ve had a few of these, are the people who are vague acquaintances, you might not know them that well, but there’s no real reason to not add them.
Then it starts.

Cowgirl is fucking fucked off and fed up and I hate the fucking world FML.
Creepy Friend of a Friend Likes This   
You like that I’m clearly having a shitty day ?
Of course you do, you like every fucking thing I do on here.

Seriously if your status was ‘I’ve just done a massive fart and followed through’ they’d like it.
Then they start commenting, usually with an lol at the end, even if the comment wasn’t actually funny. Since when did lol become the get-out clause for annoying losers anyway ?
Then one day, you log in and see 45 notifications….
Yup, they’ve been looking at ALL your pics * and probably not for the first time, but now they’re letting you know they like them.

yes you ! creepy friend of friend

Then six of your friends message you asking who Creepy Friend of Friend is because they poked three and tried to add the others.

My friends and I also had an odd thing happen with a creep who sent me a request saying he was a friend of my mate Emma ( he was on her list) and was going to be promoting some club nights around our town, so I accepted. Then every day for about two weeks he was adding more and more - everyone thinking he knew everyone else - he didn't. And it turned out Emma didn't really know him either.
Once we had started talking about it we found out that he had asked three of my friends out on dates in the same week.

Of course with the privacy settings it’s very easy to secure your account from total strangers, but not everyone does this.
In fact I think some people don’t understand how it works.
I have a friend who was stalking checking her exes profile, she kinda let slip about something she’d read on his page, he told her she wouldn’t be able to do it anymore and blocked her but didn’t change his settings.
She just made a fake account and carried on snooping.

Although the problem with any kind of snooping is you usually end up finding out something you don’t like.
And how are you going to confront your boyfriend about the messages in his inbox without letting slip that you just happen to have found out his password ?
Or ask about the gay porn you found in the old shoebox buried at the back of his wardrobe ?

Ummm…. so, yeah….I… uh… was looking for a some toilet roll.
Don’t think so.

*If creepy friend is same sex as you these will be the pics of you having a good time with your mates.
  If creepy friend is male and opposite sex these will be all the pics where your tits look big.
  If creepy friend is female and opposite sex these will be the pics of you with your shirt off **
**Men may regard this as an opportunity rather then stalking.

I wrote this after reading a post about stalkers on another blog...please check it out, it’s quite new and very funny and has much better pictures then mine !


  1. I only use Facebook to keep an eye on bloggers I know. Anyone else is blocked without mercy.

  2. And now with Facebook's new updates, the ones where you don't even have to refresh the page to see the new comments, it makes it so much easier to stalk because, "i only saw it on my news feed!"

    I don't think Zuckerberg knows what he's doing, and if he is, he's stalking everyone.

    *twilight zone music*

  3. Yeah. I hate it when a creep FINALLY decided to look through all of your photos and they comment on EVERY SINGLE ONE all at once. Like, we've been friends for a while, and you've been stalking politely, and then out of nowhere you decided to make it very, very public.

  4. i've had real life stalkers ... had restraint orders against 2 of them ... but on fb, i'm so comfortable with not having fear that they could find me ... as long as i check off the box that says 'let fb say where i am'.

    ummmm ...


  5. even against your warnings i joined some local dating site in the hope of a little bit of fun.

    the site admin gave me a free week of gold membership but fuck knows what that is.

    in 1 week i have had 27 profile views and 3 emails.
    all the requests are FUGLYS, ew!

  6. I was just talking with some friends about how people "like" stuff that is completely inappropriate. For instance one of my FB buddies had a status that said "Had to take kid to the hospital, etc." And like 4 people "liked" it. WTF?

  7. Also, I have a friend who ends EVERYTHING with an LOL. "Just got admitted to the hospital for possible aneurysm LOL"

  8. @gorilla - I would've thought you belonged to Faceape ?
    @amp- then why does he keep deleting me? guess I'm not stalking material.
    @amak - you're right, its very creepy.
    @andrea - I turned that off too, but I have friends who use it all the time, they shoulda called that the stalking app. Worrying.
    @better - I did try to warn you.
    @cait - I know a few ppl that do that too, and it's very fucking annoying - kinda makes them look like idiots.

  9. Ha ha, I must admit I have been guilty of checking out the profiles of fit friends of friends, who I have never even met. Although the funniest thing I have seen is someone typing the name of the person they are attempting to stalk into their status update rather than the search box - giving the game away!

    I was with a group of friends the other day and we were talking about old school friends. We got onto talking about this particular person who had added most the people in my year at school but none of us knew who she was. However, most of the group had added her too, thinking that maybe they just didn't remember her. I found this funny (I hadn't added her myself). It turned out she was just a weirdo who had never even been to our school and was just going around adding people (why i don't know). Some people eh?

  10. @Darren, me and my friends had a similar thing happen, in fact im gonna update the post to include a bit about this person.

  11. luckily I have never had a experience with a stalker. thank fuck.


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