Tuesday, 29 March 2011

i know nothing

I like to think I’m quite open minded.

I don’t have any inhibitions when it comes to bedroom activities and I’ve had more then my fair share of wild moments. There have been plenty of times when I’ve been talking with friends and the subject turns to sex, which I have no issues talking about either, and I’ll say something about one of my adventures that without my meaning to shocks them.
When it comes to fantasies my attitude has always been that if the thought of something turns me on then I may as well do it. You should at least try it once, if you don’t like it then you don’t have to do it again but if you do…well…happy days.

There’s no harm in adding to your repertoire, doesn’t make me a slut just means I’m adventurous.

But anyway earlier today I saw a gadget called the Human Sex Map on another blog, and all I can say is clearly I must of actually led a fairly sheltered life.
I’ve never been remotely inclined to indulge in anything gross involving shit or animals but compared to a lot  of people I’ve spoken to I thought I was fairly liberated, (or maybe I just have no problem admittng it ) but I saw things on this map I’ve never heard of.
So of course I googled them.
Be rude not to.

Angry Dragon ?…yeah I’d be fucking furious and Dirty Sanchez isn’t just a TV programme.

Meet the Fuckzall....DIY anyone ?
I’ve tried the whole cyber sex/webcam thing, it didn’t do much for me, you’re still on your own wanking and honestly I think I’d rather watch porn, well at least they’re good looking.
Well as long you don’t put the words Ron and Jeremy in the search bar.
But apparently there is something called Telidonics, in my head I now have an image of a USB vibrator but I don’t thinks that’s quite it. 

Are you familiar with the term Abasiophilia ? Apparently it applies to people who have a fetish for users of orthopaedic devices such as leg braces or even wheelchairs.
Does your partner have a habit of leaving things on the stairs where you’re liable to trip ?
Is he or she a reckless driver, ever found yourself thinking that they are going to have an accident if they don’t slow down.

Yeah, I’d be worried.
The Violet Wand - reminds me of the dentist.
I watched a TV programme a while ago about men who are into Real Dolls, I thought it was hilarious, strange and also quite sad. Men who are so desperate for female company and yet for whatever reason don’t have a real woman.
They treat these dolls like they’re people though, they don’t deflate once they’re done with them they take them for days out or position them in front of the telly.

Weird Huh ? But I looked up Natori Masks and it seems some folk get off on wearing masks that make them look like they’re dolls.
Ever heard of Dacrynalgia ?
No, me neither but apparently there are people out there who are turned on by women crying. Each to his own but family funerals must be interesting.
I bet their friends all think they’re wonderful people too…”oh Steve, yeah he’s such a good friend, always willing to let you cry on his shoulder “.

Anyway I'm off to see if I can find a grope box and a monkey rocker on ebay, if you want to get your own map.... and you know you do - here’s the link. Human Sex Map
Enjoy !
 Update : Re, Real Dolls...someone just sent me this on facebook - omfg ! 
Purely platonic ? yeah, until the missus goes to bingo.
Look out for the boss eyed one, fucking hilarious.

And if any of them get broken and lose a leg I suppose he could always advertise them on an abasiophiliac site, there's bound to be one.


  1. It's missing a few things. I mean how can you have a Penetration Country and not have a DVDA region? Plus, the Dirty Sanchez is so passé; everyone's all about Blinding the Marlin now: which can be combined with the Mississippi Handbag technique for a truly awkward experience.

  2. One of my ex's loved when girls (me) cried. Said it was sexy.

    I found it disturbing.

  3. this was too funny!!! i love the gizmo at the top ... looks ... ummm ... interesting :)

  4. I know about the Natori Masks and dolls. But women crying? Is that associated with BSDM? It feels so but I am not sure.
    I found a link on Bra Cup Sizes of the World, and I am still fuming with disagreement.

  5. my innocence -1

    i knew dirty sanchez but learnt the angry dragon sooo bad/funny.

  6. I'm so thick I only just figured out how to post a comment .I wanted to thankyou for the kick up the arse,and I hope everything works out for your son in Spain. oh yes and I love the way you write I allways leave with a grin.

  7. @CMB, I'm gonna try that next time I get lucky -cheers for the tip.

    @amp, seems you were right to be concerned.

    @andrea, you think ?

    @psycho, I looked, but the associated penis map was enlightening - especially the grey areas.

    @better, glad to help with your education.

    @kiki, no probs and thanks.

  8. There is a blogger called El Barbudo who is turned on by women with runny noses. The filthy animal does about one post a year now.

  9. That Violet Wand looks...versatile. I mean, what the hell are all those attachments for? I can make melon balls, assemble a chair from Ikea, AND get my freak on? Yikes.

  10. My mind has been recently opened as well: I watched this documentary called "Fetishes" and holy shit. People are weeeird. To each his own, I guess.... Awesome post!

  11. enlightening post. i clicked the map link, and loved it! so much so, that i saved it to my health and wellness file in my bookmarks.
    i too googled some shit, and apparently, a glass dildo is named after me! i am honored. at the porn store i used to work at, we just called them glass dildos. 100 dollar glass dildos. pretty, but named so so mundane.

  12. I looked at the Human Sex Map. Apparently, despite having been in the Navy, I'm not a world traveler. I'm thinking this is a good thing.
    As far as wanking, Woody Allen (noted molester of stepdaughters) put it best: "It's sex with someone I love."


Tell me something I don't know.
Comments are moderated so spam me and you're going in the bin.