Thursday, 3 March 2011

little devils and angels without halos #1

The first in an occasional series of posts.

I spent about eight years working in childrens homes and have so many fond and funny memories from those days.
Some of the stories are too good not to share.

Obviously I am changing names, I doubt the kids or anyone who knew them would read this but I need to respect their confidentiality even now.

The young people I had the pleasure to know in that time were in care for any and every reason possible.
None of them ended up there because their histories were happy yet they never failed to amaze me with their ability, despite all that had happened to them, to retain a sense of humour.

Anyone whose ever worked with young people that have experienced any kind of abuse will have no doubt about the strength of the human spirit.

A lot of the time we laughed with them, although sometimes it was necessary to hide in the office to do so because they did something wrong but hilarious, and in our roles as substitute parents we had to be careful not to condone their behaviour.

Of all the places I worked the one I liked the most was a home that only took boys, all between 12 and 16 and frequently in the grip of teenage hormones and the ‘one-track’ minds resulting from that.

One day of the lads was sat in the dining room listening to music, I’m in the kitchen cooking and he shouts to me,
“what’s for lunch Cowgirl ?”
“pasta bake Jack”
“what ?…..” followed by hysterical teenage boy laughing.
I go into the dining room and ask him what is so funny about pasta bake….
“oh…more giggles…pasta bake….. I thought you said masturbate”

I didn't dare ask how he pictured lunch in his head.

Another day myself, two male members of staff and Jack along with a couple of other boys went to a nearby lake which was a local swimming spot.
Female staff didn’t go swimming - not a good idea to be in any state of undress in front of the boys - but the men would.
One of the staff, Alan, went to get changed and came back wearing a pair of tight speedos.
Cue giggling and sniggering from all the boys, but mostly Jack

Eventually Alan, who wasn't always entirely in tune with teenagers said,
“What are you laughing at Jack ?”
“For a grown man your not very big are you ?”
“Well Jack I don’t think it’s very appropriate of you to say that”
Jack is now having serious problems trying not to laugh even more and the other guy there had gone ‘to make sure the boys in the water are ok’ because he had also wanted to laugh.

I had no such excuse so was pretending to look in my bag.

Jack, however, had nothing to lose.
“I’m just saying . . . I think mines bigger then yours and I’m 14 and you’re a grown man”
“Jack I suggest you be quiet now before you get yourself into trouble”
“I’d be in trouble if my equipment was that small”
“Jack I’m warning you……”
“What are you gonna do Alan, your just jealous and if there wasn’t a lady present I’d get my knob out and challenge you to a duel”

After that remark I could no longer contain my laughter.

I did later apologise to Alan for not being more supportive, but Jack did have a point.
I also later found out that he had been told by a manager that the policies of the home said that male staff should wear shorts and not speedos for swimming.

to be continued.....


  1. BAHAAHAHAH! I can't decide if I feel more sorry for Alan, or more humored by his situation. To be fair, you wear speedos, you open yourself up to comments!

  2. Great stories!! I wonder if the women had all left if they WOULD have had a dual?!

  3. good story hehehe! my love works with abused women ... there are many good stories ...

  4. I had to laugh. I am glad you have started to do posts on your time working in these places. :) xxxxx

  5. This was hliarious!!!

    And the kid ..Jack had some spunk! No wonder you enjoyed there. Looking forward to reading more on these lines.

  6. @Bio..don't feel sorry, this particular man later turned out to be an idiot and the kids realised before the staff.

    @Blue..he would've got the sack if they did, which happened anyway but not for that reason.

    @A..I can imagine, I've worked in a womans refuge too.

    @B..Was after we were talking about it that I wrote this, there's plenty more to come.

    @Just..that made me lol, spunk in the UK is slang for sperm :)

  7. Hey, funny story!
    I am also interning in a substance abuse crisis center and the things we see there are sometimes comic. aah, peopple, will always surprise you :)

  8. I totally believe that resilience was a word invented by these kids.
    I really hope that this Alan chap has fully recovered from his trauma, otherwise, he too , will be needing some counselling. hahahahaha

  9. Penis duel? I'm assuming it means comparing sizes and not fencing using your genitalia like I am imagining.

  10. Oh, that was too funny. I loved it. I know a few kids who are in hmes, and they tough, but very surprisingly compassionate people, and VERY funny in their observations. Probably because they don't hold back.

  11. DCG, you left something on my blog. No wait, I left You something there.

  12. this is what a girlfriend and i refer to as :
    alot of hammock and not enough banana.
    feel free to pass that on in the uk!

  13. Oh man-what a dufus. There are a miniscule amount of scenarios in which a speedo is appropriate attire.


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