Friday, 6 April 2012

easter bunny

Normal service appears to have returned to England.

Our garages have fuel, the long queues are gone and in keeping with a typical British bank holiday weekend the weather has taken a turn for the worse. Parts of the country that were baking in sunshine last week are now covered in snow, thankfully I live in the South and we never get the worst weather but I am back to wearing Uggs on my feet that have tan lines from last week.
Very bizarre.
Global warming ? Global freezing more like.
Easter weekend is always a wash out though, it's as traditional as the delays that will no doubt plague all our airports, and the hoards of screaming brats happy smiling children that suddenly appear everywhere.
Not that it bothers me, as I have four days off work I plan to sleep. A lot. And hang wallpaper. And catch up on reading some blogs, I have not done that for ages so apologies if you are missing my inane drivel pearls of wisdom left in your comments.
And hopefully someone will buy me a HUGE chocolate egg.
Son has a new job, so hopefully if I post this picture on his facebook he might just take the hint.

I love Green & Blacks. . . does anybody want to send me some ? Please.

I might not be into Christianity but I am more then happy to indulge in any eating associated with it's various festivals. I'll even accept Christmas pudding if anyone's got any leftovers lying around in their cupboards ? That is probably the only thing I missed by spending last years Xmas laying on a beach, I did buy one that I planned to eat when I got back but the greedy wombfruit had scoffed the lot.

I was thinking about the Easter story today, as my friends kid was talking about stuff he had done at school, and there's a fair bit about it that really doesn't make sense to me. I suppose I am what some people might call spiritual, I believe in an afterlife (I've had my share of spooky encounters), reincarnation, karma and destiny, but I don't believe in God. I think that Jesus was an actual man who walked on Earth, but the stories about his life that are in the bible sound to me like he was some kind of Shaman or spiritual healer. And just like any story that gets written on a blog passed down through the generations it's been exaggerated and embellished.
I don't think he was the son of "God".
I think that all came about because people always want a rational explanation for anything they don't understand.

According to the story God sent his only son to earth in order to sacrifice him.
I'm a parent and if anyone tried to harm my son I would tear their fucking head off. And I'm just an ordinary (well ok maybe I'm a bit strange) woman, but if I was some amazing all-seeing omnipotent mistress of the universe and someone tried to hurt him ?
Yeah I think there'd be thunderbolts and lightening alright.
But no, apparently he allowed his only child to be sacrificed. Did they not have Social Services in those days ? If you said you were going to sacrifice your kid today they'd be taken into care.
Hardly the actions of a kindly benevolent normal parent.

Religious men advocating child abuse ?
I thought he was supposed to be Jewish not Catholic.

But anyway, apparently after this happened the crucified Jesus was put in a cave and a few days later he rose from the dead.
Since Christians aren't supposed to believe in reincarnation that can only mean one thing.
Jesus was a Zombie.

And it seems that I am not the only one to think so. This thought occurred to me earlier and when I googled "zombie Jesus" looking for pictures (try it, you'll see) for this post there is just loads of stuff about it on the net. And if it's on the Internet that must mean loads of people are brainwashed idiots believe it and if loads of people believe something then it must be true.
Isn't that how religions are started.
And political parties.

Dave's at it again too. His latest idea is all about allowing - well I'm not entirely sure who, but the police for one I guess - powers to read everyone's Internet communications. This is supposed to be about our national security and catching paedophiles, but then in today's world climate terrorism and child molesters are two issues that are guaranteed to get everyone riled up. So tell the public that's why you're doing it and they'll all agree it's a good idea.
Yeah, I'm not buying it.
Big Brother is watching you.
And Dave just wants to be able to hack into my msn and look at the pictures, and he's probably wondering if Obama and his new mate Sarkozy are talking behind his back.

Personally I think that the Internet has meant that a lot more perverts are caught then ever were before, they have always been there, but before the web and the way that enabled them to communicate and share filth it was all far harder to detect. In my opinion technology has made them easier to catch, find one with a computer and you find all his contacts too. How many times now do we hear of people being convicted based upon evidence that was found on their computers. And I'm damn sure MI5 have the same powers when it comes to finding terrorists.

So whatever Dave might say this new idea is really not going to make much difference there.

Is he planning to spend his days reading everyones emails now ?
Maybe he's going to be inspecting blogs as well. Good. He might finally find the letters I wrote to him and see sense.

Mind you, I will probably be far too busy and exhausted to help him run the country once my latest ebay find arrives. . . 

Nobody told me you could get Diesel powered injectors for your Vag.

Bit concerned about the shape of the thing but gotta be worth a try, even if the compatibility information isn't available. I'll let you know.
Rabbit ? This is my Easter Bunny.

I'm off to the garage, I need to stock up on Diesel just in case there's another shortage.

Happy Easter !
Watch out for the Zombies.


  1. Attention whore #1 at your service!

    I shall respond to your request for a photo of Zombie Jesus. Because I DO have one, I even snapped the photo myself.

    Stay tuned for the real meaning of EASTER...


  2. oh... and that "green and black's" choco is amazing. drrooolllinggg over here thinking about it! nom nom nom chocolate!

    1. Isn't it - the cherry one is my favourite.
      Or maybe the ginger...or...ah fuck it I like them all, and the dark stuff is fab for cooking with too.

    2. Violet @ Gratuitous Violet's Blob

      consider this the gratuitous link to the aforementioned Zombie Jesus post!!!! (perchance others may too enjoy?)

  3. Yes, yes, you made all kinds of smart good points about religion and politics and stuff, but I am most obsessing on the "easter tasting collection." it just sounds so lovely, like it's an admirable hobby, instead of just eatin' chocolates from a big ol' bag.

    ps thank you so much for the blogher comment. consider yourself owed.

    1. I thought mebe you could use the Vag injector for your next giveaway ?
      And no problem, I meant what I owe me ? Bearing in mind the giveaways I like the sound of that.

  4. I'm a Christian, but you've given me a completely new view of Easter. Zombie Jesus -- why didn't I think of that? Is the little girl portrayed writing politics on the wall a Banksy? I loves me a good Banksy.


    1. Spread the word Janie. And yeah I think it is, we have a book of his stuff - Son is a graffiti artist and loves him.

  5. I'm with you on the Green and Blacks DCG, their chocolate is one of the most delicious things out there, I love it!

    1. Agreed, I really like the little bars they do.
      So you can eat then without feeling guilty. And then eat another twenty.

  6. "I thought he was supposed to be Jewish not Catholic."

    I was laughing so hard I hurt myself. Just what I needed to start the day in a good mood.

    1. Dunno whether I should apologise or say I'm glad to help ...

  7. The sad thing is this isn't the first time that someone has tried to implement that crap here in the UK. I wouldn't be surprised if they already had it in 'Merica, but over here we stopped it before, and we can damn sure stop it again. It's just stupid, and I don't think it's going to cause many terrorists or paedophiles to be caught. I'm surprised anyone is listening to what he has to say after that pasty tax debacle really. Still waiting for us to insist we call him Leader or Fuhrer instead of Dave.

    1. Worrying aint it ?
      I think he wants to be president.

  8. I was happily reading along and had all of these comments full of wisdom about politics, fuel, religion but then you threw in the VAG diesel injector at the end and all of it went flying out the window. And, yes, I clicked on pic....I had to. I couldn't resist. I'm scared...LOL - men and their silly stuff!

    1. LOL You gotta wonder if whoever put that on ebay didn't realise that someone with a warped mind would find it.

    2. LOL - you know those ebay people are marketing geniuses

  9. Jesus may be a zombie but he isn't trying to eat our brains... it's our souls that he wants!

    I never heard of that kind of chocolate before... it seems everyone is wanting some of it. I'll just stick with my M&M's!

    Easter is just like any other holiday... it's all about buying and selling useless junk and candy!

    1. Well he ain't getting mine. I'm afraid the other fella might already have a stake in that.
      You are missing out, dunno if you can get G&B over there, but if you can it's worth trying.

  10. Hi! I found your blog through The Incoherent Rambling of a Moose! blog and I just wanted to say that I love it!

    After reading your thoughts on Easter, I can safely say that we think almost exactly alike and I look forward to reading more of your posts! :D

  11. That chocolate is the bomb...specially the dark shit!
    On a lighter note great post...and as we say here, Happy Roman Carpenters Day! Or Happy Nail and Whipmakers Guild Day!

    1. Whipmakers ?

      Sounds like my kind of day.

  12. I think Jesus was a Buddhist, anyway that's what I tell people that try to preach to me.

    1. He hung around with prostitutes and bearded men who worshipped him....

      Gay ?

  13. honestly? i couldn't take in everything you wrote because you just made me hungry for chocolate.

    and there's none in the house.

    and i can't walk to the store b/c my back is fucked ... again ...

    and i don't have a license to drive my car

    and i want chocolate.

  14. I want to see the picture Violet will soon show you, but until then, I prepare for the zombie apocalypse, which will definitely start on Easter.

  15. Cameron uses the same tactic as Facebook...
    Leak a few controversial ideas that everyone gets up in arms about....then introduce a watered down change and claim you've 'listened'...

  16. I like dirty cow girl now mind you I'm not the bunny kind of action kinda a girl but me thinks I talk a ride on my horse...U know to beak my case you didn't know I am a mother too...Loves me son like you do yours...stop my way I have funny pics of the kid and I


Tell me something I don't know.
Comments are moderated so spam me and you're going in the bin.