Monday, 19 September 2011

moronbook



There is this person on my facebook friends list who pretty much sums up the reasons why a lot of people are getting increasingly bored with it - that is the people who think we care about / feel the need to share every dull boring moment of their mundane life with the internet.
She's on my list because of her being a friend of a friend, which means that I have been forced to suffer had the pleasure of her company on a few nights out for birthdays etc, and since photos were taken and 'tagging' required she added me.
I keep her there because she never fails to remind me that my life is not as boring as I might think it is at times. 
And because she makes me feel intelligent.

Last week I checked my fb early Weds morning and saw this,


And they're going to be even later now that you felt the need to stop and tell facebook about it.
Why ?
In this situation most people would be thinking I need to phone the school not I need to update my status.
And why do you have to get a taxi anyway ? The schools not far from her house. Most people walk their kids to school, she's always moaning about having no money too. . . wonder why.

I saved that because I have started a post about bad parenting, but when I got to work I checked again and she had posted twice since. One about doing her housework (yawn) and the next one . . . .

And so as much as she fucking bores me she has become the topic of an entire post.
I don't blame you if you want to stop reading now.
But then why do I have to suffer alone. . . everyone who has a facebook account probably knows at least one person just like this moron.


His name is Jeremy you twat.
Seems I'm not the only one who thinks she's stupid. And she doesn't even realise when people are taking the piss, when I got home later I looked again and she had replied to me "lol I know".
And soon after she had posted this, yet another do we need to know moment.


Is her bath German ?
This was followed by three posts telling us that she was "going to get the kids from school" (another taxi), that the kids were "watching tv" and that she was "having a lovely cuppa and custard creams".
How the fuck does she cope with that much excitement in one afternoon. 
Then this. . . 



Followed by a post about the "yummy pizza and chips". . . . that's some healthy lifestyle example she's setting her kids. I suppose the tomato sauce counts as one of your five a day and the walk from the school gates to the cab is exercise.


She never replied.
Now I know I shouldn't mock someone's grief, she lost her Nan, over a year ago mind you, but she is forever posting these 'memorial' things to her. And she ALWAYS makes this same spelling mistake. I have wanted to make this comment so many times, and resisted, but because I was saving these for this post I decided that this was the day it had to be done.


Again no reply.
Then an hour later. . . . 


Probably trying to work out what obtuse means.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING US ??

Seriously, who cares.

This fuckwit is forever having arguments with the father of two of her children (she has four) and posts all about it, but then when people comment saying stuff she doesn't agree with she tells them it's "none of their business".
Then complains about people sticking their noses in. Also via fb status.
Yet she doesn't seem to grasp the fact that if you put your business out there OF COURSE people are going to know about it, because the other thing she is always moaning about is how everyone seems to know all her business.
I kid you not.
Fucking hypocrite.
I would delete her but I find it entertaining in a warped way, a bit like watching a car crash.

And before some smartass sheep decides to point this out to me I do know that writing this post makes me something of a hypocrite since I am forcing you lot to view it with me.
But I did say you should stop reading up there ^.

I often find that when I see or hear something that provokes me thinking or if something occurs in my life, I think "I'll blog about that". But while it might not be everyone's idea of interesting I only really do that if I feel there is a 'story' to be had from it. Or an essay.
But I wonder about the mentality of these idiots who seem to think that the world at large care what they had for dinner or watched on the telly, and feel the need to update their status every time they move off the sofa or change the channel. They seem to run with the idea that Facebook 'lets you share with your friends' and take it way too far, heaven help us if they decided to take up blogging too. Endless posts about how good Eastenders was last night and the queue in the post office.
(I honestly think I'd prefer to read a fashion blog).
Actually since most of them struggle to put a coherent sentence together that's not very likely.

As my Mum used to say "If you have nothing interesting to say then say nothing".
I prefer "Shut the fuck up".

This wasn't a very interesting post so I'll practise what I preach and shut the fuck up too.





25 comments:

  1. I have a FB friend who 'checks in' all day, every day. Drives me nuts... At least my friend has a good brain in her head and can string a decent sentence together without any spelling errors. Some people are so damn annoying!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't have facebook.

    Reading this, I'm thinking that is a good thing.

    I have a tendency - especially late at night when I've had a couple drinks - to sort of move in and pick off the wounded wildebeests.

    I can't help myself.

    If I had facebook, I probably would not have any RL friends left in a week.

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  3. Prefer to read a fashion blog?? You take that back and we'll speak of this nonsense no more!!

    Honestly, not a boring post at all. The 'That's a bit obtuse' comment had me laughing out loud, which is not such a good thing at 5:00 in the morning.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Vee, I was going to mention that check-in thing in the post..stalkers dream lol.
    @Katy, You may have a point there, I kind of do the same thing, I am deleted by people far more often then added - or I was when I was on it more before I started blogging.
    @Lily, yup - we should be asleep. Guess whose bound to be late for work tomorrow...again.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I find that my posts are different from Facebook to G+.

    Facebook seems to be random things, and G+ is stuff I want to share and the discussions are usually more than a couple sentences.

    I had one chick on my friendslist who'd always talk about her motherlyness and stuff.

    She's 19 and like 5 months pregnant with some guy she hasn't even been dating for 6 months. -___- She knows nothing about being motherly.

    I ended up deleting her though. There were a couple people I added just because it'd be awkward if I didn't, but then I stopped hanging out with most of them, so I deleted them.

    Much better when they're not polluting the news feed :D

    I don't think I post that much on FB, maybe twice a day or so?

    I don't know why anyone would want to document their life on there, though.

    PS, I really like your blog theme :D

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  6. I don't think she's literate enough to write a blog. What's more worrying is that she has children. If women like that want to breed they should be artificially inseminated with the sperm of Nobel laureates.

    I can get you more entertaining Facebook friends if you want, with names like Napoleon Cockaparte and Daphne Wayne-Bough. You can find me as Cousin Bananas.

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  7. I have a friend on there who while she doesn't post needless and senseless updates (okay she posts a few) she is unable to spell, string a sentence together, and can't get when people are taking the piss. She left one that was bad, and someone pointed out some of her mistakes, and she was just incredibly confused, like she couldn't understand a word if it was spelt correctly. People like this make me want to do what Jesse did and just make a whole new profile where no one can freakin find me but her and a few other people.

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  8. Oh and in the interests of spam, PLEASE do a post on bad parenting. I'd actually like to read it.

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  9. I access my FB account infrequently & remain there only for a few days leaving before I become brain dead.

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  10. "How the fuck does she cope with all that excitement" was pretty damn hilarious. Egh, this is a visual reminder of why I deleted FB so long ago. Stupid people with their stupider updates, and the mongrels cheering them on. It reminds me of Bryan's epic 'Your Baby is Ugly' post. At least she's making you feel smarter:)

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  11. so. TERRIBLE.

    i like people who get in full-blown, nasty fights on facebook statuses. something about social media makes people aggressive or REALLY open about how boring they actually are. i fall into the aggressive category, of course....

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  12. I'm not going to lie, this is the funniest post I've read in a while!

    I think everyone can relate to how you feel here, we all have a bunch of idiot's on our facebooks!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Gold star for "twat" usage. LOLLy!!

    "That's a bit obtuse", made a lil' bit of root beer spray outta my nostrils. That may be the highlight of my day, so I too will take your advise and shut the fuck up now. ;D

    ReplyDelete
  14. @Angela, deleting people is half the fun...that and stalking. And thanks, although no doubt I'll get bored with it soon enough.
    @GB, That's a very good idea, and if only that were true, I would get messages asking me who the gorilla and my new friends are.
    @Mark, The person this is about is like that - she just doesn't get it. But that only encourages me. And I'm working on that post.
    @Heron, It has that effect...it's catching.
    @Beer, I'm gonna go find that post although yours are all hilarious and epic.
    @IHE, I have been known to do the same, but chipping in with a sarky comments is more my thing.
    @Sarah, thanks - they make us feel good.
    @BBG, Sorry - hope you didn't choke.

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  15. That made me laugh hard. You put into words why I rarely post on or read my Facebook page.

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  16. She's going to "do the kiddies"? For that reason alone, I would unfriend her.

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  17. I like the 2 and 3 last line

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  18. When I die, I'm going to live with the angles.

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  19. dirty, are you 'friends' with papi? you'd have hours of entertainment to repost ...

    my blog is my status ...

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  20. @Anon, good...but who are you ?
    @Al, the thought has crossed my mind.
    @Tiana, thanks.
    @Flip be careful I hear they can be sharp, and often right.
    @Andrea, No..but maybe you should send us both a suggestion. I can troll them here and the tranny nazis will be none the wiser.
    @Fraser, I'm glad we agree - welcome to my flock.

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  21. Damn I need to log into Blogger more. You are hilarious.

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  22. Oh well, there is nothing that i could say that we haven't figured out yet by reading the FB updates hahahah what a dumb bitch.
    People that write like that should have their writing (and possibly talking) privileges revoked for a week or something. Probably fined too. That should teach em a valuable lesson, or not.
    I would keep her, no doubt, but just for comedic purposes although i admit that she would enrage me from time to time.

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  23. Very bloody true all of this! But I did have a friend who updated his status all the time and I mean ALL the time . For example .. Just woke up .. Has just eaten cheerios for breakfast ( delicious O's ) LOL ! I mean FML it was annoying ! We gave him so much shit he stopped and you know what ??.. I really want to know what he had for breakfast this morning ?!

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  24. And I don't know what is worse???!! Her pointless posts or her terrible use of de engrish language ?! P.s love your reply about Jeremy Kyle ! But equally loving the word "dins" !

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