Sunday, 27 February 2011

sibling bribery

A couple of stories from when I was a kid.

I have one sister whose four years younger then me, and during school holidays we were left alone when our mum went to work from the time I was about 12.

We weren’t allowed in the garden, mum didn’t want the neighbours to realise we were home alone (as if they never heard the noise coming through the walls), but I liked to make ‘cars’ using a deadly clever combination of our scooters, bikes, wooden garden stools, wood, nails or whatever else could be found in dads shed - another no-go area.
Not that I was going in there - too many spiders.
I used to send the sister in and direct from the door.

Usually once the vehicle had been constructed she was my reluctant willing crash test dummy volunteer which involved sitting on the contraption at the top of the steep gently sloping path then being pushed. I wasn't really trying to kill her but I figured as the first born the parents had had me longer and would miss me more if the worst happened, so it was better for everyone that way. If she didn’t fall off and it was safe for me her job then was to ‘keep a look out’ while I played brands hatch round the garden.

Until the day mum got home early just as sister was half way down the path on a ‘test run’.
No-one would listen to my excuses even though I told them it wasn’t me that got the stuff out the shed.

Another time I decided to be a hairdresser and I made my sister offered to let me practise on her dolls. Bear in mind we’re 12 and 8, she’s more into dolls then me - and I proceeded to scalp restyle them all. For that I had to give her my Tiny Tears, by this point one of the few dolls I had left. I did try to protest about this, without success, but when we were on our own sister said,
“ she’s still yours really, we’ll just pretend she’s mine”.

Even at eight she was more mature then me.

If something got broke, which happened a lot, I’d bribe persuade her to take the blame with my secret stash of sweets that I’d nicked from the shop. And she kept quiet about that because I told her she’d get in as much trouble as me because she ate some.

But the day of the ‘great tea tray disaster’ pretty much put paid to that.
The tray was quite big, made of metal and fairly heavy.
Ideal for stair surfing.

Every cushion in the house was piled at the bottom of the stairs first. The stairs were the kind that have wooden posts all the way up. I’m not sure exactly how but the tray slid out from under me, hit the wooden posts and two of them broke - I tried glue, then I tried bribing the sister with just about everything I had to take the blame for me.

This time she wasn't playing though.
In the end I had to own up.

That was also the day I found out that the (now very bent) tray had a sentimental value too.

My favourite story happened when we were older.
By now I’m 17 and she’s 13.
And a willing accomplice.

Our gran was very ill, so mum and her sister were taking it in turns to stay with her. Mum from Monday until Friday when her sister, who lived away would come down. One week our auntie couldn’t make it so mum was staying until Monday. With a free house at the weekend we decided to do what any teenagers would.
Have a party.

Friday was the big day, two days to clear up after and the safest course of action was to get the ornaments off the shelves (our mum had a lot), put them in her room and lock the door.

So Friday afternoon we start to move them, but they're dusty so we had them all on the floor, a bowl of soapy water and we’re washing them ready to take upstairs when we hear a key in the door.
“Girls ! Surprise ! I’m home !!”

*Exchange of horrified panicked looks across bowl of mucky water*

She comes into the living room saying
“Auntie managed to get down after all……”
Then stops, looks at us and starts saying,
“Oh you girls, oh my….“ and the phone rings and she runs to answer it.
Me and my sister are mouthing “fuck fuck...” at each other, then we hear her........
Telling whoever was on the phone about her wonderful daughters who are spring cleaning the house for her……

Then we had a really fun evening.
Sat at the top of our road telling all the local teenagers carrying various alcoholic beverages that the party was cancelled.

I wrote this after reading a fellow bloggers story about him and his younger can read that here  its hilarious !!


  1. It sounds like you two have a wonderful relationship! And aren't you two SO sweet doing your mother's spring cleaning, without her even having to ask o.O Priceless! I never got away with anything as fun as that!

  2. Ha ha! Your post reminds me a lot of the relationship between my sister and I. She's only four years younger than me, so by the time we were in our teens we had so much "dirt" on each other, and we would use that as threats. In my late teens and early 20's, she and I had no use for one another whatsoever, though. We rarely spoke. There was a lot of animosity between us, for various reasons. I'm happy to say we've become pretty close since my late 20's though and she's a really great person, a good mom (plus I get to be an uncle), and a friend.

  3. We've always been close, even with all the vile stuff I did, she still looked up to me, and I could write another 15 pages.

  4. DCG, I am not surprised you could write another 15 pages, nor would I be if you told me this was a rather tame tale of your youth! xxx

  5. I came across your blog through the award you gave borderline girl. Sibling bribery, I know it all to well lol. Cheers.

  6. my sis and i were vicious when younger ... now we're the best of friends ... i love her so much

  7. I like the direction your blog is heading. I've yet to be disappointed when I've come by to read and I just wanted to thank you for being always making me laugh.

  8. Cowgirl, I almost fell of my chair reading aboout your childhood antics with your sis.Would love to read more on this.

  9. @monkey, I'm glad to help - you make me laugh too.
    @just, I think I may do some more, it was tempting to make this longer. However I might get my sisters permission before writing about some of the teenage antics we got up to.

  10. Sorry I'm just getting to it! Great post....I love blogging about sibling stuff. I was oldest as well and I'm pretty sure all my siblings bear the scars....

  11. Glorious. I used to dress my brother up as a girl.


Tell me something I don't know.
Comments are moderated so spam me and you're going in the bin.