Saturday, 21 May 2011

who do you love

Yesterday I finally got round to watching a TV documentary I had recorded about a couple in America and their family. They have two adopted sons (from a previous relationship of one of them) and a baby that is their own. The programme was about their struggles having moved from a small close community to a new city, their wider families, children, and the fact that they had decided to have another baby.

What was unusual about them was that although they considered themselves to be a gay male couple both had begun life as females. One had undergone full gender reassignment surgery but the other had not and so was able to have their child naturally.
They were able to marry because only one of them had full surgery so legally they were a man and a woman.
It got me wondering what if the other person decided to have genital surgery ?

Would they then be forced to divorce or their marriage be annulled ?
That doesn’t seem right to me.

These people clearly loved each other, they were raising three children and planning another. The adopted sons would’ve been taken into care if they hadn’t stepped up for them as their mother was unable to look after them properly. One of the boys was autistic and anyone who knows anything about that will realise that these two took on more then a lot of people would voluntarily cope with.

So why should it matter what gender they are.
Surely the important thing is being a good parent.
And clearly they were.

In the UK same sex couples can have a Civil Ceremony.
Why the fuck can’t they call it a marriage ?
Probably because it offends the fucking church.
At least they are allowed to have their partnership recognised and I suppose that’s progress, but I guess if you’re in the USA the laws must be different depending upon which state you live in.
I once watched a programme about a part of America where you can legally marry your horse. And no, not Jerry Springer - this was a serious documentary.

Although I recently saw an episode of that about a brother and sister who were openly living as a couple and planning to marry and have kids.
Now that IS wrong - and surely must be against the law. It is here.
Unless you want kids with three eyes and twelve fingers.

I realise that my knowledge here is rather limited.
I should probably go and Google all this before spouting off, but from the little I do know it does seem to me that the law is rather vague, and acceptance is often a matter of geography whatever your preference for a partner or yourself. If not everywhere will allow you to be legally recognised as your chosen gender if that happens to be different to the way you were born, if you’re born male but change to female are you still unable to marry a man or vice versa ?
Or do you have to have a civil ceremony - even though you and your partner are different sexes.

It must be confusing enough having to live life different to how you feel you are inside, but it would seem that correcting a mistake of nature sometimes then creates a whole new set of problems aside from any prejudice.

Personally I disagree with labelling people - whatever that’s for. Be it gender, sexuality, nationality, disability, whatever - the problem with giving someone a label is that people then think of them in terms of the stereotype associated with it.
I have a friend who although openly gay is not at all camp. There is absolutely nothing about him that gives it away, if you have a gaydar he‘ll break it, he has been accused of not being ‘a proper gay’. Wtf ? Just because he just doesn’t fit the stereotype for a gay man. What clever cunt decided what that should be anyway.

Seriously, in a world that is finally recognising that the complexities of human sexuality go way beyond gay and straight, and that there is more to gender then male and female, surely those labels are becoming less relevant then ever.

I think it’s about time that we were all just thought of as people.
And allowed to marry whoever we choose to love.

As long as we don’t share parents and have less then four legs.


  1. Dammit! I KNEW that picture would come back to haunt me!

  2. A brother and sister living together as a couple? What do their parents think???

  3. I thought being already totally damaged, nothing can further harm me.
    I was wrong. ={ meh ... that picture will be with me till the end of days.

  4. i have split feelings and thoughts about gender switcheroo surgery.
    i know a few people personally who went through with it all the way.
    owch. i love my parts, and don't want to be different, so i don't get it firsthand.
    another thing i am confused about is- the fact that this shit takes place mostly among financially affluent, educated whites.
    the most ungrateful, bored and self-reighteous fucks i ever meet. i live near yale, where they love that "diverse" shit. give degrees in it.
    can i have a degree?
    anyhow- labels such as woman and man are now subjective. i hate having to think about usage of pronouns. he/she... who the fuck are you?
    i want people to fuck and be happy. have babies or adopt if you feel the need. marry if you want to.
    all of it is a huge "so what" to me.
    CT called gay marriage "civil unions" for years. then they passed the bill to marriage for same-sex couples. isn't the same thing. is miss and mrs the same thing? nope.
    but the fact is that state gov't can veto or overturn the bill whenever they fucking want to.
    i wish that people would learn to love and accept their lives, bodies, and find people who understand and love them. you don't have to chop off your tits or pussy to admit that you identify as masculine. it just makes me sad to think that some feel the need to go to such extremes.

    and- no, i don't hate on those who do shit like that.
    i do judge siblings who fuck though.
    eeewwwwww. gross.
    too jolie.

    and p.s.- one of the men i know who had the re-assignment as a "woman" regrets it. i wonder how often that happens.

  5. @ Rafa - I thought he looked familiar

    @ Aisha - I don't know, they weren't on the programme, but his current wife was and she wasn't happy. Cos it was Jerry so it might've been fake. Some people will do anything to get on the telly.

    @Psycho - Sorry :)

    @ Violet - I don't think anyone can really understand unless they're in that position.
    I think it must be awful to have to live as someone different to who you feel inside, and for the people that do it's good they can change - if they can afford it.
    Over here they will do it on the NHS so it's kind of available to anyone regardless of finances, if they meet the criteria - whatever that is, but cultural acceptance is another matter.
    But I think that if people were just accepted for who they were then perhaps not everyone would feel the need to go so far.
    Who knows ?
    Sadly we live in a far from perfect world and it's never gonna happen.

  6. ah yes. so, violet, i don't know if you're going to read this, but i seriously had the same viewpoint, until my spouse told me that there was going to be a male transformation in my 'butch's future.

    it's hard to understand, but you need to look further into it if you want.

    there is much out there ... i'm one who's living your side of the story, and my view point is softening.

  7. On the brother and sister thing, personally I think its wrong, but even most things that are cultural universals have exceptions, there are parts of the world that such might be accepted, but will seem absurd to us, like the adaptation of platos allegory of the cave I just put up on my blog.
    One of my friends told me some time ago that there are cultures that teenagers are expected to engage in homosexual relationships, and when they become adults, they are expected to be heterosexuals. I dont exactly know how that works, but you get the point.

    If back in the day, there were no 'brother, sister' relationship differentiations, I'm certain there'd be more on the above. Just like when to separated siblings (unaware) meet and fall in love, its nothing biological...

  8. I find that in the US the pressure for masculine identified butch women to transition their gender to male is HUGE right now in the queer community. I would venture to say it is becoming a "fad" and there are very few butches left (at least in California) that aren't considering or already on testosterone. I know some regret their decision and I know more will in the years to come.

    In the US you can also be considered "male" or "female" without having the full reassignment surgery in most states. You generally have to be passable and have lived as your chosen gender for a certain amount of time.

    What pisses me off, as someone who was lesbian for 21 years, is that being transgendered is considered far more aberrant in the US than being gay, yet as soon as a TG person has their gender changed on all their paperwork, they can legally marry someone of the "same sex." Though, I'm not sure they can enroll in the military.

    I have to wonder... why can't people just be people? There is a very false separation of church and state in the US and it enrages me. If this was honestly a matter of the state, all citizens would have equal rights because they are citizens, marriage being one of those rights.

    And the horse thing... well, here's what wikipedia says about human/animal marriages:

    xo m


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