who wants to be a porn star ?

Hands up ! Who's let someone take a ‘naughty’ picture of them, or maybe took one of themselves, or even made some home porn ?

Everyone’s doing it , aren’t they ?

Given that nowadays even the most basic phone can film videos, I reckon most people have at least thought about it. And probably if they haven’t it’s only because they’ve been unable to persuade the wife/ husband/ partner/ dog to let them.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m well aware that a lot of people would be pretty shocked or horrified if someone even suggested it. But considering the number of websites that now exist where you can upload your bedroom athletics, (or so I’m told, not that I’ve looked you understand) it makes perfect sense to me that there’s a fuckload (pardon the pun) of people who are very happy for the world to see what goes on behind closed doors…or in full view.

But that’s the concern isn’t it, what if you don’t want the world to see it ? If you let someone else have possession, unless you really know them can you be entirely sure they can be trusted ? Any information is so easily shared over the internet, and there’s a million places it could end up. Your pale spotty fat arse could end up being enjoyed (again, pardon the pun) by thousands and you’d be none the wiser.

Ignorance is supposed to be bliss, but under those circumstances - I’m not so sure.

But then again if that happened and you weren’t happy about it maybe it would be best not to know, once it’s on the world wide web the world and his wife can copy it, or what you’re doing in it . . .if you’re impressive enough.

Even when famous peoples sex tapes have ended up on the net there’s not been much they could do about it despite their money and expensive lawyers.

Of course it’s not like Mr & Mrs Smith from No 47 are gonna get as much attention as Pam and Tommy, but even so if it’s against your knowledge it’s not a nice thing to happen. And I’ve seen websites advertised that are encouraging people to upload videos of their exes for revenge, even as warped as I am I think that’s awful.

Even if you trust the person who's taking the pictures totally, unless the only copies are on a memory stick or some other storage device that’s kept (for instance) locked in the little jewellery case in the bottom drawer underneath the jumpers . . . how can you really be sure ? I know more then one person who's lost a phone that had things on it they really didn’t want anyone else to see.

And mistakes can happen, I once typed a very graphic text for a fella called Mark, then accidentally sent it to my friend Marie instead. Although once I’d worked out why she sent me a text saying she didn’t realise I felt like that I just found it funny.

Let’s face it who amongst us hasn’t lost a mobile phone ?

Or had to put a crashed computer in to be fixed ?

Honestly, if that was my job - retrieving files - damn sure I’d be looking.
I remember when blue tooth phones first came on the market, I was sat in the pub with a few friends and a mate of mine had just got one. He was explaining to me how it worked - scanned the pub - hacked into a phone and he and I spent the next hour looking at this persons graphic pictures of himself and someone we assumed was his girlfriend.

And what if you weren’t aware that the video even existed in the first place?

I have this friend, Karen - she’s a little bit of a prude, doesn’t even really like talking about sex much.
This particular day I’m round her house as is another friend, Carol. Karen had not long finished with her boyfriend, Ray, and I was recently single too.
So exes were the main topic of conversation.
I said that I was a bit concerned that mine - who had a few pictures of me on his phone - might show them around. But I’m philosophical about this, I knew the risks and if I hadn’t then more fool me for letting him take them in the first place, and I said as much. Karen was disgusted with me, and getting quite preachy about it, all “how could you” and “you should be ashamed of yourself”.  Until Carol said,
“You cant say anything Karen, you let Ray film you giving him a blow job. . . "
“No I most certainly did not.”
“Don’t lie Karen, yes you fucking did so stop going on at Cowgirl.”
“I didn’t, I would never let anyone do anything like that, so why are you even saying that I did?”
“Because he showed me the video on his phone.”

"What !!! when ?"
At this point Karen looks very sick and is starting to turn a rather vibrant shade of red while I, of course, am starting to laugh. Carol, who's suddenly realising that Karen didn't know about it looks like she wishes she could leave, but she's got no choice other then to answer the question.
"Just before you broke up, the night we all went for a curry."
"I don't believe you, where was I ?"
"You'd gone to the toilet, Ray and I were at the bar and he showed me."

Ray was from Scotland, and had disappeared back up there when Karen dumped him, so no chance of her getting hold of him and making him delete the offending object either.

Moral of that story I suppose is keep your eyes open at all times. I found this whole thing fucking hilarious, it happened about three years ago, but to this day if I remind Karen about it she turns a lovely shade of beetroot.

I keep saying to her that we should check pornhub and see if she’s on it yet - she doesn’t find that funny.

But I do.

Talking of pornhub I once got chatting to a guy online who claimed that he had put loads of films of him and various women on there. He reckoned that most, though not all, had agreed to be on the website, but that they all knew they were being filmed.

Personally I reckon it was bullshit and fantasy, this bloke had nothing going for him in the looks department. As for the rest I had no desire to ever find out, but I also had no doubt that given an opportunity to act out this fantasy he would. Though how many hits “skinny ginger man fucks (most likely) desperate ugly woman for 15 seconds” would get I don’t know. 
I guess there’s a niche for everyone.

Another guy I know decided to secretly film him and his new girlfriend (who he thought was great, and had been boring us all talking about her for weeks) having sex. He hid a camera on a shelf above his bed.

After she left he was watching the film, gets to the bit where he left the room for some reason or other and he sees her pick his trousers up, get his wallet out of the pocket, take some money out and put it in her bag. Serves him right really.
Of course the reason I know about this story is because he showed everyone, not very nice for the girl in question but really I just think he made himself look like a cunt - on several levels.

And finally, there’s another huge problem with home made porn …..you get to see your own sex face.
Are you really sure you want to do that ?

Update : This post, according to my stats and feedjit is one of the most often viewed. It's also the reason why some of the rather choice search keywords bring random people to my blog.

What cracks me up about it is the 'video'. 

As Feedjit allows me to see when people leave this blog via the internal links I know that some people click it several times. Losers. Hahahahaha. Guess that just proves the point I was making when I wrote this.