The following are actual quotes.
"Still throwing spears?" (Question put to an Australian Aborigine during a visit in March 2002)
"If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" (in 1996, amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting)
"It looks as if it was put in by an Indian." (in 1999, referring to an old-fashioned fuse box in a factory near Edinburgh)
"You are a woman, aren't you?" (in 1984, in Kenya, to a native woman who had presented him with a small gift)
“The bastards murdered half my family” (When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union)
"You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly." (in 1993, to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary)
"Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" (in 1994, to an islander in the Cayman Islands)
“You look like you’re ready for bed!” (To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes)
"You managed not to get eaten, then?" (in 1998, to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea)
"If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it." (at a 1986 World Wildlife Fund meeting)
"Brazilians live there" (On key problems facing Brazil)
"Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" (Sharing a joke with a blind, wheelchair-bound girl with a guide-dog)
"In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation."
"Ever been on a plane before? It was just like that" (To the leader of Paraguay when asked how his flight was)
"Deaf? I'm not surprised with that bloody racket!" (To a class of deaf children sat next to a brass band)
"Do you have a licence for that?" (To a man in a motorized wheelchair)
“The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism, we could stop the congestion.”
"If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed." (To British students in China during Royal visit there in 1986.)
"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" (Speaking to a driving instructor in Oban, Scotland)
Oh my fucking god.
No wonder I don't agree with the monarchy.