Monday, 21 February 2011

dangerous liaisons

I really can’t believe the stupid bury-my-head-in-the-sand attitude of this.

Was chatting to a male friend last night, the guys a bit of a tart but he’s quite upfront about it (well to me anyway), but we’ve often had these story swapping conversations. We make each other laugh and I can talk about anything with him. He’s a good looking fella, I’d be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind - but I like having him as a mate so anything else was never really on the agenda.
Just as well.

So I’m telling him about this funny conversation I’d had wherein I was saying I was a cunt and he says I may well be, but he thinks he’s risen in the arsehole stakes because he has arranged FOUR dates (and in his world that means coming round his house for sex) for this week.
He also said that they all thought they were the ’only’ one.
This is a 39 year old father of two by the way, not an 18 year old boy.
Ever the joker I replied that I was a bit skint so did he want to buy a box of condoms off me.
He said “ I never use them, I get checked regularly, I’ve had the snip and I’m fussy who I sleep with”.
Four women you met on a facebook app in a week ?….yeah you’re really fussy.

What the fuck ???

What’s up with these people ???

The reply I gave was more of a lecture.
Was he was going to get checked after each one ?
Did he not realise that most STI’s take a while to show on tests, in the case of HIV at least three months ?
Did he not know that some people, especially women, will often show no symptoms of some STI’s ?
Was he aware that the herpes virus can lie dormant for years, that people can be carriers who have the virus without knowing, and pass it on without ever developing the infection themselves ?
Was he aware that HIV infection is still on the increase, especially amongst heterosexual people ?

Because of the work I’ve done with teenagers I’ve undergone training to deliver safe sex workshops - so I was quoting facts and figures at him.

I finished the lecture by pointing out to him that if these women are prepared to fuck him without a condom then it’s very likely that they let other men do so too, or did he think that he was the ‘only’ one.
“Are you that stupid that you don’t think women lie too ?”

Apart from this confirming to me (what I already knew) that the current trend for ‘no strings’ sex is not for me, it’s such a fine example of stupidity and naivety that I’m still pretty fucking dumbstruck.
Especially from someone who has been ’playing the field’ for a good few years since his marriage ended. There have been a few times that I’ve been with men who have tried to tell me that we don’t need to use a condom because they “don’t have anything”.
Personally I value my life and health too much to take a chance and I’m not stupid enough to fall for ridiculous lines. Yeah I get that it might lessen sensitivity - but that’s just gonna make it last a bit longer.
Not a problem for me.

But in this day and age, when we’re all supposed to be a bit more educated and enlightened why would you NOT want to protect yourself ?

Given the number of websites dedicated to swingers, no strings meetings and married people wanting a bit on the side I have no doubt that the levels of promiscuity are on the rise. I suspect that there were a lot of people who previously would’ve indulged in these activities but had no opportunity to do so due to the inability to find like minded people. Now all they have to do is get a computer and there they are, just a click away from a world of debauchery.
I’m thinking that it’s not a very safe world though.

Whilst HIV is a terrible thing I think one really positive effect to come from it was the way society wised up to the need for open discussion about sexual behaviour and educating teenagers the right way.
That is, recognising that we cant stop them from having sex but we should be telling them how to keep safe.
I think we’re way passed the point when HIV was considered a gay problem, in the beginning yes it was mostly affecting gay men - probably due to the nature of their sexual practises and high levels of promiscuity. But they wised up and learnt, sadly not before many of them had died.
And there are still some parts of the world where HIV transmission rates are very high.

Do we have to see epidemic proportions of straight people dying or becoming infertile due to chlamydia and gonorrhoea before the hetero world really gets the message ?
Wise up and rubber up people, even the most amazing sex is not worth dying for.

I want to add an update to this, and I will be also saying this to my mate...surely if he gets checked regularly, as he says he does, then he must be aware that there are risks ?
The guys a builder, I've seen work pics of him in which he's wearing a hard hat, to minimise risks to his personal safety.
Spot the irony ?


  1. actually very gross. I am amazed at friends of mine who will go without "once in a while". Are you fucking insane? I have had a boyfriend ask me once. No chance. I am young, but by the time I settle with one person I intend to be clean and know I never passed anything on.

  2. Some people just don't think, it is such a simple precaution to keep you safe

  3. it's intense how many people don't get the need for safe sex ... our friend just got herpes ... it seems to be the straight friends we have that are more lax about the possibility of HIV ... even though the world still thinks of it as a 'gay' disease ...

  4. Totally, and older people too I think - young people seem to be getting the message, probably because safety is now part of sex ed, but I have a few friends my age that although not as promiscuous as steve still 'play the field' without taking care.

  5. More often when it comes to SEX, people don't think with their heads. And just because they are having great sex does not translate to safe sex.
    The thing is, lessons learned from plain stupidity are way too painful to forget. And payback time is such a bitch! I hope you knocked some sense to your mate, otherwise, he's minced liver as we speak.

  6. I tried - he's often said to me that I make sense about other things, but in this, I doubt it somehow - he's been doing what he's doing for a few years. Fool.

  7. I have had plenty of "indiscretions" over the years, and I'm very lucky I didn't get burned. I've overhauled my lifestyle in the last 5 years or so, which is good, because, I've heard that my city, Omaha, NE is statistically (per capita, as we're not nearly the size of like Chicago, L.A., New York, etc.) ON THE MAP for STD incidents. Ironically, a lot like you, cowgirl, I found out a lot about this through the field I work in (being the same as yours). You know what's crazy though, one of the organizations I worked for was having the "Nebraska Aids Project" come and talk to kids about this topic. Since the organization that I worked for at the time was HEAVILY financed by a Catholic organization, that piece of the program got squashed. They wanted a program that condoned abstinence. I was like, "are you fucking serious!!??" I was working with DRUG ADDICT teenagers that were trying to get clean and sober. Did they really believe that these kids were'nt going to be sexually active. Better to equip them with knowledge and know how and let them make their choice, in my opinion.

  8. I'm willing to bet most people who got infected thought they were not at risk

  9. hope my mind doesnt get a std oh wait im addicted to mind fucks

    real life is real dangerous thats why im dead ya know

  10. It is a miracle that I survived my 20s - I must have had a guardian angel. Now recently single after 20 years, I would never take the chances I did then. No matter how much the damn things annoy me - it's just not worth the risks.

    Someday I will be in an exclusive relationship long enough to be sure that we're both good to go, but until then, no drilling without the hardhat.


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