indelible ink

Were anyone to ask me, as a generalisation I like tattoos. I think its art.
When it's done well.
I happen to have a few myself. And I do have a bit of a ‘thing’ for tattooed men.

I never set out to have as many as I’ve ended up with, but they are quite addictive and I’m perhaps a bit weird in that I actually like getting them done. Nowadays I don’t think anyone really bats an eyelid however many you have - or that women get just as many as men, and they have become a fashion statement for some people

This concerns me.

In the name of rebellion as a teenager I made my fashion statements by turning my hair into something that resembled, in no particular order, a parrot, a pink poodle, ziggy stardust, spaghetti, an argument with 240volts, candyfloss, old ropes and straw…well I didn’t achieve the straw effect deliberately but the other looks took their toll.

me aged 17

Of course this grew out and grew back and there were no lasting effects.

Imagine if any of them had been as permanent as the huge and very visible tattoos I see 17yr olds with today ? Heaven forbid ! I’d be a middle aged rainbow ziggy and probably unemployable if not the laughing stock at the local supermarket.



As it happens I’d first decided I wanted a tattoo when I was about 13 after watching a film about a woman who had a black rose on her shoulder. The look of utter disgust on my mothers face when I announced my intention said it all and I was told,

“Not while you’re living under this roof”.

My dad had been in the navy and has a few he got whilst abroad, he told me after I got my first ( I was 29 at the time) that he had intended to have more but was told he’d be divorced if he did. Although I protested at the time I’m very glad about Mums opinion, becuase if I had got one at that age it would no doubt be something I’d hate now.

I’ve always said to the kids I worked with, and my own son, that if you must have one when you’re young have something small that could be covered over or removed without too much bother, and don’t have it anywhere highly visible because tastes change and you might not want it in 10 years time.
As it happens one or two of them took my advice, I think they listened as much as anything because having had some myself they respected my opinions more then someone saying you shouldn’t get one because I don’t like them.

I’ve got one on the back of my right shoulder and one summers day a few years ago I was sat at a bus stop and got chatting to a little old lady. Just about how lovely the weather was and her pet dog, but all the time we were talking she kept looking at my shoulder. Eventually she asked me if she could look at it properly, its worked around my shoulder blade so if your on my left you cant really see it, so I turned round. As she’s looking she said she thought it was beautiful.........

“Although of course in my day only sailors and prostitutes had them”

Most of mine are in places where they can be hidden if need be, not that I’m ashamed of them, but I got them for me, and apart from a tiny one on my wrist they all mean something - there’s a story to each of them. I've heard a few people who've said that they’re going to get some ink, and when asked about it they knew where on their body they wanted it and how big but ask them exactly what tattoo...

“Oh I don’t know I’ll have a look in the design book when I get there”

Fucking hell ! This is going to be on your body FOREVER and your gonna give it as much thought as if you were buying a new top ?
Not to mention the fact that if you do that there’s every chance 37 other people have that very same tattoo, surely you’d want something unique? Any good tattooist would be more then happy to design something original - although for them to do that you need to give them an idea to work with, these people clearly have no idea.

Which brings me to my real pet hate…tribal tattoos.

A zebra

The tattooists I’ve spoken to about them say that they are really boring to do, especially the solid black ones - do the outline and then its just hours of colouring in, a five year old with a steady hand could do it. And the people that get them need put little or no real thought or imagination into the design...

“Yeah mate, just give me loads of big thick black squiggly lines all over me arms cos fellas will think I’m hard and all the birds are bound to wanna shag me”

No. I don’t think so.
You’re just starting to look like a fucking zebra.

Some tribal tattoos

I have seen a few exceptions to this where they do look nice, but it’s generally where the artist has worked the curves and swirls around muscle contours. Of course these may look fabulous when the canvas they’re drawn on is 23 and can spend two hours a day perfecting those muscles in the gym. But what’s that gonna look like when he’s fifty and the only exercise he gets is mowing the lawn and any spare time is spent in the pub ?

“And this is a diagram of where my abs use to be”

I have one tattooist friend who now refuses to do anymore of them, he’s an amazing artist and he said it’s like asking Michelangelo to draw a picture of a box.

And seriously, if you’ve seen one you’ve pretty much seen them all, and if you get one you’re stuck with it forever because they’re gonna be impossible to cover over and laser removal of that would cost a fortune and leave a nasty scar.

Actually I think I prefer Tasmanian devils and football badges, and I’m not even gonna bother writing my opinions of them, otherwise this post could turn into a small novel.