Saturday, 1 October 2011

social disasters

If I was a writer I think right about now I'd be worried that I was suffering from writers block.

When I get an idea for one of my 'opinion' posts . . . the ones where I force my opinions down your throats share my opinions with you, I usually start a draft about it, make a few notes, steal find some relevant pictures and then finish it once I've checked a few facts out on Wiki (I like to at least sound like I know what I'm talking about).

I currently have six of these posts sat in the folder, but I keep looking at them and my mind is just blank.
I hope I haven't lost my ranting mojo.

That's not really likely, I have been feeling rather aggressive the last few days for some bizarre reason. I seem to be in a permanent bad mood. Yesterday morning I swore at a group of students on the way to the train station, they were stood at a bus stop but taking up the whole pavement. . . "Get the fuck out of my way". . . as I barged through them with my elbows.
Perhaps I need to go out, get drunk and start a fight, then I can write blog posts about my life as a criminal.
Maybe not, I don't think you're allowed a laptop in prison and I would be lost without mine.
If you could have a PC in the nick then all those online meet-your-perfect-match places would be full of convicts, and people would be 'liking' HMP Wormwood Scrubs on facebook.
I think I need to find a boyfriend get laid.

It was with that thought in mind that last night I decided to visit a facebook app for 'meeting people'. You might be familiar with it - you 'tag' people according to what you think of their picture. Of course I don't really like to play fair, there was a time I used this app a lot, mostly to abuse people if I'm honest - in the days before I discovered blogging it amused me. But I did meet a few horny men interesting people on there, and I really can't be arsed to tart myself up and meet someone in the real world.
So I logged in . . .  and twenty minutes later I logged out.
Why ?
This is the pick of the bunch.

'David' can go bum himself. Seriously think he needs to review his chat-up lines.
And the blacked out face ? That's to spare you, not him. I suppose it's a point in his favour that were he to be 'bumming' anyone they wouldn't need to be looking at his face.

WHAT ??? Oh please. . . hold me back. Why would you ?  And on a facebook application for fuck sake, anyone can see this. And he wants me to add him on msn, not fucking likely. It'll start with pleasant chit chat and end up with me coming home from work to find you in my knickers. . . and not in the way I'd like.
And I've got bigger tits then him, bound to cause jealous rows.

There's a few things wrong with this. One - is he actually saying that he thinks I'm a male escort ? 'Cos that's how it reads to me. Two - his assumption that I am a 40plus lady (Way to win a girl over, fucking cheeky cunt). Three - his assumption that he's worth paying for (he's no stud muffin is he ?) Four - his assumption that I'm that desperate. I'm not. I'm just bored and exploring options.
He's not one of them.

It seems the app has gotten worse since I last used it, all the genuine people who weren't just looking for a shag - the ones that wanted friends, general chat and maybe the possibility of finding someone for a date - have left. As happens on so many 'dating' sites nowadays the serial shaggers have taken over. They were always there, but they were in the minority.
I've written before about my experiences on dating sites, I don't think I want to go there again.
Guess if I really want to meet someone I need to polish my high heels, shave my legs (anyone got a strimmer I can borrow ?) and get out in the real world.

I actually think that this may be the only really genuine response I got.

I've arranged a date for next Saturday. We're going to the park.

One thing I am quite sure of is that if you want to use the Internet to meet genuine people, just for the pleasure of making international friends with no hidden agenda, then blogging is definitely one of the better ways to go about it.

But if any of you are single, rich, hung walk on two legs I'm available.

Just in case, here's the picture I used on the facebook site. . . .

No wonder I got such a great response.


  1. I love how you blocked out the dog's eyes hahaha.

  2. New here, first, what I would like to suggest..

    You should not have an animated background, since your blog is primarily about reading, it is far too distracting and will make people loose focus on the concent or some hidden idea. I'm talking about those fireworks.

    The second thing you could do is not make your posts so long, I know, it is not easy, but from this single post you could of had 3, that's why your mind might seem blank, you're doing too much, not enough to recover.

    The third thing, I do not suggest you get drunk, or get in a fight. That might have been a 'funny' kind of remark, but what freshens up ones mind if working out, even a light workout (20 minutes slow jog) will refresh your mind and make you happier, I've had my 11th post on that, page 4 or 5 on my blog.

    Those are my basic tips, tags can come in handy too, so far I have had 4 views from google, isn't a lot, but it is not 0. Those 10 seconds to put in relevant tags are worth something. ;).

  3. Let me tell you one thing, i don't envy the guy in panties and bra one bit. He's not only a fucking weirdo, but it seems that he lacks basic reading comprenhension too.
    Now, i don't have anything against weirdos, weird people can be fun, but if the guy can't even put a sentence together and thinks that his pathetic photo would make someone wanna add him to msn or something, he is not bright at all. Retarded at best.
    Same goes for the one next to him, roids might have damaged his very few brain cells. Ohh well...

  4. Aggg!! What losers!!
    I don't use Facebook but if that is the kind of crap on there, I'm glad I don't. Except the dog, the dog is just....nuetral.
    You're right-what does thinks you are male escort 40+ even mean? what gobs of stupid
    You have a real knack for finding images to compliment your writing!

  5. @Mike, I didn't want him looking at the rest of the pics and getting the wrong idea.
    @neat, my blog is not primarily about anything. I don't recall asking for advice, from the looks of it my blog does better then yours (FOUR views from google ? I have hundreds) so you're welcome - as is anyone - to follow, read and comment, but unless I ask for your opinion SHUT THE FUCK UP.
    @HP, I actually happen to like weird people, in a lot of ways I'm one myself, but I really hope he comes a cropper. Probably got a wife and three kids, and even without a face if it was your partner you'd recognise them I'm sure.
    Retarded indeed.

  6. Have you heard of women who become penpals with men in prison with the intention of having relationships with them? I wonder if there are men who have a similar interest in female convicts.

  7. I just looked at your visitors list and saw someone from Perkasie, Pennsylvania. I marveled at what a small world this is. Then I realized it was me. Don't worry-your problems are peanuts compared to mine.

  8. Well Bumable is a perfectly adequate chat up line for a socially inept male. As for that male escort fucker, any bloke whose profile picture shows his nipples is a knob.

  9. @Gweenbrick, the dog may be neutral but someone has put it's picture on a site where some people are looking for sex. I did think about calling the RSPCA.
    @GB, Yeah I have - very strange, once watched a documentary about a woman from here who went to the USA to marry a man on death row. WTF is that about.
    @Al, perhaps you're stalking yourself on my blog.
    @Tony, agreed - there's a few that do it too.

  10. Sorry DCG, couldn't concentrate on your post as I found it all to be a bit distracting, what with the fireworks and all.

    Plus the post was too long and everyone knows that I have the attention span of a gnat.

    Off to do a bit of light exercise, probably for around 20 minutes...then I'm gonna go out and get into a fight!

    (sorry, couldn't resist)

    The dog is definitely your best bet.

  11. I'd love to see the face of the 'bumable' guy - the rest of him looks just like someone I know!!

    Haha, another great laugh, dcg. Thanks so much. I don't believe you've lost your mojo, not for one second. :)

  12. I think the dog is the only real will love you for who you are (no judging)...and it will never wear your knickers!

  13. I'm single, I have the use of both of my legs, and I'm English. I'm glad this is one Facebook app I haven't used, I really am. I've played with the idea of dating sites, but I'm not at that stage just yet. I would say I don't want someone, but I know I do, so I'm not ready for someone yet lol. I need to go up to girls at bars and tell them how bummable they are. Chicks dig that right?

  14. @Lily, just hahahaha as ever you crack me up - we really should have that night out.
    @Vee, how funny would that be if you did.
    @Chuck, I know you're right but I'm worried it might eat all my biscuits.
    @Mark, my advice would be avoid them, it was my experience that there are more liars and fakes on then them anywhere else on the net.
    As for the other thing I dare you to try it :)

  15. I think you're right! I'm gonna call the cops and get a restraining order on me.

  16. I laughed my ass off, and normally do, reading your posts. =) I love them!

    I'm so glad to be reading them regularly again, it puts a little spark in my life, oh or is that the fireworks?

    Don't change a thing about your blog unless you want to (I know you won't do anything you don't want to, I'm just voicing support!), and fuck whoever thinks otherwise!

  17. lmao dirty!!!! i'm looking forward to finding out how the date went.

    damn i wish we were in the same city. we would be a terrible duo with each other hangin' around ...

    love ya xo

  18. I definitely will go for the dog, hands down!

    What fireworks? You have fireworks? Huh?

    I see dead people too.

  19. So wandering around the blogosphere giving unsolicited blog advice isn't the way to win friends and influence people?

    Good luck with the dating scene, sounds brutal.

  20. @CAMB & CF, thanks guys - welcome to my blob:)
    @Al, I think that's for the best, you never know when you might turn psycho on yourself.
    @Jez, I'm glad you're back too. And too fucking right !
    @Andrea, me too, if only because you have an abundance of penie (?), whareas you can see the options open to me.
    @PB, indeed, there's a few of them floating around at the moment.
    @Flip, only when I'm doing it, but then I put my advice on a page and people can choose whether to read it or not. And thanks, but I don't think I'm gonna bother.

  21. Great picture. If I saw that, I'd definitely rate you as a bumable 40+ male escort.

    These apps are so useless. Do you think anyone in 50 years is going to be sitting around the fireplace, listening to Grandma tell about how she was on Facebook, browsing pictures of guys with their shirts off, and suddenly there was Grandpa, who said "nice tits bitch," and Grandma said, "I want 2 fuck u lol" and they lived happily ever after?

  22. I have a whole photo album of we writing that fantastic word ( Cunt ) in inappropriate places !

    And as for people who are looking for "friends" on the internet ?? give me a break! They are the hornyist of the lot !

  23. @ABFTS ( I never know which one of you it is). Thanks, and I know - although I do know a few people who met their partners online (one using that same app) so who knows ? Maybe that very scenario is possible.
    @Stu, funnily enough I have a few, it's my favourite word. And yes, I am aware of that - in fact I'm kinda banking on it..

  24. I should open a Hasidic Plumber facebook account, post photos of my majestic beard and let the bitches flock to me. Come on, even if i had crabs in my beard (which i do), i'm way better that the guy wearing his wife underwear.
    I've been told many times that i'm a sexy motherfucker. That app will confirm it.

  25. LOL, Those guys are too funny. I used to be on some of those "friend finder", pretty accurate. But I had to laugh at your "advisor", I was like WTF? 4 hits from google and you are an expert? LMAO, that's just sad.

  26. DCG, thank you for that much needed giggle! I'm feelin' a little of the lost writting mojo, but for now I'm callin' it bein' busy, and have several unfinished posts- including one I owe you. Maybe this is my inspiration? As always, a grand, entertaining visit to your world.

  27. @HP. Looks like I'll be seeing you - and the crabby beard - there then.
    @Jamie, I expect I'll be seeing him in the help forums before long. Mebe we should introduce him to shrek.
    @BBG, Thanks - I suppose it happens from time to time, even to genius's like us.

  28. You are a dirty cowgirl aren't you? I like your style, so raw!

    Don't listen to these idiots trying to give advice...the fireworks are cool! Just keep being you!

    I vote against internet dating for the very reasons you have displayed here...the weirdos come out of the woodwork!


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