the mother of invention

The good news is the dishwasher is now installed properly, working and not leaking.
Yay me !!!

The bad news is that once again I have failed to win the lottery, looks like I need to find another way to become a millionaire as that plan isn't going very well. I might have to invent something, although it would probably be as useful as my plumbing skills.
Apparently my great great great (I'm not exactly sure how great) grandfather invented the coffee percolator, well according to my Dad. And the story goes that as he had no money he sold the idea to an American. If this is true then I should be a coffee pot heiress, although my Dad is known for his "tall stories" and according to Wiki this is yet another of those.

However I doubt that anything I could come up with is as ridiculous as the contents of the Kleenezee catalogue.
I expect some of my English readers may know what this is, but for the benefit of those who don't they sell overpriced crap useful household products via a catalogue that one of their agents will occasionally put through your door.
They will then call back to get them and hopefully an order a few days later.
You are expected to return the book, even though you didn't ask for it to be posted through your door. I've had a few arguments with the agents because when they knocked and asked for it back I either couldn't find it or had put it in the bin.
Way I see it you put it through my letterbox it's mine and I can do what the fuck I want with it. I found one on my door mat this morning, before I bin it let me share with you some of the delights found within it.

It's not just the shit they sell it's the descriptions that crack me up.

"Get scrubbing and the skin will peel off". . . your hands.

How is this easier then using a knife or a potato peeler ? Look at them, they are clearly way too big for the persons hands in the picture, and unless the potatoes are perfectly round (so about 1 out of every 20 then) it's not going to work very well.

"So easy you won't believe it". . . well no, I don't.
"Cutting down on washing up" . . .so you don't have to wash this then ?

Essentially this is a very tall jug, you put your spaghetti in it, fill with hot water and leave it to cook. Fine, until you leave it a bit too long, the spaghetti gets a bit overcooked and sticky and you have to try and get it out of the bottom of fucking thing.
Think I'll stick to using a pot.

Sandwich cutters.

Or a new way to waste half a loaf of bread - they could've made them a bit bigger surely ?

Even if you used these I still think all the egg sandwiches would be left over at the end of the kids party.

What fucking idiot thought this one up. It's just a bit of plastic, why not just throw them on the bottom of the wardrobe like everyone else. They want a fiver for this piece of shit and no, the hangers aren't included in the price.

 ". . .enable the clips to appear to pour out of the tap". Wow ! Look, they really do don't they.

Can someone explain to me the connection between a bath and paper clips that gave rise to this. And why do you even want to have paper clips coming out of your taps.
At least unlike the coat hanger thing you do get some paper clips with it. And it is amusing ? Well yeah, but not in the way whoever invented it thought - people will laugh at you if your dumb enough to buy it.

Not everything in the book is so trivial, they do take home security seriously and have products to help. Thanks to Kleenezee you can feel secure in the knowledge that your valuables are stashed where no thief will ever find them.
They even have a wardrobe safe. . .

Well what were you expecting ?
A secure lockable metal box ?
You no longer need one, you can have something that resembles a man's fishing jacket with lots of pockets instead. If I ever do win the lottery bugger keeping my millions in the bank, I'm gonna get ten of these.

I don't know about where you live, but in some places another somewhat overlooked aspect of home security is the theft of wheelie bins.
Fear not - Kleenezee have got that covered too. . . .

"make your bin instantly recognisable".. and make you the laughing stock amongst your neighbours.
Attractive rubbish bins ? What utter genius is this.

And for the ladies who can't be bothered to go to the hair salon there is this. . .

Apparently it's so you can give yourself  "treatments" at home. If my friends came round and I was wearing one of these I think they'd be suggesting I get therapy, but not for my hair.
I suppose the little green men won't be interfering with her brainwaves, even if it looks like she's got the vent pipe from a cooker hood attached to her head.

If you think that's a dumb idea take a look at this,

UNWANTED CLEAVAGE ???
If it's that much of a problem just don't buy low cut tops.

Even the family pet is not spared forgotten.

What I want to know is who in their right mind thinks their pet is eating too fast. Surely those 'prongs' are just gonna make it hard to clean the stupid thing. And seriously, the more I think about this the more ridiculous it gets. . . it's not going to make any difference to a pet. The only way to make a cat eat slower is if you put its food in the bowl a spoonful at a time.
I just fail to see why you would want to.

Do the inventors of this shit make up problems so they can invent products to solve them ? And are there people reading this catalogue of crap and asking themselves if they have unwanted cleavage or wondering if their precious pooch is in danger of giving himself indigestion.

Never mind, while you're worrying about that you can always curl up in a "pink snuggler".

Is it just me or does that sound like a euphemism.

I have to go now, I need to fill out the order form.
I really think I need one of these. . .

I'm not entirely sure why, but I'm pretty sure I'll find a use for it.

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Before I go check this out, I was given another blogger award so I'm going to show it off here. I love this one, it's kind of personal as it was made and given to me by someone who has become a friend outside of this strange world that occupies my laptop.