Friday, 7 October 2011

oh crap

If you read yesterdays post then you will be aware of my amazing new-found plumbing skills.

It seems I'm not as clever more creative then I thought.
All I wanted was to able to use my new dishwasher but when I got up today (late - and with the mother of all headaches) I discovered that I had also managed to create an indoor paddling pool in my kitchen.
Yup ! Fucker leaked.

Now this I like - turn your sink into a water feature resembling Niagra.
Wish I'd thought of that.
I'll remember this for next time, because there's bound to be a next time.

Well to be precise it wasn't the dishwasher itself that leaked, it was the tap doubler for the water pipe, as I was trying to save time by using the existing water feed for the washing machine. I blame the DIY shop for selling me faulty leaky parts.
Goddamn B&Q and their unreliable incontinent pipes.
They should come with a warning that using them may result in needing a boat to get to your kettle in the morning, or at the very least a free pair of Wellies.

I could copy this fella's idea and get some ducks.

See what I mean about Calamity.
Fuck my life indeed.
Anyway tomorrow I intend to do it properly and solder on a new tap.
Unless my friendly Hasidic Plumber wants to jump in his G5 and come and do it for me ?

Please note not an actual depiction, but an artists impression.

There are no Racoons here, although I do have a Maincoon cat.
I think I might need a plumbing Superhero.

When I was kid if anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up the answer was "a gelignite man".
I had no desire to change sex, I just wanted to blow things up.

I have no idea where I got this ambition from, my Mum said I started saying it when I was about four, but I do remember really wanting to do it and being totally mesmerised whenever there was anything on the TV about demolition.
I'm starting to think that maybe my talent for calamity and destruction is me acting out those fantasies on a subconscious level.

If I can't explode things them I'm gonna wreck my house instead.

Although I also think it's probably for the best that I didn't fulfil that particular childhood dream because I'm pretty sure I'd be the one blowing up the wrong building.

NO !! Not that one. . . the one behind it.

If you don't hear from me for a few days send a lifeboat to my house.


  1. I hate to say i told you so. I'm on my way. You better have a bowl and a pizza ready when i arrive hahahah

    PS: The G5 photo is pretty accurate, it's lacking the bed and the raccoon cage though.

  2. The Hasidic Plumber is the right man for the job! When you have ducks swimming through your house I'd say you have major problems. But it hasn't come to that yet so your good!

    Once I was running bath water for the kids and forgot all about it. A half hour and a burnt pizza later, I finally realized my hallway was a river!

    Good luck!

    Who doesn't like blowing things up?

  3. I think that's a quite accurate depiction of the guy lol. I would love ducks in my kitchen but I have two cats, a fight would probably ensue. Good luck getting it all fixed, we have a B&Q near us, but thankfully we have a much better independent store closer to us that do things cheaper. I think I might be a hipster now. Dear God no anything but that.

  4. @HP, All ready and waiting. You now have the racoons - good luck getting them through customs though. I reckon the bed is in another room.
    @Dan, I did a similar thing and found my hall ceiling on the floor...but that's another story.
    @Mark, my cats wouldn't go near it, none of them are that fond of water - although one likes drinking out of the loo. Urghh.
    And DON'T DO IT. I have no idea what a hipster is but just the name is stupid.

  5. Be thankful you don't know what one is lol. It's essentially people who don't like things that are "mainstream" and as soon as something becomes mainstream they typically start hating it. Yet they love Apple products, by far one of the most mainstream and well known products around. All they do is brag about how they love things "You haven't even heard of". Maybe you can do their plumbing...

  6. Oh your poor thing. I hope the clean up is too horrendous! :)

  7. Oh noes! Hopefully the Hasidic Plumber can help :D

  8. o man. i'm so sorry ... been through a flood myself. if papi was closer, i'd send him over for some DIY 'help' hhaha

  9. As soon as I read about this I thought of Plumber lmao. If anyone's a man for the job he is!

  10. What is this news?!!!
    I can't quite believe it!
    Racoons are coming to the UK??!!
    And bringing a Plumber?

    I'm SOOOOOO excited...

    My cats like drinking water out of the toilet too. Very odd.

  11. @Mark, yeah you really don't want to be one of them. Shhh don't let Rafi hear you say that.
    @Allen, now there's an idea.
    @Vee, it was ok - Son is here so I had a lifeguard.
    @tracerz, I'm still waiting for him and the pizza is cold now.
    @Andrea, in that case I'm glad your not.
    @Yeamie, well yeah but as I said he's still not here, maybe the racoons got out of the cage..?
    @MissT, See above - but if he arrives I'll send him to you once he's finished here.

  12. Invest in some dive gear just in wife will be glad to sell you some from her shop. I love the Niagra sink photo...and the ducks!


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