Tuesday, 30 August 2011

on the up

Yesterdays post was a bit depressing, sorry about that.
But hey - my blob - my brain.
Sometimes reading this is like reading my mind. Be glad for the moodiness because it's also liable to get warped and confused at times and I don't think google translate is programmed to cope with that.

Enough of that anyway I'm done with the moping and feeling sorry for myself, thanks perspective, and I have just seen something on Facebook that had me laughing out loud and the grammar troll in me slightly irritated all at the same time.

Installed what exactly ? And where ?
A new kitchen perhaps.
Or maybe something's been installed in the week. If it's an extra day on the weekend I want one too.
It's IN STORE you fucking moron.

And none of the people who commented appeared to spot the mistake, so either they're all just as stupid or laughing at her too.
That's not very nice is it.

My tolerance for stupid people has never been very high, but it's this kind of ignorance that amuses me the most. And as long as I'm laughing I feel less inclined to punch them so everyone wins. I can tolerate the kind of people you can take the piss out of to their faces and they don't even realise you're doing it. And the ones that need jokes explained to them, then laugh even though you can see they still don't get it.
Highly amusing.
One of the joys of Facebook is the way it's sometimes even more apparent.
I'm pretty sure I mentioned this in a previous post but my favourite example was the guy who proudly stated as his favourite quote " Seas the day".

He's possibly still doing so, I wouldn't know - he deleted me.
Can't think why, I was only trying to help.

I have this friend who falls into this category - entertainingly thick - he is the nicest guy but what he has in heart and generosity only makes up for the lack of brains and common sense.
When the movie Borat first came out he and I were chatting and I asked him if he'd seen it, he had but said he didn't really think it was funny and hadn't watched it all the way through. I was a bit puzzled by that as me and him do have a similar sense of humour.
He said, with a look of disgust on his face, that he was surprised that I found it so funny.
"I don't like him, he's a bit racist and sexist at times, and you can see he means it too"

Yup, Pete thought Borat was a real person.

High Five.

When I explained it was a spoof his face looked like he'd just had a revelation.
I suppose he had.

Talking about Borat - and this will mean nothing if you haven't seen the film (you should) - reminds me of another story. I had leant the DVD out to my friend Shan but she hadn't gotten round to watching it. She has a brother who is away at University but sometimes spends the weekend with her.
So this particular night she had gone out and left her brother and a mate in her flat, they decided to watch the film and when a drunken Shan returned she walked in her front room just as the scene with Borat and his manager in the hotel room was on.
Apparently she opened the door, screamed, and left in a hurry. She thought she had walked in on her brother and his mate watching gay porn.

Bad enough getting your words mixed up but your bothers sexuality ?

A long time ago I got friendly with a woman who lived a few doors away from me. She was another person with a heart of gold and no brains. One day she was in my house when my then boyfriend and two of his friends were having a conversation about cars as one of them was trying to decide which make and model to buy. June decided to join in as she was taking driving lessons at the time.
"So when you get your licence what type of car are you thinking of getting June ?"
"A blue one"

One day I went to her house and she was hunting around her living room, I asked what she was looking for.
"I've lost the moke"
"The what ?"
"The moke"
"I don't know what you mean, what's a moke ? Tell me and I'll help you look"
She looked at me like I was stupid and said,
"The moke control for the telly".

Now she was truly thick.
She provided me with hours of entertainment and she didn't even know.
That status I saw today got me thinking about her, it was a long time ago but I'm sure I'll remember some of the other things she used to come out with later.

Yeah, I think I feel better now.

Back to the bitching I go.


  1. I'm glad that roller coaster ride was quick!

    I love the bitchy posts! =)

    I could think of a lot more entertaining quips from "thick" friends ... I never correct them. I just love it when they use their favourite quips all the time, defiantly even! Lmao!

  2. "Seas the Day" = my new favorite quote. :)

  3. Yeah, I definitely hate stupid people too. They do tend to anger me more than entertain me though.

    Example - My cousin(the one who does the mummy/daddy thing)'s girlfriend said; "I really liked the sound of a memory foam mattress, but what happens if you want to move in bed? How uncomfortable!". Wow.

    Anyway, glad you're on an up again! :D x

  4. Sacha Cohen is a genius at trolling people, gotta love him.

  5. I heart the dolts!

    The hubby of a friend often tells turns the term, "perfumated" (as in X bad smell perfumeated the air). I *think* of telling him it's permeate, but then I think he's kinda a pompous ass, so I just let it go (for the past 15 years). Instead I just stiffle my giggle.

  6. Do you remember when Borat was having dinner with three American couples and told two of the wives that men would be crazy about them in Kazakhstan, and then said: "not so much about you" to the third wife? That was really cruel - I bet you loved that!

  7. Thanks for the laugh DCG!!! Funny stuff. Have you seen the link on FB called The Best Obnoxious Responses To Misspellings On Facebook? It's fucking hilarious!!

    Not sure if this will work: http://www.happyplace.com/3645/the-best-obnoxious-responses-to-misspellings-on-facebook

    If you have 15 mins to spare and need a good laugh, it's well worth a look! :D

  8. You need those kind of people around just to realize how truly gifted you were at the gene pool. I keep a couple just for entertainment at parties. If you haven't seen Dinner For Schmucks, it is absolutely hilarious and the entire theme of the movie is exactly what you are talking about. Go see it and have a good laugh!

  9. borat isnt real? mi have no reason for living :(

  10. My favorite, was some graffiti I saw; somebody had written on a bathroom stall, (New Mexico's official motto is, Land of Enchantment): "New Mexico, land of Entrapment. Come on vacation, leave on probation" Somebody had written underneath it: "yeah, if your dumb!"

  11. There are so many ungodly funny parts, but one of my favorites has to be the subtle bear-head-in-the-hotel-refrigerator bit. Kills me every time.

  12. If your mates are this thick aren't you in danger of catching some of this dimness?

  13. @PB, me too. I think in future I'm going to take notes - this could turn into a series.
    @Krouth - just be careful where you use it.
    @WW - I'm laughing at that, and I have a memory foam mattress. No wonder I can never sleep.
    @Mike, aint he just. I love everything he does.
    @BBG, I think I'd do the same thing.
    @GB, My favourite bit of that scene is the poo in the bag.
    @Vee, I'm gonna go find that.
    @Chuck, I will put that on my must see list.
    @Mack, do you believe in the tooth fairy too ?
    @Flip, That's hilarious. Hope you didn't misfire while you were reading it.
    @Beer, I could never pick a favourite bit, but my favourite line is probably "what kind of dog is this".
    @Tony, no - I'm the clever one, well around them anyway. Everyone needs friends that make them look good. Now I just need a few fat ones.

  14. lmao dirty!!! oh how i love to laugh at spelling errors, grammar fuckups and daft people.

    i'm a fan of borat ... i can't believe someone actually thought he is real.

    good fucking god.

  15. Awww.... have you gotten it out of your system now? Come visit me. (I'm lonely at my blog without you...) I'll admit that there have been a couple instances when I was last to laugh. It's embarrassing and you must feel sorry for us slow on the take. We can't help it!

    Have you watched "Waiting for Guffman"? It's a Christopher Guest movie and it's quite hilarious for those quick on their feet. I could watch it every week. It pokes a bit of fun at a subset of humanity, and there are some classic moments in it... I think you'd enjoy it!

  16. Oh, I love Facebook, and the lack of spelling/grammar. My favorite was the time a guy posted, trying to look cool, about how he was working on hiring some minions to do his dirty work. It said 'ya im hiring some mignons to do my dirty work any takers?'

    So I, like a jackass, asked him, "I don't know if I want to be a 'mignon.' What's at 'steak?'

    Needless to say, he didn't get it.

  17. 'Borat.' Great movie film with sexy time.

  18. It's wonderful to know I'm not the only one in the world looking for these mistakes. Thanks DCG for finding this one. Have you seen the lastest one I found?

  19. DCG, I have a well-deserved award for you on my blog. :)

  20. @Andrea, if you met the guy you wouldn't be surprised. He's lovely - but a bit dim.
    @Bella, It's been added to the must see list.
    @Beer, LOL - too funny.
    @Al, especially for his brother bilou.
    @Michelle, yeah yours are the best ones.
    @Vee, thanks very much, have put it on the page.

  21. I love dumb goons, they remind me to be grateful I am alive, and not stupid like they are. I also like the [non-p.c.] act of looking for poorly translated phrases in print, especially in gift form- as in:
    I am in the mock-Sanrio shop in NY city's Chinatown, filing through mounds of tiny pink notebooks with unintelligible phrases on them.
    "Kitty funfun time, Perrfekt Friiend."
    Happy Birthday Kimmy, Congrats on your promotion, Jay!

    More rants please, Me likey.

  22. You should take pictures next time Violet, be another series right there.
    And there is always something to rant about.


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