Monday, 14 November 2011


I am cured.

I feel like I have been to rehab.

I deleted my Facebook.

It wasn't done with the intention of being permanent. The plan was to delete it for a while, then once people realised I had gone reactivate it and have a major cull of the fucking idiots people without them realising and getting offended and shitty about it.
Just keep it for close friends and family and people I actually like.
Not nosy cunts and perverts acquaintances who just want to look at the pictures. Or invite me to social events with people I can't fucking stand, and then even after I've said I have bubonic plague not attended the event I still see endless pictures of the drunk morons who did go on my page.
When I get back from my epic holiday I don't want them looking at my snaps - but I do want to share them with some people, and it's too sodding tedious picking who can and can't see albums.

And as amusing as I find certain people - the ones that have made an appearance or two here, it was getting really fucking annoying when every time I checked it I had a feed full of their inane drivel.

I guess my real friends will just have to go back to the old fashioned way of keeping in touch with me.

Like actually coming round for a coffee.
Or picking up the phone.
Do people still do that anymore ? Or do they just send you a virtual drink ?

I haven't missed it at all, in fact the only thing I have considered since - apart from never using it again - is that I will no longer have stuff from there to share on here.
And it does make for entertainment.

But then I was having a look at ebay - yeah I'm still trying to find a magic slimming, youth giving bikini - and I found some new entertainment.
I know all about the idea that one man's rubbish is another man's treasure, I've realised that from the utter crap that I've left outside my house only to find it gone in the morning.
But really.
Take a look . . . .

What the fuck is this ?

Apparently it's an old fashioned salt dispenser.
Really ?
That's not what it looks like to me.
FYI I was looking for Spice Racks.

How about getting some old fashioned Christmas pudding charms, I don't know about elsewhere in the world but traditionally in the UK you put them in the pudding for people to choke to death on find as they eat it.
When I was a child my Mum tried to kill us with used silver six pence pieces in ours, but originally the charms were used. I was looking for some to give to my sister, as I'm not going to be home at Christmas I'm making a little parcel up for her and I found this.

Happiness ?
And yeah I know that before the nazi's adopted it the swastika was in fact a lucky symbol, it still is in Indian culture, but this was MADE IN ENGLAND and it's old but not that old, and it's on sale on ebay NOW.
Hurry up and you could be the proud owner. Just make sure Grandad who fought in the war doesn't get the wrong piece of pudding.
He really will choke on it.
I guess you can always tell people the Germans got him in the end.

I have also been looking for some shorts for my holiday.
Search" shorts size 14 " and look what it found for me. . .

Should I get a pair of them for the beach ?

I found this next thing hilarious.
I'm not entirely sure if it's in the best taste, it might even be a bit inappropriate or offensive to some, but that's probably part of the appeal, for me anyway.

I'm gonna order one anyway. MLK is about to go where no man has gone for quite a while.

There is also an unbelievable amount of varieties of toilet roll on ebay. Quite literally any colour and design - not just the novelty crossword, sudoku and bank note ones that you see in most joke shops.
For English football fans here's a way to show the team what you really think of their performance.

And one for the Americans out there. . .

Hilary can go where no man has gone before.

And this just makes no sense.
How this person hopes to make a sale is beyond me.

Thank you ?
For what.
Not paying ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY NINE quid for something I don't even know if I want because you haven't even got a fucking picture.

It seem's that fuckwits don't just confine their activity to Facebook.

And that last line . . . "this is a stool". . . no prizes for guessing what that made me think about.

If I saw this hanging outside someone's house I think I'd walk away.
Especially if it was in Scotland.

I've also started using Twitter a bit more lately, there's a link on the right if you fancy joining me on there (and one for G+) - not that I've posted much myself I just follow other bloggers and stalk a couple of famous people.

But last night I went to log in and it showed me this. What the fuck ?

It's a fucking huge website.
How can it be 'over capacity' ? What does that even mean ?

Ah well, I just hope the idiots who stick all those boring crap status updates on Facebook every five minutes don't decide to join it. It will probably explode.


  1. What?!? No Facebook??? that's just crazy talk!
    What about all the Farmville and all the other game/crap requests that you'll miss??? What about the posts by your 2nd cousin Mary (and every other relative you haven't seen since you were 5 years old) detailing what she had for breakfast??? What about all the "I'm proud of my . Repost if you are also proud of your " posts???

  2. you do know that you can customize your lists right?? just stick the people you want to keep around under "close friends" and then when you post, just make sure to make visible to close friends, and no one else will see a thing.
    Its what I do, then I throw some comment out there once in a while, marked public, so that no one is wise to the fact that they cant see half of what Im saying.

  3. It's weird you deleted your Facebook because I was posting about how it would be a good idea to maybe do the same myself earlier, if you're happy without it then you've undoubtedly made the right choice! And I have no idea how Twitter gets over capacity, maybe an influx of visitors when something exciting is being tweeted about influences things... Great post as always!

  4. I didn't realize they had such strange stuff on EBay! I'll have to check it out!

  5. Are you sure you're going to avoid offending people? What if the people you unfriend are friends of your remaining friends? They'll see your name. I know someone who had the same objective as you, and she had to start a new Facebook account under a pseudonym.

  6. Thank you! I loathe facebook. LOATHE it. I am not proud to admit I even "joined" fb, but at least I can say I did so very late on the bandwagon. And this I did only at the incessant urging of several "friends." I *had* to be on fb. Most of my fb visits/likes/and shares were accidental.

    I still enjoy using twitter though it's evolution into a full grown facebook has already begun.



    Martin Loofa King... hmmmm lol.

    I loved these random and comical e-bay finds, that could be a recurring post-theme.

  7. Facebook and Twitter both are semi-annoying. I think I'm just going to totally disconnect, and start writing my funny little thoughts on a typewriter and then tape them to telephone poles around town. Oh, and I'm also going to start collecting cats. And hairballs. And discarded tinfoil. Yup, I'm gonna go bat-crap crazy. Do they have something for that on e-bay?

  8. @Krouth, thanks for proving my point.
    @Choleesa, yeah I know - I did that, but it's still bloody annoying having to do so. I quite liked blocking people then having a conversation on someone else's wall where they would see that person was replying to me but not see what I said.
    @Yeamie, you should, you might be surprised how little you miss it.
    @Eva, there's loads. I plan to find more too.
    @GB, Most of them are. People that added me due to friends in common, tbh I don't really care what they say. I have a few internet friends on there that I like, it's them I don't want to lose touch with.
    @Lauren, it's become a bit of a virus, and kind of ruined by everyone and his fucking dog getting an account. I knew someone who made a facebook for her pet duck !
    And yeah I think it will.

  9. Love it all, especially the charms to put in pudding. What kind of pudding should I make? Is Jell-O instant pudding O.K.? Or do Brits have some special pudding recipe? If it takes more than five minutes to make, then forget it. I've been thinking about deleting Facebook, but when I put my blog posts on it, they get more hits. I like being a hit. I want to twitter, but alas, I don't know how. I hope to learn soon. Is there a Twitter Guide for Idiots? If Paris Hilton can twat, then I can certainly tweet.


  10. Just choked on my own spit at the Martin Loofah King...priceless!

  11. I am laughing my ass off at this post. I love the MLK loofa...I may have to get one for a gag Christmas gift. However I may want that stool for myself...he he he

  12. I got hit by an over capacity Twitter myself. I'm glad you've found some other form of amusement. I don't know why but I want a Martin Loofah King too. It's nice to see they're trying to bring back the Swastika as a symbol of luck and happiness. And that they've found uses for giant metal dildos that no one wants anymore.

  13. If you go from Facebook to ebay, you are going to run in to just as many idiots, plus you will get extremely annoyed by how horrible people are at pricing their "valuables"-its all bad out there on the internet

  14. It is so wrong... but I had to laugh at the Martin Loofah King-I have a clean. It's wrong, but I still thought it was funny. Facebook *ugh*. I really like the G+. Never tried twitter.

  15. I can relate to every single one of these. I have my albums viewable only to a couple people, that was when everyone of my IRL friends were pissing me the fuck off all the time, and I didn't want them on my wall or talking to me, or seeing my pictures.

    A friend of mine deactivated her account, and when she came back, indeed everyone had their panties in a wad over her deactivating it. It's so ridiculous! Who cares? Why do you? Not like they talk to her all the time anyway.

    About that salt shaker: I hate when pictures are out of focus. Why even buy a digital camera if you're not going to fucking learn how to use it? Maybe this is just a peeve of mine, but for fucks sake make sure that the object you're showing us is in fucking focus!

    Anyway... lol

  16. I had never had a personal facebook account. (:

  17. Congratulations on deleting your facebook! It's worrying how some people feel the need to share every irrelevant detail of their irrelevant lives with us. If I wasn't such an addict then I'd probably delete mine too!

    Also, those shorts are pretty sexy, buy them immediately! :)

  18. I got the over capasity page on twitter the second time I went there! Made me lose confidence in the place!
    As for the salt shaker the picture of the earth in the background of your blog makes it look like something is poring out of the shaker!

  19. @flip, why do I have no problem believing that you would do that ? I already have the cats, if I put the hairballs on ebay would you buy them ? And they probably do, I'll keep a look out for you.
    @Lola, they are for Christmas puddings, which apprently are supposed to be made months before and left to soak in alcohol...guess that means no then. I never posted about my blog on FB, I kinda liked to keep the two separate, Twitter is easy - just go and sign up. NOW. I demand you do it.
    @lily, there are worse things to choke on.
    @Chuck, the shop I found it in on there has loads of hilarious joke stuff. I have ordered quite a few different things - well I won't be there when the recipients (ie my sisters kids) open them.
    @Mark, glad it's not just me then. I think everyone wants one for the rest of it the mind boggles.
    @gweenbrick, I already have and I already am. I have sold stuff on there myself and the amount of emails you get from people wanting to "do a deal". . ie get stuff for next to nothing is unreal.
    I think there is endless product review potential there though.
    @Jamie, glad it amused you. And yeah me to.
    @angela, It has definately lost it's appeal for me now. And I agree about the pictures, especially when you are hoping someone will buy it. But at least they HAD a picture, unlike some.
    @iwf, don't bother !
    @Sarah, the best way to get over the addiction is to cold turkey - it's working for me anyway. I will.
    @Bersecules, Hahaha I never noticed that - another one for your Mum maybe ?

  20. It looks like a pepper dispenser. No?
    As far as the swastika..... Imagine how the poor Indian people felt when the damn Nazis mucked up their symbol.
    Probably like: "What!? You're frikkin' KIDDING me!! I just ordered over a thousand 'Don we now our gay apparel' greeting cards!! Ohhhhh, F!!"
    And you can forget about calling them the Gay Nineties anymore.

  21. How timely! Today is NUD/Nat'l Unfriend Day. It probably extends to the UK. (

    Perhaps these cards & NUD criteria will come in handy too:

    Thanks, as always for the giggle. BTW, the midevil metal dildo, is that still available, or did *someone* snap it up? Inquiring minds...

  22. Actually I think you should buy a pair of those shorts and wear then with that Ahh Bra and put the Martin Loofa King mitts.

    That would be a great look. Then when you've drank enough wine to actually believe you look good you can wipe your ass with Hillary's head! LOL

    Love this one!

    And about Facebook! I've actually been contemplating the same thing after my wonderful sister-in-law posted a few mean type comments directed at me, then deleted them once she realized other family could see.

    Facebook sucks and it screwed up my stupid Smart Phone!

  23. wow dirty! i would have withdrawal from leaving facebook. i know this because i tried once. no point trying again for me.

    and that old salt shaker seems to have the perfect line of the moon on your background, leaving me with a horrid vision in my mind of man sploodge.

  24. withdrawal deff, i normmaly friend ppl on fb to sell them soemthing lol, or to get them to click on some content of mine.

  25. Your first picture, the dick looking thing with the moon in the background, looks like it is taking a piss.

  26. Okay, why do you have no follow button? I am miffed.

  27. Laughed myself broken over the Martin Loofah King.

  28. @Al, I guess that depends on what you like to sprinkle on your dinner. You can send one of those cards to me, I promise I won't get offended.
    @BBG, Cheers for the heads up, and 'someone' *coughs* might've made an offer but might be willing to sell it on. . .
    @Kim, genius idea if ever I heard one. I really don't miss it, at some point I will have to reactivate as there are a few pics on there I want to retrieve, but I think that's all I'll do then it's gone for good.
    @Andrea, at least you have another reason for being on it - promoting your music - all it does is annoy me, and we do have g+ now.
    Sorry about that - I might move it around just for you :)
    @Poetry, I am now struggling to contain my inner spelling troll.
    @Coffey, that's not what others seem to think it looks like.
    @IBWMW, I do - at the top and the gadget, and email subs. . . I'm concerned that you can't see them ?
    @ADSL. I'm glad, because your blog makes me do the same.

  29. okay, that was weird. for some reason your blog comes thru extraordinarily wide on my computer so i never saw the whole right hand side. which was easily solved once i realized.

    now following girlie,


  30. Ha, I fucking love the shorts. I think anyone would look banging in them :P

  31. Congrats on murdering Facebook. I fully support that. And these little trinkets are hilarious. I'd love to see MC Hammer sporting those genie pants and a great blinging swastika made out of solid gold.

  32. OMG. I want those shorts/pantaloons. They will look fabulous with my sweat stained @vintage@ psychedelic shirt. You know, the one that l paid £2500 for. It's vintage, dontcha know.

  33. I blushed at that shaker. hmmm...there's a joke I could make that I'm staying away from.

  34. @WW, In that case I'll get some for you too, we can be twins.
    @ABFTS, Me too, if anyone can get away with it he can.
    @11, You as well ? I think I've become a trend setter.
    @Copyboy, go on - you know you want to.

  35. You find the most outrageous stuff! lol.
    And as far as not having a facebook... call people, ask them for their email addresses, and Voila! A way to share pictures.

    I still have facebook, but I definitely deleted everyone who's not family/close friends. Plus, I rarely even use FB.

    Anyways... I hope you'll learn to deal with twitter's frequent problems with Capacity.

  36. I like Facebook because I like keeping an eye on people. I think that makes me kind of creepy though...

    And I don't think I'd feel comfortable using any of those products.

  37. I enjoy reading what idiots post on facebook and seeing their stupid pictures. The more morons I can have as friends, the more entertainment value for me... ;P

    If I didn't have that, I'd have to find something else to make fun of.


Tell me something I don't know.
Comments are moderated so spam me and you're going in the bin.