Saturday, 31 March 2012

panic in detroit


England is in the grip of petrol fever.



Apparently someone somewhere threatened to go on strike about something and that meant there was a chance that just maybe-possibly-potentially there might be a slight petrol shortage sometime in the not too distant future IF it happened. Although the people who had said they MIGHT go on strike had not given any idea of a date when that MIGHT be, and there were still some "talks" happening that would most likely resolve whatever the issue was.
Or to put it another way a Union decided to try and hold the government to ransom. I'm not entirely sure what it is they're after, it may well be quite justified, but ever since the days of the wicked witch Maggie Thatcher the Unions are no longer as powerful as they used to be.

But then someone must of told Dave (and we all know he's not the brightest star in the sky, especially as he has still not answered my letters so clearly still not seeing sense), and Dave decided to tell the British public via our everso reliable, totally honest and not-at-all-likely-to-whip-the-public-into-a-frenzied-panic-media that it might be a sensible idea if everyone kept their tanks topped up, or kept a spare can of petrol JUST IN CASE. 
And anyway we were told the army were on stand-by, and they would get the petrol to where it needed to be but the main thing was for everyone to NOT PANIC BUY.
Hmmm. . . 

Do I need to caption this ? Nah, already done for me.

Smart move.

Because for one thing England has had a week of freakishly hot weather for this time of year - so that sends us all a bit loopy anyway. A friend of mine was riding her bike along our seafront on Wednesday and she saw people swimming in the sea, and our sea here is fucking freezing even in the middle of summer. So yeah, people go a bit mental when they see the sun.

And also because if there's one thing we're good at it's panic buying.
Anyfuckingthing.
And we don't seem to need much of a reason, an impending bank holiday will do it never mind an actual shortage. Nowadays all of the big supermarkets are open every day of the year, but go into one the day before a bank holiday and you will see people buying up enough food to see them through your average nuclear holocaust.


I don't think we ever got over the rationing during the war.
Or the power cuts and strikes that happened when I was a kid.
Certainly my parents generation never did and I guess some of them have passed that on to their children too, my Mum only had to hear the word strike and she'd be off to Tesco to buy 10 loaves of bread, 20 pints of milk and as much meat as she could fit in her freezer.
Even though there was only two people in her house, she rarely ate sandwiches, her husband drank black coffee and the strike was in a carpet factory at the other end of the country.

But anyway, thanks to Dave and his bunch of tossers government giving out the warning we now have queues at petrol stations from 6am every day and some are actually closed because they have run out completely.
In trying to beat the potential shortage that maybe-possibly-potentially could have happened the drivers of this country have actually made the thing they were trying to get prepared for happen.
Idiots.

A typical British day out in the sunshine.

And then this evening they announced that the proposed strike has been averted . . . for now. But there is something that only two people knew about until I wrote this and now you, dear sheep, are being let in on the secret.
All this is actually my fault.
And not because I have failed in my attempt at world domination valiant mission to get Dave to listen to me.


Oh no.
This is yet another example of the notorious Cowgirl jinx.

As you may remember I am not allowed for public safety reasons don't drive. Consequently I have no need to buy petrol. Ever.
But, I have a rather nasty persistent overgrown weed (not that kind of weed, yeah I fucking wish) growing in my garden. Every year I hack it down and spray it and every year the fucking awful thing comes back. I told a mate about it, as I was thinking I would have to pay some specialised service to come and get rid of it for me. He said that if I drill into the roots and pour some diesel in it's bound to kill it once and for all. I know it's not really allowed, bad for the environment blah blah blah, but it's not like I'm building a nuclear reactor in the shed (I'm not fucking french) and a can of diesel is about a fiver, compared to what it would cost to get someone in ? Yeah, I'm gonna try Steve's suggestion first.
My mate at work found a petrol can for me on Friday and said that she would get some for me during the week when she filled up her car so that I could do the garden this weekend while the weather is still nice.

She gave up every time she went because of the size of the queues.

And now not only are there the mile long queues at the garages that have still got fuel, they have now said that they are not letting anyone fill up spare petrol cans.

See ?
All my fault.
I really should run for Prime Minister, it seems I can fuck up the country just as much as Dave.

And all I need to do it is an empty one of these.



22 comments:

  1. You are running your country into the ground, cowgirl, all from the comfort of your home. Such power....

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    Replies
    1. I know, I'm trying not to let it go to my head...

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  2. This panic over the petrol is really doing my head in, the whole thing is so stupid and the government of Cameron the cock and his cronies must be rubbing their hands in glee at the extra 32 million pounds they've gained this week on petrol excess duty tax.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I forgot about the money, shoulda mentioned that.

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  3. It's funny watching Dave telling people not to panic buy, whilst at the same time, inadvertently suggesting people panic buy.

    A friend who was STUPID enough to be taken in by the whole thing, stated that whilst waiting in the queue, (see stupid)he noticed the prices went up with every other car in front...Hmmmm...I'm sure there's nothing suspicious in that.

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    Replies
    1. It just goes to prove how stupid he really is. Dave that is, not your friend.

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  4. Yeah I saw this happening, and I did think there was humour to be found in them causing the problem they were preparing for. Not to mention that if, IF there was a strike, they would have to give a weeks notice. More than enough time to panic buy. It's not been a very good week for our cunt and master Dave.

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    Replies
    1. Does he ever have a good week though ?

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  5. Hmmm yeah I heard about that...well at least saw it on the teev...I saw some smart aleck (well kinda resourceful) with a shopping trolley with 4 jerry cans in it lining up sayng that he wasnt going to waste a drop by DRIVING to the servo...now thats not panic buying is it?

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    Replies
    1. That's just ridiculous. But the place is full of people doing ridiculous things at the moment, next week end is Easter bank holiday too, I guess they need to fuel to fetch all the shopping they will be buying for that.

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  6. I'm guessing that a queue is a line, right? See, I is smart!!!!! Or, I have the power of deductive reasoning and can look at pictures. Really, you guys are having to go through all this mess, and for nothing? And, we Americans are bitching about paying $4 for gas...huh...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup ! Does that mean I am being educational too ?
      I have a feeling it was all started over petrol prices, well that's what the people who don't know it was my fault think anyway.

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  7. If you get down to the roots, then can you destroy the roots? If you can beat the fucking crap out of the roots, the thing won't be able to grow back and you don't need petrol. And do you not have weed killer in your poor panicking country? Excellent photo of that guy named Dave Cock. Or Cock Dave. Whatever.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. The problem is the roots are spreading under the garden paving and every year it comes back in different places. I have tried using week killer, but it still comes back, I think it just doesn't get far enough into it.

      That is our (useless) prime minister.

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    2. Week killer ?
      Wtf is that ?
      WEED killer.

      Delete
  8. haha be on standby...yeah, right.

    I don't watch enough news to keep up with the ongoings other places, but seems like the ongoings are the same everywhere!

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  9. Before I saw the photo of Dave [brilliant photo choice BTW] I thought of USA-ian culture icon DAVE, the owner of fast-food chain Wendy's [TM] where the slop is supposed to be "healthier" and therefore okay to choke on.

    Funass post DCG, and Happy April Fools' Day to you too!

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  10. Well how bizarre...
    I'm reading your post, laughing at the general stupidity of the British public.
    Then I see your pic about "A typical British day out in the sunshine", and I think "that looks familiar"
    ...and on closer inspection it is a picture of my local supermarket's petrol station.

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  11. I hate it that gas prices are rising. Not that I drive much, but it is the secret ingredient in my favorite drink; a Molotov Cocktail. I read about them in this lovely little Anarchist Cookbook, and have been hooked every since. They go down a little rough, but man what a kick. Maybe I'll have to switch over to napalm. Or meth. Oh well.

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  12. our gas was only 50 cents a litre in one area of our country today.

    there was almost a riot.

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  13. I don't know where the hell the 50 cents is. Here it has risen to 1.35. Bastards, we all line up for the priveledge of getting at that price after two price hikes in two days.

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