Wednesday, 28 September 2011

trespassers should be shot

Today I left work just after 5pm and got home just before seven.
For a journey that involves a five minute lift from work to the train station, 15/ 20 mins train journey then a ten minute walk to my house.
Why ?

Because, apparently, there were "trespassers on the line".
Of course the train didn't stop at an actual station, where I could've gotten off and got a bus. Oh no.
It stopped just before the fucking station so I, and all the other passengers, were trapped.
Held hostage on a train by what was no doubt a couple of kids thinking it was entertaining to get on the tracks.

People who mean to kill themselves tend to wait until the train is approaching then jump out at the last minute. They don't go for an afternoon stroll and a picnic down the track.
Yup, had to be kids.
Personally I wouldn't of stopped the trains.
The fucktards would no doubt get off the line pretty damn quick when they see a fucking great train heading towards them.

You can bet had they been injured their parents would've been looking for compensation from the train company. I have to wonder at the mentality of kids that think it's fun to do dangerously stupid stuff like that, and why ? But I've already written enough about my opinions of what causes a lot of the problems with young people in general so I'm not gonna get started on that again.
I'm home, I've eaten and calm has been restored.
Albeit two hours late.

However the calm, tidy, peaceful environment I call home is about to be royally shattered in about an hours time.
The progeny is coming home for a month.
Yeah it will be nice to see him, but by the time I get home from work tomorrow the drum kit will be reassembled, every cup in the house will be dirty (why does he need a clean cup EVERY time he gets a drink - I just rinse out the one already used), and my new table will be piled up with crap.
Tomorrow I might deliberately be late home.
In fact I might walk home. . . just follow the train tracks

Still every cloud and all that.
I now have someone to bully bribe to go up the shop and make me a coffee.

And his cat will stop yowling at me.
If you ever want a really peaceful life NEVER get a Siamese cat.
Actually it's quite bizarre, Son and his cat seem to have a psychic connection. When he first moved in April his cat disappeared for about a week, I wasn't too worried at first as I have another one that often does this - they do say all cats have at least one other home - and since I hadn't seen either I presumed they were together. But when it got to over a week I was concerned and messaged Son.
He said he'd "send him a message".
This was about 11pm, an hour later I went into the kitchen and both 'missing' cats were sat on the table.

He does look a bit like this. . . 

Until today I had not seen the cat again for about four days, I came home this evening - did I mention TWO HOURS LATE Grrrr - and he was sat on the doorstep waiting.
Right now he's sat on the back of the sofa and he hasn't taken his eyes off the front door.
He knows Son is coming home.

At least one of us is looking forward to the impending chaos.

I have to go - guess who has just text me and said he has no English money on him and so can I pay for the taxi from the station.
And you can bet no cunt is gonna jump out in front of his train and delay my emptying purse.
Looks like the Bank Of Mum is back in business.

Don't bother copying my details - the account will be empty by tomorrow.

Off to the cashpoint I go. . . .

Wish I'd seen this a few years ago. Might change the word teenager to twenty something's and print it off - just in case he stays too long.

Update : re missing cats.
The comment from Fraser reminded me of this


  1. I share your feeling about the retards blocking the tracks. I am a big proponent of running them over.

    This post reminded me of a story that happened a while ago. In a smaller city in my country, a bunch of guys threw a sofa AND a refrigerator to the tracks. The train wasn't a regular passengers one, i think they were carrying cows or something like that. Naturally the train had to stop and they went and robbed a bunch of animals.

    Ok, it isn't THAT funny. I guess i remembered funnier than it really was.

  2. Two hours is a longer delay than required if the train had hit someone. They must have been chasing the kids up and down the line like the Keystone Kops.

  3. Creepy psychic cat/son connection.
    I like your bank of mum check-mine are still little, and I feel them sucking the financial vitality out me

  4. I have two cats, one of them spends a lot of time inside the house, and one spends a lot of time outside. I think she's mostly just exploring though, and she'll start staying in more either as she runs out of things to find, or the weather turns colder. As for kids on the track, every time a kid runs out into the road I tell my dad to speed up, not break. It's evolution at work surely? They're way more likely to get off the tracks when a huge train is hurtling towards them than when it's stopping for them. The title reminds me of a sign I want, "Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again", I also love the teenagers sign. If I ever have kids I will be investing in one of those. Last but not least I've written that story you asked me to write, it's five A4 pages long and took an hour and a half, I do not, I repeat NOT guarantee quality. I can either email it all to you, or just put it up on my blog, but also I'm willing to not post it if you don't want me to. Jeez I know you tend to reply to comments but this is a lot to reply to in one go -_- Sorry bout that.

  5. @Fraser, thanks for reminding me of something really funny.
    @HP, that is quite funny, but I wonder where they put them once they had stolen them. Imagine if the police came knocking..."what cows officer ? those things in my shed ? nah, they're just REALLY big dogs"
    @GB, Indeed, so wish I could've seen that.
    @Gween, yeah give it time - it starts with fisher price and progresses through games consoles to drumkits.
    @Mark, I LOVE the comments so please carry on. I have another older cat that does that too - there is a post on here with pics of all three of them. I also love that you actually wrote that story, I think you should publish it...but how about letting me use it as a guest blog too - seein as it's kinda about me ?

  6. Well I'll email it to you and you can do what you want with it. But if you use it as a guest post I will be posting a link to it on my blog :P One thing I forgot to comment on is how I love the connection your son and your cats have. I like meowing at my cats back, and sometimes it's like they can understand me (they have also sometimes appeared in my room like I've summoned them XD) But I can't exactly say that this isn't all just coincidence lol. Anyway, emailing story now. I think I should be trying to sleep but screw that, sleep is for the weak. And the tired. Wait I'm both. Damn.

  7. Woah, some of the measures that transport takes are so over reactionary. tough to tell which side i'd prefer them to err on.

  8. Sounds like a bloody awful trip home! Glad you get to see your son again...and the two pussies.

  9. Oh the good old days of train chicken and putting money on the tracks so the trains flattened it ! I actually got chased by a train driver once but that was in a pub and because I called his wife ( unknowingly ) a beast ! But ... He was a train driver so I out ran him ... 1-0 to me !

  10. I love cats and their incredible sixth sense! LOL at that Teenagers poster - I was so like that when I was a teen. :D

  11. lol, you wrote all that and all I could focus on was 'womb fruit'.
    So looking forward to reading about the adventures of you and son. :0)

  12. No English money? I may have missed this along the way, but where's he coming from?

  13. Just don't mistake your son for a trespasser and shoot him. The law generally frowns on that.

    (Unless he overstays his welcome.)

  14. Yes, this is the world we live in. If someone is dumb enough to play on train tracks and get hit by a big, insanely loud train (that whistles for a long damn time before it hits you), their family gets to sue the train company. Personally, I think they should write the train company a thank you note for ridding the world of another idiot, but then again, I'm an insensitive asshole.

  15. What do you have in your mind if you think that making a picninc on the rails is a good idea?

  16. That was a comment I think I forgot to make. I love the name Womb Fruit and might just have to have a kid called that.

  17. @Mark, Sleeps for losers.
    @Mike, They are indeed. I just wanted to get home.
    @Chuck, I'm not sure if I am the remote has already gone missing.
    @Stu, Are you telling me it might've been you ?
    @Vee, me too. I have many more weird stories about them but I promised one of my readers that I would only ever do one cat post and I did that ages ago.
    @Lily, It will mostly be him making a mess and me moaning. I'll leave the parenthood posts to you, you do it far better.
    @Al, He lives in Barcelona.
    @Flip, See I was planning on saying I forgot he was back and thought it was an intruder.
    @Beer, You may well be, but you're a funny one and you're right.
    @Pip, Hunger ?? I suppose there are worse places for a picnic. Like the M25.

  18. Welcome home cat whisper! (Unless he's still sitting on the tracks)

  19. gr8 blog Bdw check out my
    fashion blog n lets
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  20. I have grown up a little now DCG! And a am from the countryside so we had to make our own fun ! It was all climbing trees, setting fire to bins, train chicken and sniffing glue and sometimes mixing all of those things together!

    The good ol days !

  21. @BBG, I lolled at that. But if he makes a mess he wont't be sitting on the tracks he'll be tied to them.
    @Chulala, If I ever follow a fashion blog I hope my readers arrange to have me sectioned.
    @Stu, NEVER grow up !

  22. effing teenagers. they NEVER stop the train for me. once i was trapped in one of the train doors while it was moving and i couldn't pull myself through and they yelled at me for not being flexible enough to get through. AWESOME.

  23. Sorry Lucy but that made me laugh.


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