bad decisions

No offence to my readers across the pond but I used to think America was pretty fucked.
The home of McDonalds, Jerry Springer, KKK and the Westborough church.

I suppose it's relevant to the size of the country but America seems to have the worst of everything. Serial killers, drive by shootings, gangs, botox filled 8 year olds in beauty pageants, crazy people and extreme obesity.
There is so much stuff that I see on the TV that makes me say 'only in America'.
And yeah I know that there are other countries where worse things happen, but it seems to me that some parts of America are so fucking tolerant of so much wrongness whilst being intolerant of other things that are rightly becoming accepted elsewhere - gay marriage for instance.
But the thing that scares me the most is watching documentaries about the youth. Especially young black people, any American prison I've ever seen on TV appears to be full of young black men, my sons age and younger, who often talk about killing each other and awful things they've seen on the street as if it's normal everyday stuff.
I guess for them it is.
I find that worrying and very very sad.

Some of the things I've seen and heard about the country made me very glad indeed to be English.

But lately I'm starting to think that we're heading the same way over here.

If we want our country to have a decent prosperous future then we need to invest in our youth. It sounds like a cliche but the children are the future, and if you don't take care of them - by giving them decent chances and choices in life you're gonna get screwed when it's their turn to run the country or work and pay taxes that keep the place afloat.
Fact.

Crime rates, underage drinking, poverty, lack of education, teenage pregnancy and drug use are linked.
Fact.
It's also true that a lot of those things occur out of boredom, lack of choice and low aspirations. Many young people nowadays live in areas of high density population where unemployment rates are high and the local schools are performing badly in terms of pupils achievements.

It's a downward spiral of low expectations and outcomes that's starting at a younger age with each new generation.

One of my previous jobs was working for a community based charity that targetted young people who were perceived to be at risk of, or already involved in criminal activity by setting up Youth Inclusion Programmes. Since I was employed at the start of a new project part of the role was to talk to the police, youth offending team, schools and councillors and obtain anti-social behaviour and crime statistics for the area.
As a charity that relied on funding we needed to be able to prove there was a need in the chosen area, and then over time show that the work we undertook had an effect on those statistics.
The work was essentially in two parts, young people who were referred into the project by the police and YOT -  these kids were the ones to whom we would offer an intensive service that involved mentoring, and the other part was to set up and run community based activities that were open to any young person who wanted to attend.

It took about six months to get things properly up and running. Some young people were easier to reach then others, but once it was in place we had ALL the kids from the area who were known to the police involved, coming to our sports sessions, youth groups, working with us in school, some were even working towards recognised awards such as the Duke of Edinburgh.

We helped these kids stay out of trouble by keeping them entertained.
Although I no longer work there the project - and several others run by the same charity around the city - are still running and doing great things. I could write about individuals I personally mentored and achievements they made but this would end up being an epic post, lets just say it still makes me very happy to know I played a part in helping them on the right path.
I occasionally see some of the young people around and they are all doing well. Yes there are some for whom it doesn't work, but mostly it does.
And yes, those statistics did indeed drop.

And really all we did was give them something productive and entertaining to do with their spare time that gave them a choice other then petty crime and anti-social behaviour.

And then . . . .

Today on the news I hear the government are cutting funding to youth services by FOUR MILLION pounds.

Way to fucking go.

All this will do is increase the levels of boredom, and lack of productive activities for our kids and force closure of the remaining youth centres, and what will the end result of that be ?
Bored kids getting into trouble.
And worse.
(Update in light of recent events: Much worse. Once again I was right.)

Because it will be the youngsters from the poorer families in the deprived areas where the youth club is their only alternative to hanging around the streets who suffer. The ones who need the free services because for whatever reason their families cannot afford to be paying for expensive clubs and sports centres.
Even if they could young people are often quite territorial, they like to socialise and meet with their friends in their local area, and a lot of built up urban areas are lucky to have a park, never mind a sports centre, cinema or the like.
And of course the other important service that youth workers provide is taking the time to get to know the young people and their problems, and offering alternatives and solutions. They are crucial in identifying issues that need specialised help, like drugs workers and health advisers and can direct young people to other services that they are often unaware of such as sexual health. Sometimes they identify victims of child abuse, their role goes way beyond organising activities.

In Hampshire alone this will mean the loss of 150 youth workers and Connexions advisers. Connexions is a service that helps young people access jobs and further education.

The announcement said that services to disabled youngsters won't be affected.
Well I guess that's good news for them but they are rarely the kids who end up in trouble, and if you're disabled there is other help available to you and your family. In this country if you as an adult are unable to work because you are caring for another person who is disabled there are extra benefits you can claim, and there are many charities that offer all kinds of help.

Living in a high rise flat in a crap area where there's nothing to do and no green spaces with three siblings, one parent and no money qualifies you for nothing.
Apart from a shitty life.
Education might be a way out, as long as your school isn't subject to government cuts that mean there are 40 kids to every teacher and the disruptive kids ruin every lesson because there's no money left to fund pupil referral units that specialise in helping them.

The other 'sweetener' to accompany this bitter pill is that instead of 4 million given to youth services, which generally run centers and offer services that are available to all, the government is going to give 1.8 million to youth  charities. They do great things, as I said it was a charity that I worked for, but often with charities the work will be aimed at a particular group to the exclusion of others. Charities are required to bid for funding, so there is no guarantee that the money will go where it is most needed. If the worst and neediest area has no charity based within it to apply for some of that money then none is going to go there.

In the same news bulletin was the announcement that the Hindhead tunnel opened today.
This cost THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY MILLION pounds.

This'll come in handy when no-one can afford a car anymore.

And we are also reported to be spending around NINE BILLION pounds on the various venues etc needed to host the Olympics next year.

Lately twisted priorities seem to be a bit of a recurring theme for me, but this, takes the proverbial fucking biscuit.
Lets invest in roads and stadiums to impress the rest of the world.
And who gives a fuck that our young people are fast becoming a wasted generation with nothing to look forward to apart from criminal records, drugs, unemployment, teenage pregnancy and prison.

We need to start making some serious investments in our schools, and that means paying teachers a decent wage as well as the buildings, and stop cutting back on the services that provide for those most in need.

When's the next election 'cos I think I'd make a much better job of running this country then the fuckwits doing it now.

If Americas's screwed then Britain is being royally fucked up the arse.

hey anonymous

Today I received this in my comments on my last post.

"How dare you say things like this about Amy Winehouse. What gives you the right to say stuff like that about her life, you didn't know her and you obviously know nothing about being a drug addict, she couldn't help it and she didn't deserve to die. You should be ashamed of yourself and apologise for what you said, you think you can say anything you like Dirty Cowgirl or whoever you really are, but if you have any respect for her you will remove this post."

What ?

Sounds to me like Ms Winehouse had at least one fan who was even more crazy then she was.
Anyway now I've stopped laughing let me respond.

First of all Anonymous or whoever YOU really are this is MY blog. Get it ? MINE. That means I can say whatever the fuck I like here. And yeah DCG might not be my actual name but I'm not as anonymous as you. That picture to the right is me, and there are other pictures of me and my real name elsewhere on this blog. Anyone who knows me in real life would look at this and recognise me.
I have the bollocks to stand by my words. You need to grow a pair.
If you want to have a go at me at least have the bottle to do so as yourself.
Fucking lily livered chicken shit cunt.

I said what I did, if you had bothered to read it correctly, to make a point that I thought the press was at fault for the amount of coverage it gave to her death as opposed to the events in Norway. And any comment I made about her CHOSEN lifestyle was based upon the well documented and frequently photographed and filmed catastrophes of her life.
She never did anything to earn my respect but I NEVER said she deserved to die.
My point in regard to that was that Amy chose to take the drugs and alcohol she put into her own body.
The young people in Norway were victims of someone else's psychosis.

And FYI I happen to know a lot about drugs and the problems of addiction, both in a private and professional capacity. I may at some point choose to write about that, or I may not. But since you know absolutely nothing about me - unless you read all of my blog which my stats are telling me is not the case - then you have far less right to criticise me then I do any so called celebrity whose life is up for public scrutiny.

And no, I'm not ashamed of myself, I won't apologise for voicing my thoughts and I have absolutely no intention of removing a post because one fucking idiot didn't like what I said.

Go fuck yourself.
Or at least come back as you and have a proper argument instead of hiding behind 'anonymous' comments.
Bring it on.

This really made me laugh, thought I'd share it via a post rather then just publish the comment and respond. The fact that this person actually thinks I'm going to remove the post just because they didn't like it is hilarious.
Do they not understand that the point of having a blog is to have a bit of personal webspace where you can say or write about whatever you like ?
I guess not.
But my blog is kinda my brain, I say that I have no theme or style but I guess in a way I do. Since going back to work full time I don't post as often as I did when I started it, but whenever I see or hear something that makes me think, remember something, laugh or get annoyed I tend to think "I'll write about that later".

So no, not likely to be apologising for that anytime soon.

tragedy

Last Saturday I was up early and off out shopping. Got home around 4pm, pottered about the house for a bit then sat down and put the laptop on.
Top of my facebook newsfeed "RIP Amy Winehouse".
So I put Sky News on.
Since I just wanted to catch up on events but was also checking mail and things online I left it on in the background for a couple of hours.

Very sad, another talented young person dead, and of course I feel for those who knew and loved her.
But the day before 90+ innocent people lost their lives in Norway, and some deranged and disturbed individual pushed the destruct button for them, Amy did it for herself.

And yet she was getting more coverage then the Norwegians.

Sky news kept replaying an interview with her father in which he had spoken of his fears that she would end up dead, and yet they were also saying that they weren't sure if he had even heard about her death as he was believed to be in America.
What ?
How very inappropriate. Here you are broadcasting all about the events as you see them, endless conjecture about her drug and alcohol problems, repeated footage of an interview, various non-entities giving their opinions on the phone, and yet you're not sure if all of her closest relatives are aware.
Imagine if you lost a child, well no don't it's too awful to even imagine, but what if you heard about it via the television ?
Whatever happened to the days when a tragic death might be spoken about on the news but the name would not be given until "all relatives have been informed".

In the wake of the Murdoch / News of The World phone hacking scandal I would've thought all aspects of the British media would want to be very careful about crossing lines at the moment.

I suppose when anything happens to a person who lives their life in the public eye it's very hard to keep it quiet but this was all over the news very soon after she was found, and by the time I put the TV on fans and the media were camped outside her house.
Makes me think someone made a call to the press.
And it seemed to me that on my TV we were getting about 5 minutes out of every 30 about Norway. It was that that I wanted to know more about since I had not seen much news the day before.
But no, Sky obviously thought that yesterdays news was just that.

I understand that Amy's death is closer to home then the events in Norway, and that some people may feel as if they know her whereas those who died abroad are strangers, but I doubt whether anyone who followed the story of her life could say they were really that surprised at what happened.
Given that it's been three years since she last released any music and her few public performances were only noted for the state she was in, would she really still be quite so famous without the drug binges, failed relationships and public displays of messiness. She certainly wouldn't have been in the tabloids and gossip magazines without it.
Her story the last few years has just been a car crash carried out under the glare of publicity.

However nobody could've predicted the massacre in Norway - the whole country must be in a state of absolute shock. And since the media is largely responsible for relaying what happens in the rest of the world shouldn't they be getting some perspective on the coverage they give ?

It's quite clear that all the people close to Amy had tried to help her overcome her problems. But the only person who can really stop addiction is the addict themselves. You can offer help and intervention but unless the addict wants it you're wasting your time.
I guess fame, fortune and money don't make you happy.
In fact they probably just made it a whole lot easier for Amy to get what she thought she needed.

But this isn't a story about some tragic abused homeless lost soul who turned to drugs to escape the horrors of her life, she was perhaps unlucky in love but this is a person who pretty much had it all.
She might've made some bad decisions and choices, but SHE made them.

What choice did the young people who died on that Norwegian island have ?

RIP.
Every person who died too soon these last few days.

introspective flu

The good news is day four and still not smoked.

Not for the want of trying though. I found myself going through the kitchen shelf last night - what was I doing ? Looking for cigarette papers. Why ? Presumably to make a roll-up from the last remaining fag ends in the ash tray on the kitchen table.
Gross.
Then later on I was looking for a pen and found a ready made roll-up in a dish in the lounge. This can only have been left by Son - so that would mean it had been there at least since he left in April. He had a habit (this is one of the things I do not miss) of making cigarettes then leaving them lying around on the shelves, in my pot pourri dishes, on the coffee table . . urghh. Usually if I found one I would bin it, what was my reaction when I found this stale, crumpled specimen ?
YESSS !!!
Double Gross.
I was seriously on my way to find a lighter so I could smoke it.

Then I thought. Why ? Seriously. If you really are that desperate for a cigarette just go to the fucking shop and buy some, who am I cheating if I cave in after all. Only myself and if I can live with that does it really matter if I do or don't smoke. So I ripped up the disgusting item and put the kettle on.
Yup ! Not caved in yet.

But that got me thinking that really my psychological dependence must be stronger then the actual addiction. After four days, for which I've been feeling that ill that I haven't wanted to smoke ( in fact it was over 24 hours before it even occurred to me that I hadn't had a cigarette in how long ) surely the nicotine is pretty much out of my system. I wasn't even feeling any craving to smoke when I started rummaging through the kitchen shelves, and I swear I don't know why I went out there in the first place. I realised what I was doing when I remembered that I'd given the packet of papers that were there to a mate a couple of weeks ago.

The ash tray on the kitchen table had gotten hidden under a newspaper and I'd found it earlier. Normally I would've just emptied it. So something in the back of my mind registered the two half smoked cigarettes and later on sent me in search of papers to smoke them with.
Nicotine is evil.
I am being mind controlled by a chemical slave master.

Mmmmm. . . . saved for later ?

I think I might need to go and get some patches just to shut that noisy cunt up.

So anyway as a result of all this along came a large dose of introspection. Thanks flu ! Cheer me up with a big fat slice of what the fuck am I doing with my life why don't you.
Of course what else can you do really apart from think when you're feeling too shit to get up and do anything, watching TV gives you a headache, and you've slept so much that if you did it anymore there's a danger you'd need medication for bed sores and finally lose your grip on reality. Or what passes for it in my world anyway.
First thought that popped up for over-analysis ? I am all alone.
Well not entirely in the world, but certainly in my house. Even the cats keep fucking off for days on end. Bastards.
I'm gonna buy a huge fresh salmon and not share it with them.
Actually this particular gem of an idea first began over a week ago. I banged my head - and then it occurred to me that had I knocked myself out nobody would find me.
What if I drunkenly accidentally fell down the stairs on a Friday night, given my love of tequila special gift for clumsiness this is more then possible, and broke my legs but had left my phone upstairs.
I could be lying in a crumpled heap in a pool of my own piss for days and no-one would notice. Even my friend I work for would probably think I'd just gotten to the end of a period of insomnia and would no doubt phone when I eventually surfaced from my self inflicted coma if I failed to show up on Monday morning.

I've taken to keeping my phone in my pocket all the time.
I was quite fortunate that this bout of illness happened a couple of days after I'd done my shopping but what if it hadn't ? What if I needed stuff - other then cigarettes - who the fuck is there to get it for me ?

Now, I don't wish to sound like I'm some sort of sad recluse with no friends.
There's a point to this.
Apart from my sister, who lives 10 mins away, I also have half a dozen mates who are equally close by. Or I did - it's been so long since I've seen a couple of them they may well of emigrated for all I know. I like to think that any and all of my friends know that even though I might not see them very often if they need me I'll be there. But my thoughts, as I was wondering which of them I could've called and asked to bring me coffee, loo rolls and emergency chocolate was "I can't ask her I haven't seen her for six months". So . . . by the same token if they needed something they might think of me but then draw the same conclusion.
So, decision made - I am going to make more of an effort to be a better friend.
This won't be too hard.
A monthly text would be more of an effort then I'm making at the moment.

But anyway who needs friends when you have sheep ?

This is dedicated to you my baaheautiful flock.

Next on the list of why won't my fucking stupid brain shut up bothering me topics. Finance.
I'm not skint, my outgoings and my wages are just about equal. But, I have a spare room that I could be renting out for pure profit, if I just got my fat lazy arse in gear and sorted the fucking room out. It needs painting - and I have plenty of paint, and a new carpet - for a 10ft square room ? About £40. Big deal.

Opening shot of a porn movie anyone ?

This also falls into the category of things that I stress about when I'm too ill to do them but can't be arsed to do when I'm not. Stupid brain won't even allow me to enjoy wallowing in the self pity of illness.
Like I need to fix the trim around the edge of the wooden floor in the lounge. The floor was done months ago, and I bought the trim soon after, I just never quite. . .  And why the fuck have I been stressing about that for the last three days when it's been sat there ready to do for months.

So I 've made a list.
And this week-end - presuming I'm feeling better - which I think I will be, I am going to start working though the jobs on it. I will do them one at a time and finish one before starting another. Spare room is first.
And when that's finished I will buy myself 40 cigarettes as a reward start on the next job.

Who typed that ^ ?

Hmmm, weren't me I'm sure. Must be that slave master cracking his evil nicotine whip.
I will not succumb.
Seriously need to get well and get busy so I at least stop thinking about cigafuckingrettes. I've also realised that I hate being unable to get to work, and that's not just about me feeling like crap in myself it's feeling like crap because I am letting down people who rely on me. When you're an individuals support person as opposed to being part of a team if you can't be there for some reason it's not like there's other people to step in for you. Of course there is, it's not like I'm working for someone who lives alone. . . nah, that's welcome to my world. . . he has family members there, but I provide the option for him to do as he pleases in the course of a day. And I'm very aware that without me there it might just limit the options for everyone else in his family, they all have busy lives and their own things to do and I play a part in enabling that as well as him.
Am I saying that I like the feeling of being needed ?
Oh fuck I'm turning into my mother.

Goddam you introspective flu.
Get the fuck out of my system and let me get back to normal being myself.

And I'd like my voice back please.
I tried to talk on the phone yesterday, I'd like to think the hoarse husky tone makes me sound kind of sexy but I'm kidding myself really. More Linda Blair then Linda Fiorentino.

Flu can go suck cocks in hell.

i'm no quitter

I have flu.
Yuk.

I haven't moved from my bed, apart from fighting my way through the huge pile of soggy tissues for trips to the loo, and the kitchen for lemsips and flu remedies since about 10pm Friday, that was 48 hours ago. What a waste of a week-end, although I felt so shit I had no choice.
I can be a lazy sod sometimes, it's not exactly unusual for me to have very long lie-ins at the week-end but I HATE being forced to stay in bed because I'm ill. I can never properly relax because I just wind myself up thinking about all the things I could be doing instead.

Better then previous representation of last 48  hours in my house.

On the positive I haven't had a cigarette since about 9pm on Friday.
Smoked the last one and since then been unable to go to the shop. Am I craving one ? Hellyeah. Am I going to get some ? Probably not.
I still feel very wobbly when I stand up, in fact I doubt I'll make it to work tomorrow, but apart from cigarettes there's nothing I need so it's not like I HAVE to go and get milk so whilst I'm there I may as well . . . .
Honestly, I don't think I'd make it to the shop at the moment anyway.

So yeah, wish me luck 'cos I'm gonna try and quit permanently.
I did it once before - for 14 months - then got a bit stressed and decided to just 'have the one'. Within about 4 weeks I was smoking more then I did before I quit.
I guess being a smoker is like any addiction. You are never truly free of it, you just hope to get to a point where you're a smoker who hasn't had a fag for 30 years.

I've wrote this post because I feel as if writing it here means I'm really gonna do it.
How bizarre.

Which probably means that you lot have plenty of angry posts to look forward to.

Fingers crossed.
I'm off to blow my nose.

Update: I have changed the picture. Feeling slightly better today and not so spaced out on flu remedies - and realised that the previous picture made it look as if my crumpled quilt was in fact a large penis.
Now, it's not that I'd have a problem with spending 48 hours under a large penis, to be honest it would possibly make me feel a whole lot better, but why all the tissue ?

Now I feel as if I have to get up and change my bedding so the picture is accurate. Damn. Still not had a fag though.

some parents . . . grrrr

I have just seen something that had me shouting at the TV.

Watching a programme with Jo Frost aka Super Nanny, she's doing an 'on the road' slot in this new show where parents can ask her for a brief bit of advice as well as her normal formula where she spends a longer time with a family.

I think Super Nanny's kind of sexy, bet there's a few dads who think so too.

Just seen a mother and her 15 yr old daughter talking to Jo - Mum's worry is that her daughter, who has decided she wants to be glamour model, will stop trying to do well at school because of her ambition, and then have nothing to fall back on if she is unsuccessful in becoming a model.

Jo asks the kid what she thinks glamour modelling entails,
"I know sometimes you have to go topless but I wouldn't do that . . . unless I had a boob job"
Jo . ."Why do you think you need a boob job ? "
"Because then they'd be perfect".
She also said that she wants to get a nose job.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS UP WITH THE MOTHER ??

Your FIFTEEN year old (and the girl was beautiful) thinks that she will only have perfect looks and boobs if she has surgery and if she does then she'll happily get them out for lads mags and seedy newspapers, and yet you think the biggest problem here is that she might not do well at school ?
Hmmm.

I think her biggest problem is her mother and her misplaced concerns.

Jo gave them both a bit of a chat about self esteem.

I think it says a lot about the message that the media sends out to our young people as a whole. It's hard enough being a teenager with all the hormones flooding your system and the emotional conflicts that can cause, without being constantly bombarded by images that suggest you need to strive for their idea of perfection.
Right at the time in your life when you are at your most insecure.
Most anorexics begin those behaviours during puberty, when body image and the need to fit in are very high in their priorities. Children need to be made to feel confident in themselves, their looks and their abilities and in the first instance that's the job of a responsible parent.
Nurturing a child is about more then putting food on the table and buying games consoles and the latest trainers, you need to take care of their minds too.

The mother wasn't saying anything about the modelling itself or the boob job, just the fall back plan and the education needed to have that.
Of course as a parent you should encourage your child's hopes and aspirations, but that mother needs to look at where her child got the idea from and question why a young girl, who obviously has a less then great self image would want to enter a world where image is everything.

I think they both need a bit more help then five minutes with Super Nanny.

Grrrrr.

Rant over.
Got that off my chest.
Thank you for listening.
I'll probably add more to this later - it's an issue that bothers me, especially having worked with teenagers with emotional problems, but right now I'm tired.

arranged marriage

Last week a friend informed me that I am to be married off.

I should explain.
This friend, myself and a few others are going to India for a month in December. Christmas and New Year in the sun - bring it on. I have never been before, although India has always been on my to-do list, but my friend has been several times.
Her ultimate goal is to buy a house and live out there, but in order to be able to do this she needs to be married to an Indian.
However her husband might have something to say about that.
I, on the other hand, have no husband. So she has decided that the best way round her dilemma is to marry me off to an Indian man so that I can buy the house instead.

In theory I’m not exactly opposed to the idea - I get to live in the house in the sun too, but I’m not sure what my dowry would be. Maybe my Indian readers could research the going rate for a loud sarcastic English bird who lets be honest, is a bit past her sell by date.

I joke - but it's a serious issue. Click pic for more info.

I guess in a culture where arranged marriages are common she might not find it too difficult to set this up, however it’s my understanding that usually when they are between couples where one lives in India that person tends to be the one who wants to move. I had a friend from Pakistan who told me that when she and her UK resident husband got married he was quite prepared to live there but she did not want to stay, and she knew a few people who had made the same choice.

Apparently Indians don’t like India very much.
Perhaps the potential husband and I can swap locations, he can come and live in my house. If I emigrate someone will need to feed the cats.
I can’t take them with me they might get curried.

I've made a note of the number.

As for said husband, I’ve made my list of requirements.
Good looking. Shouldn’t be a problem, I’ve seen some very handsome Indian men.
Not skinny. I like a fella to be a bit chunky, but NOT fat.
Younger then me. But not too young, I’m a wannabe cougar not a child molester.
He needs to be able to cook and clean. I’ll be far too busy laying on the beach and shopping in the markets.
There is another requirement, but I’ve said I’ll check that particular statistic out for myself.

However, there are a few potential problems with this plan.
I am too old for have no intention of having any more babies, but I get the impression Indians like big families although the husband will inherit a grown up step son. That'll have to do.
I’m a devout atheist with no intention of converting although I don’t mind wearing a sari, all those layers of floaty fabrics will hide the lumps and bumps accentuate my curves.
And I’m not exactly a virgin either.
Which I believe is a bit of a requirement for Asian brides.
Verging on the ridiculous maybe.

And then there is my long standing aversion to marriage to overcome. During my adult life three men have asked me to marry them and I turned them all down, for various reasons. The thought of having the same sex for the rest of my life wasn’t exactly appealing either.
Although right now any sex would be an improvement.
Maybe I can marry for lust.

Apparently my friend already has someone in mind, and informs me this person is a ‘man who can’, well what I was told was that he can get anything - as in if you want Viagra he knows where to get it.
That’s good - he may well be needing some of that.
It’s been a while.

I think her best bet is to wait until we’ve been there a while, I tan up quite dark and I have long very dark hair, she might just be able to pass me off as a native.
Well until I open my mouth anyway.
The only Indian words I know are Korma, Dhansak and Tikka Massala.

Actually lately I’ve been considering my current single status having read a few blogs written about peoples experiences with dating sites, and it has got me thinking that I might just give them another go myself. My previous attempts did not go well - I wrote about it ages ago ( if you want to see), but that was just after I got rid of the Worst Mistake I Ever Made so I wasn’t exactly in the best frame of mind at the time.

I actually like being single independent, one of the things I struggle with in relationships is the fact that you’re kind of supposed to consider another person whenever you want to make plans. I don’t really do much anymore, I like my free time to be just that. Free. But if I decide to go on holiday, have a girls night out or want to watch a sick film I don’t want to have to think about whether another person would like that too.
And then there’s all the other things having a boyfriend means you’re supposed to do.

No not that, I can never get enough quite like that, in fact that’s the only thing that makes me wish I wasn’t single.
I’m talking about the small print stuff . . . . shave your legs (and other things), change your sheets more then once a fortnight, don’t let your cats sleep on your bed, ignore the snoring, allow football on your TV. I could go on but I might think myself out of the idea.

No, these are not my legs.
My feet are much smaller.

Yeah, for independent read selfish. And hairy.

But anyway I might just redo my profile on a couple of the more respectable sites and see what happens.
If nothing else it might make for some interesting posts, and who knows some unlucky nice man out there might just want to take me on a date.
I could do with some cock male company.


One last fling before I marry my Indian betrothed can’t hurt can it.

press gang

How ironic is it that one of the biggest scandal mongering newspapers has been forced to shut as a result of a huge scandal involving it's own reporters.

Or scum of the earth ?

For those of you not in the UK the News Of The World is was a Sunday tabloid that filled it's pages with more kiss and tell stories then actual news. It's centre pages were generally filled with someones sordid sex secrets. The paper, which was owned by Rupert Murdoch, thrived on the shame and humiliation it could bring upon public figures. Murdoch is in the process of bidding to own all of BSkyB at the moment, questions are now being asked about his suitability to do so. I hope he is refused, even if he wasn't aware of what was happening, as the owner he has to take ultimate responsibility for all that occurs in his organisation.

The phone hacking scandal that caused it's downfall first came to light a while ago when it was revealed that they had tapped the phones of a few celebrities including Jude Law and Sienna Miller, who recently sued them and received £100,000 in damages.
However it has now been revealed that the paper also hacked the phone of a young woman who was abducted and murdered. When she was first missing and her family realised her phone was still active they kept it topped up and were leaving regular messages for her.
This paper hacked her phone and deleted some of the messages.
The phone was being monitored so of course this was picked up on, this led her family and the police to believe that she was still alive.
Apparently the police have also now questioned the families of two other girls that were abducted and murdered in relation to the same matter.

How fucking low and disgusting is that.
It's bad enough to pry into the lives of celebrities but the false hope they gave that family was cruel and senseless. There is no possible way that it did not occur to whoever deleted those messages what the immediate outcome would be.
The fact that mobile phones can even be hacked so easily raises questions about personal security, but there are also legal issues. The police need warrants to tap phones but if any nosy reporter with access to the right technology can do it then are any of us really safe from prying eyes ?

I know that nothing can ever compensate the family for the loss of their daughter, the person responsible has been imprisoned where he will hopefully rot, but I really hope they sue the paper. The trial has raised concerns over the judicial process because of the way they were treated, so one would imagine that they might not want to ever see a courtroom again but the NOTW should really be made to pay for the extra and unnecessary suffering they caused them and the severe invasion of privacy.
If Sienna Miller gets a hundred grand they should surely be entitled to way more then that.

But isn't it about time something was done about the intrusive nature of the press as a whole ? Even after the death of Princess Diana, where it is acknowledged that they played a part - her car was driving too fast to get away from the paparazzi that followed her every move, they still persist in hounding those considered by them to be legitimate targets.
We live in a society where gossip sells papers and magazines, and for those that court celebrity I guess any publicity is good publicity but a line has to be drawn somewhere.
And do the public that buy these publications not have to take some responsibility for encouraging them ? After all if nobody bought them they might have to have a rethink about the content.

Often at the end of one of the NOTWs salacious articles by some fame hungry slut who slept with a footballer and wanted to tell the world how crap/great he was in bed there would be a number to call if you too had a story about the same person. I wonder how many stupid tarts aspiring models see that as an opportunity to make a few quid, raise their own profile, and set out to sleep with well known people just so they can sell the story.
Quite a lot I bet.

I suppose there is justification for what the papers do if it exposes corruption and crime, but even then is it right for them to break the law to do so ? In the past serious criminals have been set free because police did not follow the correct procedures and the evidence obtained therefore deemed inadmissible in court. Yet it's fine for reporters to break the law and hack phones in the name of freedom of the press ? Then shame whoever the target was into public admissions of guilt.
Although so far it appears that all they have done is hack phones of unfaithful celebrities and distressed families.
So no, no justification there whatsoever.

The investigation into this is ongoing, a few representatives of the paper have been trying to justify their actions to no avail really. Last night one of them was pretty much annihilated by Steve Coogan . . . .

I always thought he was a comedy genius, last night he became a public hero.

Although the NOTW was the UKs biggest selling Sunday paper there are others, and the company that produced it will no doubt just change the name and be back again next week.

A lot of the big companies that used it for advertising announced that they were pulling out before the paper said it was closing, I hope they have enough of a conscience to not use ANY publication produced by the company in the future either. 

Otherwise it just becomes a token gesture.

Loss of revenue is the only way to hit them where it hurts, and for that to have any real effect on an organisation that's worth millions it needs to be sustained long term.

Hopefully other newspaper companies will also learn a lesson from this. But I doubt it.

And you really shouldn't believe all you read in the papers anyway.

Lets face it even the weather report is usually a load of bollocks.

I'm off to tart myself up and see if I can pull a third rate footballer.
I have a gas bill needs paying.

very clever

I've previously written about my hopeless attempts with house plants.

But I'm not the type to give up without a fight and I love a challenge.

In the garden of the house where I work they have some Love In A Mist growing. I like this plant, it reminds me of my Mum as we had some in our garden when I was a kid and it was always my favourite, so I have taken some bulbs and also a little cutting from the Bay tree and am trying again to cultivate some greenery.

Not sure whether it's me or the plants that need luck but wish us both some anyway.

I brought the cuttings home at the week-end so yesterday afternoon I went to the local DIY store to get some pots and compost to plant them.
I found some really nice little pots to get them started in. There was a broken terracotta pot on the ground, I thought I'd take it as I could use it instead of stones in the bottom of the pots for drainage. I checked with the man in charge of the gardening section who said it was fine, then piled the pieces up and put them in the bottom of the shopping cart.

I get to the checkout and the girl looks in the cart at this ......

And said,
"Did you know that pot was broken ?"

Noooooo......You're fucking kidding me right ?

Yeah it's a make your own pot kit - you just glue them together

How many GCSEs do you need to work here then.

Ten out of ten for observation.

It's a modern art pot. (Surrealism at it's best).

How stupid ?
Talk about state the fucking obvious.
I'm very tempted to wait until she's working again and see if I can get a refund.

This is what Love In A Mist is supposed to look like, if I get anything other then brown stalks I will be suitably impressed.

Oh fuck ! Did I just write a post about flowers ?

Shoot me if I do it again.

milk and honey

Last week didn’t exactly get off to a great start.
I managed to oversleep by an hour on Monday, then in an effort to catch up with myself decided to get a cab to the train station. However I didn’t have any cash so asked the driver to stop by the local shop on the way. Turns out the fucking shop is shut for a refurbishment so we had to make a longer detour to the cash point.
Just great.
Make me even later then I already am.
I get to the station just as the train is pulling in - no time to get a ticket, jump on the train and since you are supposed to get a ticket first or risk a £20 fine I go straight to the conductors cab in the rear carriage.
After he finished with the door lock I ask him if I could buy a ticket and this ignorant twat said,
“No, not yet”
“Why ? I need to get a ticket, I didn’t have time before the train left”
It takes all of 3 minutes to issue a ticket.
“I’m too busy now”
Doing what ? Sitting in your little cubicle reading the paper.
“Will you be walking through the train soon though, I’m only going four stops ?”
“Just go away”
What the fuck ?
He then went into his cubicle. I tapped him on the back and said "I will go away but don’t be telling me about no £20 fine when you come to check and I don’t have a ticket”.

He needs to be.

I sat down and he didn’t come out before I got off.
I was thinking thanks for the free ride, except when I got out the other end the barriers were closed so I had to explain to the guard on the gate what had happened. Luckily he believed me - and he said I should report the other fella and gave me the email address to do so.
I have.

I also realised on the train that the reason I never wore the pair of jeans I’d grabbed from the bottom of my wardrobe in my hurry to get out the door was because the zip was broken.
Luckily I had a long top on and huge pants. Sexy huh.

Then I get another cab up to where I work and have to listen to the driver moaning to me about the ‘bloody foreigners’ that are taking all the work that should be his. Especially the Agfhans and Turks apparently.
I bit my lip, I was already wound up by the other ignorant fucker on the train and the last thing I needed was him kicking me out the taxi half way to (already late for) work.
And the best bit . . . .  he wasn’t even English himself.

Coincidentally on the news this week I have been hearing about some new idea to encourage employers to hire less immigrants and more British people.
Have they been talking to the misguided racist patriotic taxi driver ?
It's already causing controversy and arguments amongst the politicians.
No change there then.
Ideas like this are no doubt formed with the best of intentions, it is well known that foreign workers come here and are prepared to work for the minimum wage - or less if they’re illegal - it’s still more then they can earn at home, and they are prepared to work hard for a better life.
That obviously makes them attractive to employers.

Perhaps the government should also be looking at the issues around equality and wages and exploitation of minority and immigrant workers. If employers were forced to pay everyone decent equal wages then there would be no favouritism given to those prepared to work for peanuts in the first place.

Typical UK summers day.

The world as a whole needs to open it’s doors - and eyes - to the people who flee their countries as a result of persecution. But I think when it comes to immigration we have gained a reputation as a country that is easy to get in to, and a lot of people come here thinking it’s the land of milk and honey and opportunity.
It’s not.
We might have a benefits system, a national health service and council housing - I don’t think there are any countries in Eastern Europe, which is where most of the new arrivals are coming from now, that offer those things. But we also have thousands of homeless people and families living below the poverty line, rising crime levels, the highest rate for teenage pregnancy in Europe and our economy and unemployment numbers are worsening all the time.

And until we resolve those problems perhaps it is time we tightened up our immigration policy, if I wanted to go and live in America or Australia I’d have to prove that I had something to offer the country and the means to support myself first. If there isn‘t enough work for them, which is what this new idea is essentially saying, then maybe don’t let them in ?
Given that most of them come here for work anyway.

How are they supposed to support themselves ?
Oh yeah benefits.
Pay the British workers a decent wage so they can pay taxes that you are going to use to pay income support to the people who didn’t get the job.
Is it me or is there something wrong with that idea.
Every day customs intercept people trying to get here illegally in lorries coming over from France, they might not be quite so persistent if they thought they would be caught and sent back home instead of knowing, as they must, that there is (often illegal) work to be found here.

There's another 20 in the back.

It must be awful to know that the only way you can provide for your families, which is all these people really want to do, is to leave them and move thousands of miles away under suspect circumstances.

I can’t imagine being that desperate and I am very grateful that I live here and don’t have to.

But even though I feel some degree of sympathy for them I really think we should look after those who were born here first, whatever the colour of their skin or ethnic origins.
So okay maybe the government and the taxi driver have a point.
But when he was making it in a strong Arabic accent he just sounded like a hypocrite.
Perhaps I do too. It’s a difficult subject to tackle without sounding racist.
But then it’s my blog so I can say whatever I fucking well want. People have a choice about reading it whereas I was pretty much held captive in that cab.
Well for ten minutes anyway.

But, even having said all that this new initiative worries me.
Of course I feel for the people who can’t get work, whatever the reason, but my concern is this campaign will give the racists another reason to spread hate.
And if you start telling employers to hire in favour of British born people then maybe there will be jobs refused to non-white but British people by bigoted employers. To some people if you’re not white then you’re not British, even if your grandparents were born here. Those fuckwits are gonna love this idea.
Employment law in this country is supposed to be include equal opportunities for all the people who call this country their home.
This new campaign might just set that back fifty years.

And breathe.

To get back to Monday it only got worse as the day went on.

Yes my day was pants. Huge pants.

When I got home from work I had a couple of things I needed to do, as it was so hot I removed my top and bra and put on a very thin white vest top. I had just sat down with a coffee when I heard someone moving the crap I had put in front of my house at the week-end.
I figured whoever it was was looking for scrap, and there was a bit more in the back garden.
So forgetting all about the fact that my jeans with the broken zip are undone showing the massive pants and the top with the tits akimbo I open the door.

At least he's got clothes on. I didn't.

There in the front of my house is a fella lifting out the crap. I asked if he wanted to take the stuff from the garden as well, and step outside. We have about 10 seconds of conversation and BANG ! the front door slams shut and I am locked out of my house.
And then I realise that my not exactly small jamoonas are swinging in the breeze and the Bridget Jones pants are on show.
Oh what fucking joy.

I tried crossing my arms and standing behind the recycle bin, but too little too late really.

The fella said he’d jump over the back wall for me, which he did - but that meant I had to leave the safety of the recycle bin to knock the door of the neighbour that I fucking hate and ask to let him through their house.

Luckily my week did improve after that.
And I have now got rid all the crap I no longer want or use from my house.
Hopefully I’ll hear back from the train company and a years free train travel for the upset and distress caused will be on it’s way to me very soon.
Every cloud and all that . . . .

I also overcame a bit of a fear this week and did something I've never done before.
Well I'm not really scared of horses, but they have huge teeth and they do make me nervous. Probably because I was pretty much forced to ride one when I was lot younger and it wasn't exactly well behaved. I don't like heights and I was sat on this huge thing that kept wandering off to the side of the country lane we were walking on and my head was getting shoved in the trees, I thought I was going to get knocked off.

But anyway a friend asked me if I would braid her horses mane.
Here she is, her name is Leonora and I can't remember the name of the breed. Duh ! (Yes Ann, I know you told me three times, but you know I got a brain like a sieve). But she is a descendant of Dutch war horses. Pretty cool I think.

Got any sugar lumps ?

Do you like my new hairdo ?