Friday, 17 June 2011

cowgirl presents . . . .#1

Dear Readers,
Today I have a surprise for you, a very special guest poster.
May I present Mr Flip aka flipaul. . . .

I am not Dirty Cowgirl. I am Mr. flip and I will be your substitute blogger for the day.
But, don't think you can just do whatever you want because your regular blogger isn't here. Oh? She already lets you do whatever you want? Carry on then; but pay attention 'cause there's a test later.

The reason I am blogging on Dirty's site today is because she asked me to. (And by that, I mean I begged her non-stop for weeks, until she finally gave in. Kinda like my high school dating career). I think there are several reasons she finally agreed. One is, we have both recently written blogs on home improvement; she hung a TV crookedly and I built a cat poop patio.

The other reason, I think, is because I am an idiot. Fantastically, amazingly stupid.
Why would she let an idiot post on her site? Once you, her readers, see how good you have it you will never complain about anything she writes about again. And also because it should be entertaining, like drunken clown hookers hitting each other with hot dogs. (For you vegetarians, hitting each other with lobsters.)

So yes. I am an idiot, and I do home improvement, AND I am writing a book about it. Think about it, there are so many books for dummies or idiots. But none, by an idiot. Who understands an idiot better than an idiot? Nobody. And, I'm tired of all those obviously smart people, writing books telling us idiots what to do. No more I say! No more of your patron..azing ising. NO MORE of your looking down on us.

Instructions to follow. . . they come ready for self assembly.
So I am going to write "The Idiot Builds Some Stuffs And Fixes Some Other Stuffs", I think it's gonna be big. If for no other reason than it's going to be big. I am going to have some tools in there. A metal thing that you hit stuff with, and possibly some pointy screw turning things.
I plan on having chapters in my book.
In one chapter I will tell you how beer bottles, 2x4's and duck tape can make an excellent entertainment center or a couch. But be careful, that you put the beer bottles upside down or you might have to go to the emergency room, and nobody believes that you "accidentally sat on a beer bottle", and it's even more embarrassing if you have to take the bus. So trust me, UPSIDE DOWN.

This person did not follow the advice given.

In another chapter, I will talk about plumbing, I plan on calling it the Plumbing Chapter. In this chapter I will attempt to get across to the readers, that if you light yourself on fire with your torch, it is really unpleasant. Really, super unpleasant. You shouldn't do it.
As a matter of fact, if you have plumbing problems, you should probably just move. There will be lots of other good advice in this book. If it is successful I plan on writing other books, a dating book maybe, and I have also always been interested in home surgery as a hobby.

An example of a failed attempt at DIY home plumbing.
I enjoyed this, maybe she'll let me do it again. Not a bleeping chance?

Funny isn't he ?
Now go read and follow his hilarious blog HILL BLOCKS VIEW !!
And Flip you are welcome here anytime . . . . saves me the bother of keeping the flock entertained. 


  1. A guest blogger? Bloody brilliant.

  2. i love it!
    i want to see this book. may i suggest including a rock a'la a hammer as a bonus for those who may not want to purchase proper tools?

  3. meh, I've read better.
    (You wrote this dumbass!)
    In that case, I loved it!

  4. LMAO Dirty he was FABULOUS!!!! Gonna head over to his blog and check it out!

  5. A Guest Blogger?
    He Sucks! hahahaha ... Nah, Flip is some helluva riot. Disturbingly good! Love it and what a brilliant idea DCG!
    You found some cosmic twin with his equally acerbic wit.
    Just a note: is that X-ray from Bangkok by any chance? XD

  6. hehe

    i can see why you were allowed. dirty made a good choice.

  7. Flip, nice post - DCG, nice choice... you both rock... thanks for the laugh!

  8. I just thought i'd drop by and thank you for your input over the last couple of months.
    Although, our comments are few and far between, I just wanted to say thanks and tell you that I value your insight very much so and your words go a long way.
    All the best and thanks again :)

  9. Glad you guys enjoyed it, I'm hoping flip gets a few more readers - he deserves them.

    @abilene - thanks, I just wish you would write more, but your posts are like little gems when I see them :)

  10. Thanks for an interesting post. I've been curious about ebay, although I've never ventured there to buy or sell. I wonder if books would sell?


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