superwoman

Oh the joys of getting older.

I wrote a post a while ago about the negative effect it is having on my eyesight, so I'll leave that particular symptom out of this. If I repeat myself it might seem like I've forgotten what I already said, and I don't want to give the impression that dementia is setting in.

Yet.
I'm sure it's only a matter of time but I've never had the best memory anyway, I'm forever going upstairs then forgetting what I went to get. Or finding whichever item I want straight away then spending half an hour looking for the thing that is actually in my hand. Or going all the way to the supermarket because I need some sugar but it's far cheaper there then the shop at the top of the road, spending sixty quid then getting home, needing a coffee and at that point realising that I forgot the fucking sugar I went there for in the first place.
So I don't know that anyone will notice if I do get dementia.

But I am beginning to realise that every cloud does indeed have a silver lining.

For a start there's the mentalpause to contend with. The obvious upside to that is the monthly visitor no longer comes around which of course saves on one expense. But thanks to the endless hot flashes I think I might have stumbled upon a way to supplement my income by hiring myself out as an alternative energy source. And if anybody is thinking of having a barbecue for a large reasonable fee I will come and provide the outdoor heating for your guests.

And due to the newest addition to my catalogue of ageing symptoms, night sweats, I am saving a fortune on the heating bill. Although it does mean that I'm permanently tired from the constant battle with my quilt.
Get too hot so wake up.
Kick it off.
Go back to sleep.
Get too cold so wake up.
Pull it back.
Get too hot so wake up.
Kick it off . . .

All fucking night. Every fucking night. And I am having some very bizarre dreams when I do sleep. Including a sex dream about Will-i-am-an-annoying-twat-and-according-to-my-dream-a-crap-shag-too. That's what you get for watching the voice and laughing at his inability to string a coherent sentence together without saying the word dope. Ironic really, as he just comes across as being a bit dopey.
Also ironic that a show called the Voice has a judge that can't open his mouth without thinking for five minutes and clearing his throat ten times before speaking. He is that irritating I would happily clear his throat for him with the use of a garrote.

Anyway I digress, back to the original topic. The positive side to getting older.
Did you realise that women actually start to gain a Superpower once we get past 40 ?

It's true.
We become invisible.

Personally I would've preferred the ability to fly, or even something like being able to shoot flames out of my fingertips but I'll take what I can get.
A friend first pointed out this strange phenomena to me, well obviously since I can always see me I didn't realise that other people - in particular men - couldn't, but once I was made aware I realised it is indeed true.

Now THIS I could've had some fun with.

To get the full effect you need to be standing next to another female who is under 40, in fact the younger or blonder the better as the effect of the invisibility will be magnified considerably. If she has big boobs too then it works to the point where you can become completely transparent.

However the effect can be slightly counteracted if even though you are over 40 you are also blonde and/or boobalicious. So if you want to lessen the invisibility then I suggest investing in some peroxide and serious push-up engineering to overcome the ageing females worst enemy.
Gravity.
I happen to think that gravity and Mother Nature are in collusion and Mother Nature might make the flowers bloom and the sun shine but when it comes to the female of the species she's a bit of a bitch. Because just when you get to the age where you have totally lost all the insecurities of youth, and feel comfortable in your own skin, sure of yourself and who you are, she decides to alter the skin so it doesn't quite fit as well as it used to.
Then she gets gravity to come on over and send the contents of most of the skin South.

I swear the pair of them are having a fucking good laugh at the joke they've played on us.

Well they obviously failed to take account of the Superpower, because if they can't see me then they can't laugh at me either. I am going to try and test this ability in other situations too, other then the social settings I've experienced it in so far.
Maybe I can walk into a jewellers and help myself to some diamonds.
Or stroll out of Dixons with a flat screen under my arm ? It's also Sons birthday at the weekend and he needs a new laptop.
Most of the staff in there are young men and they seem to be the ones the effect works on best. All I need do is hang around outside the shop and follow some younger females in and they won't be able to see me.
Yet another financial saving courtesy of the mentalpause.

And I have to say that based upon something that happened earlier I think I prefer being invisible. England has been very hot for a week now and I was wearing a summer dress, I really like it, it's kind of 1940s style, polka dot fabric, and as it is a bit low cut it shows off the jamoonas so I am a bit less invisible when I wear it. It's got elastic gathering just above my waist then the skirt is flared, so I think conceals all the gravity stricken bits below it.

I thought I looked a bit like this. . . 

When I got off the train this evening a (younger male) friend was also on the platform. He came up to me to say hello and as we walked over the bridge together chatting I was aware that his eyes seemed to not be meeting mine and aiming a bit lower.
I thought he was looking at my tits.
Then he said. . . .
"I didn't know you were having a baby. . . "

But apparently it was more like this.

Fuck. My. Life.

Of course he was put swiftly in his place, and he looked SO embarrassed when he realised he was wrong. Ever watched a six foot fella shrink to the size of a small child in front of you ?
I think at that point he wished he was invisible.

No chance mate.
I'm not sharing my Superpower with anyone.

I'm off.
There is a gym just up the road and I am going to lurk around the male changing room. It's not like they'll be able to see me.

chuck gave me herpes

Or the post in which I become a hypocrite.

Because we all know how I feel about blog awards. That is I'll grab them with both hands accept them graciously and put them on my trophy page, but I refuse to comply with any conditions that might be attached because I'm too fucking greedy to share the glory then they spread around like a social disease.

But since I keep staring at my unfinished posts and nothing is happening with them at the moment, and because I can think of a few good blogs that should have more followers to recommend to you all I decided I would rebel against myself ( I may as well, when you get to my age there isn't much else left to rebel for) and do it.
And also because Chuck said he gave it me "just because she'll hate it".

There's a certain irony in getting an award for being CREATIVE that isn't even spelt right. My inner grammar
troll is not amused.

Right then. Bring on the itching. . . .

What is your favourite song?
Dirty Epic - Underworld. But if you've read my "about me" you'll know that. This song just gets to me, no matter how many times I hear it, and whenever I am feeling any kind of bad I just put my headphones on and listen to it LOUD and it always sorts me out.
I actually have the first line tattooed across the back of my neck.

It says "sweet in winter sweet in rain".

If you want to hear the song the video is on my about me.

What is your favorite dessert? 
ALL of the ones with chocolate or lemon in them. I have curves to maintain, you won't catch me eating anything low taste calorie. I am actually going to start a food blog soon - it's all done and ready to go - to share some of the recipes I created. Expect chocolate. Lots of it.

What ticks you off? 
Do I really need to answer this ? I think anyone who reads this blog is well aware of what pisses me off.


When you're upset what do you do? 
Listen to my favourite song. Presuming this means sad upset. For angry upset I tend to blog about it, when it's just generally pissed off angry. When I'm REALLY angry I throw things - or walk away, because I am dangerous when I'm THAT angry. But just because I walked away doesn't mean that person is not on the list.

Which is/was your favourite pet? 
Impossible to answer. I have always had cats and I love them all equally even though they have all had very different characters.

Which do you prefer to wear, black or white?
Purple. But of those two black, apparently it's slimming. And as I can't eat anything without getting half of it all over myself white on me would just be a disaster waiting to happen.

What is your biggest fear? 
Heights. I can't even change a light bulb because my house has high ceilings and it involves climbing a ladder.  My biggest fear whenever Son goes away is that I will end up living in the dark until he comes back. I know I could use candles but with my propensity towards calamity that's not a great idea. Spiders are a close second, but I can deal with them if I have to, I can't cope with heights at all. In fact when I'm stressed I will often dream that I am up high on some kind of narrow structure.

What is your attitude mostly? 
I'm a cunt. And what ????


What is perfection? 
The thing I see in the mirror.
Yeah right.
No one thing really, but my idea of perfect would be to spend every day laying on a sandy beach somewhere very hot.
And Vin Diesel applying the suntan lotion.


What is your guilty pleasure?
Porn.
Wait. . . who typed that ? If you really want to know read THIS.

And now I have to tell you ten random things about me.
1. I own about 60 bras, but I don't have a white one.
2. You know the weird person who starts up a conversation with you somewhere at the bus stop ? That'll be me. I'll talk to anyone.
3. I'm utter crap at managing my money. Always have been.
4. Ever since I could remember I wanted to learn to play the piano.
5. When I was about 13 I got my mum, my sister and me thrown out of a museum because I was bored and there was a really old church organ and I decided to play "what shall we do with the drunken sailor" on it. That was the first (but not the last) time my Mum regretted letting me have the piano lessons.
6. My favourite film is Apocalypse Now. But not the redux, having watched it I can totally see why the deleted scenes were removed.
7. Although I love being in the sea I am rubbish at swimming. I prefer to float around on an airbed. Once in Spain I floated out way too far, I was unaware and half asleep when I heard a mans voice say "are you alright love".. I opened my eyes and there was two fellas on a pedalo. They towed me back to safety, otherwise I might've ended up in Africa.
8. I'm very good at keeping secrets. I love it when people are gossipping about something and wondering what happened and I know the truth.
9. My first proper job after school was in a bank. I got the sack. Apparently you were not allowed to use the money in the till to supplement your wages.
10. I'm going to add these to my about me page. Just as soon as it stops playing up, I've been trying to change something on it for a few days and it won't scroll in the editor.

And finally, I have to infect pass this on to seven other people.
NB. This is the real reason I did this, to encourage you all to go and check them out. So make sure you do, you have been warned about my temper . . . .

1. Janie Junebug. One of my blogging sisters, one day she will come to the UK and then there will be trouble.
2. Working Dan. A blog with a few recurring themes, including his own Game of Thrones. Go and see if you can knock those epic bloggers from ABFTS off that wall. You might even get your very own character drawn. (I'm still waiting for a cowgirl to ride into town).
3. The Ranting Monkey. Frank has pretty much been with me since I started this blog, for the life of me I don't know why he doesn't have more followers. His topics are varied but he is a great writer and when he's being funny he's hilarious.
4. From the Mind of A Madman. I just found this, because Dan started following me. Funny man.
5. Pajama Days in a Klonopin Haze. Another blogging sister, this blog is usually about her very interesting and amusing life but she also has another about her "other" job. Shea is a real life ghost hunter and it's fascinating stuff.
6. The Japing Ape. Written by a gorilla. I kid you not. Always with a rather twisted take on a current news item, I can't explain this - you just need to go and read it.
7. Superlatively Rude.  I just love Laura. I am trying my best to persuade her to marry Son. I need a daughter in law who appreciates my cooking and is happy to talk about vagina while we eat the endless cakes I will make us. And since amongst the many other things she does Laura is writing a book about her vagina she is definitely the one. If you go and visit her be sure to leave a message saying I sent you, it will help with my campaign.

And you should also go and visit Chuck, who gave me the itchy vagina award at Apocalypse Now. He is very funny and he has a blog named after my favourite film.
You lucky seven can accept this or not. And I don't care if you take up the conditions or not.
But if you do. . . Zovirax can stop the itching.

Or so I'm told.

sunday stealing

Hello Strangers !

I've been a bit absent from the blogging world for the last couple of weeks. Real life stuff getting in the way as it does.

And having nothing to complain about.

Actually I've had a bit of a "count my blessings" time, sad things happening for other people that make me realise how full my glass really is. The result of that being that I have two funerals to attend this week.
Anyway I'm not here looking for sympathy, but it's going to be a strange week.
Shit happens.

I actually just counted and I have eleven posts that I started and never finished, after my idea to not publish immediately in case I wanted to add to them later. So at some point you might get to read about : my first love : the night I was possessed by my dead mother : being a parent to a mixed race child : humour versus racism : ANOTHER letter to Dave : a mans guide to Internet dating sites : an idea I had about the Olympics, and a few others.
No wonder I got distracted and confused.

However to get myself back in the habit I am going to join in with something called Sunday Stealing that I saw over on Magical Mimis blog. I only recently started following her, but she takes part in quite a few of these sharing posts, and I like the idea behind this one.

So here we go. I'll put the link at the bottom if any of you lot want to join in too.


1. Have you ever peed your pants as an adult? 
No, not really, but maybe from laughing too much. But when Son was 12 we went to Jamaica and as a result of sunstroke and drinking a pint of fresh orange juice in one go I did manage to poo my pants. We were there for a month, Son met family and we went to all the tourist spots and also some out of the way places, we met amazing people and had wonderful experiences. We get home and a few days later bumped into a friend of mine in the shop. She asked Son if he'd had a good time...
"Yup. . my Mum shit herself".

2. Who do you have a celebrity crush on now? 
Vin Diesel. But it's not a crush it's real love. And he will agree once I have hunted him down and stalked him into submission met him.


3. Would you date someone you met online? 
Have done. A few times. It's not something I'd recommend. This POST was about the most recent. Click the "dating" label if you want to read about more total disasters dates.

4. Do you wear underwear always? 
No, I take them off when I get in the bath. However I have to keep my bra on otherwise it's like walking around with two half deflated airbags up my jumper.


5. Do you hate yourself at times?
Never. But I do despair about myself for my habit of calamity following me around.


7. Do you like dirty movies? 
Hellyeah.

8. Could you believe Josha Ledet was voted off Idol? 
Who ? I'm English, have no idea who he is. But if he was voted off he can't of been that good.


9. When was the last time that you bought a car?
Never. I don't drive. In the interest of public safety.


10. Have you ever been camping? 
Many times. I'm a hippy at heart, I spent a lot of my youth going to illegal festivals and raves. Of course in those days I just had a little tent and all I took was a toothbrush. Nowadays I have a tent with a living room and a bedroom and I take my airbed, quilt, cushions, deck chair, cooking stove and sometimes even a hot water bottle.
I'd take my washing machine and fridge if I could but on account of question 9 I have to get a lift with someone else and I don't think they'd appreciate it.
Plus I don't know where I'd plumb it in in the middle of a field.


11. How many times a day do you go on facebook?
I loathe facebook. I actually deleted it for a while, and when I reactivated it I defriended a lot of the idiots who post about utter crap. I say I keep it because there are a few people on there who I would otherwise not hear from, but then I think if the only way I hear from them is facebook then they obviously don't matter that much.
Still it's good for gossip and seeing how fat and boring people have gotten finding our what people are up to.

12. What was the last movie you saw in a theater? 
Super 8. Great film. Right now I am just about doing a question one (again) waiting for Prometheus.


13. Have you ever worried that you'd cut off a limb?
I did once manage to slice the top of my thumb off while slicing a lemon. There have been times when I've been tempted to remove an appendage from a man. But none of them have been big enough to be called a limb. 


14. Where did you get your last email from? 
A friend I met on blogger, he lives in Canada. I love how some people have become what is the modern equivalent of pen pals, as a child I had a few pen friends around the world and I loved writing letters.


15. Favorite website? 
If I put them all here I'd probably crash blogger. Impossible to pick a favourite, but THIS is one that never fails to make me answer yes to question one.


16. Are you down with ghetto? 
Am I what ?

17. Will the world end in fire or ice?
If I knew the answer to that then I would be the almighty being.
Wait . . .  Ummm . . . It'll end when I say so.


18. Do you believe in the afterlife? 
Yup. I'm not religious, don't believe in god, but I have had enough experiences to know without question that death is not the end. I actually think it might be the beginning.

19. Would you be upset if facebook stopped working?
No. As long as I had time to save some of the photos that I have on there.
And it will be very interesting to watch all the addicts running around like headless chickens.
Best joke of the week :
Why did facebook go public ?
Because even they couldn't work out the new privacy settings.


20. How did you start your blog? 
Long story. When I started it I had just had the worst two years of my life, and I read someone elses that was pretty much the story of their life. I figured that writing about all the crap that had gone on with me would be cathartic, but it never happened. The second post I wrote was about Internet Dating, and it just went from there. Now - as I am completely over all the bad shit - I think that this often sarcastic, sometimes funny, occasionally rude, always honest way of writing is actually an accurate reflection of the real me.

I have a few real life friends who read this, they tell me that my writing "sounds" just like I do in person. In fact a few weeks ago another friend found my blog ( he was looking up gig dates for Underworld and my blog title is actually a lyric from one of their tunes), he sent me the link saying I would like it "because whoever the author is she clearly loves Underworld too and she sounds just like you".

So yeah, if you're still reading Steve - now you know why :)))))

Here's the link for Sunday Stealing

Have a great week people  :)

default setting

Oh dear me Dave, looks like you're at it again.

First up I saw on the news that you are "renewing your vows" with. . . well I don't know his name. . .the lib dem fella with whom you are supposed to be having a political coalition. I guess the fact that I don't know his name says a lot about how high his profile is.

Not exactly sharing the limelight with him are you ?
But the press made it sound like you were entering into a civil partnership. So I gotta wonder about you now. . .
Especially as I also saw an article about a former girlfriend of yours who after giving up drink and drugs is now a nun. That musta been some bad sex you had to make her become an addict then choose a life a celibacy.

But the main reason I feel compelled to write to you yet again is another article that I saw posted on G+. Here you go again, trying to win us over with yet another stupid idea that you no doubt think the British public will approve of.
Apparently you are going to look into getting porn switched off from the UK Internet. This latest stroke of lunacy genius involves blocking all porn sites from our servers as the default setting, we would still be able to opt in but will need to specifically request it. Wonder how that's gonna work with the incognito window.

".....dear ISP I need some light relief, can you bring the lesbians back please..."

Obviously you are not a fan of pornography, otherwise you might've learnt enough about sex to not put that previous girlfriend off it for life, but let me tell you something.
Internet porn is not just watched by perverts and weirdos. Normal, healthy, happy, everyday, curious, rich, poor, young, old, male, female, couples, straight, gay, and every other variation of the human race watch it too.
And trust me when I tell you that if that idea were ever realised you would alienate A LOT of people. It's really not a vote winning plan. Porn is one of those things that some people will never admit to enjoying, but the industry would not be as huge as it is if it were just watched by a small minority, I think you need to consider that.
Actually don't. You might change your mind and decide to find a way to tax us for watching it.

And seriously, do you honestly think you can do that ?
Go against a world-wide million dollar industry and remove the thing that (lets be honest here) is one of the main reasons the Internet got so popular so quickly. Your name is Dave, not Big Brother, and whilst you might be ruining running this country you cannot control the Internet.
Or dictate what we watch on it.

The proposal came about as the result of an enquiry into online child protection, and because the abundance of Internet porn is having a harmful effect on children. Nobody would dispute that. I remember a documentary a while ago about kids watching porn which proved the point so well. The one lad that stuck in my mind had invited a young lady back to his house for some shenanigans, and was telling the presenter that he couldn't understand why she had objected when he tried to put his best friend in her rear end "because that's what they do in porn". And there must be a lot of young people who think that unless you look like a porn star - hairless, big fake tits or a huge cock, you're not going to get any and if you don't bend like a contortionist and keep it up for hours you're doing it wrong.
But what is really needed to stop that is parents to be fully aware of and monitor their children's online activities. Not government intervention, unless they are going to put some money in the pot for education.
Yeah fat chance.
Teenagers are always going to be curious about porn but if you educate them about sex and relationships the right way then they will see it for what it is.  You need to look at the root of the problem - not the symptom.

[I could say plenty more about this, and the fact that paedophiles use the Internet to groom children, but again that's about parenting, and it's nothing that people aren't already aware of. Banning porn will do nothing to stop that, I don't actually think that the Internet has increased child pornography at all. It has always been there, what the Internet did was enable the sick fucks who like it to share with others and build bigger networks. As awful as that is - and as someone who has worked with the victims I understand the effects and impact all too well - what it actually did was make their communications and networks visible. Nothing you do on a computer is ever truly erased, my opinion is that thanks to modern technology more of them have been caught - catch one with a computer and you catch all his contacts too - and that is a good thing].

Ban something and it just becomes all the more attractive.

And anyway Dave do you think that if you were successful it would stop anyone who wanted to from watching porn ?
Yeah right. Because nobody ever saw any before the Internet was invented did they.

I guess you never experienced the trauma of the VHS getting all chewed up in the machine and being unable to eject it before your flatmates came back. Or worried that your Mum had found your smutty magazines when you came home and saw that she had tidied your room for you.


I'm off, I need to download a few files. . .  just in case.


(You can read the article about the Internet HERE. And Daves Ex HERE)
Because I'm not making this shit up.
I don't need to, Dave is the gift that just keeps on giving.
Unless your poor, out of work or homeless.

Or single and horny.

*cough*

My name is Dirtycowgirl and I am an addict.

I am controlled by a demon and it's name is nicotine.
Like every smoker I know all about the risks and what it is doing to my lungs, and I keep saying I'm going to quit, but whilst the brain might think this is a wise idea the willpower says no. I actually gave up for 14 months about 8 years ago, but in a moment of stressed-angry-I-want-to-fucking-kill-someone I reached for my emotional crutch and in the space of two weeks was back to my old lung destroying ways.
I think that being a smoker is a bit like being an alcoholic, you will always be one, but you might get to be a smoker who hasn't had a fag for twenty years. I know people who quit years and years ago who will say that although they will never smoke again there are still times when they find themselves wanting one.

And the truth is that despite all the knowledge of the effects it has on my health I like smoking.
I like to think it makes me look like this :

Even though the reality is more like this :

I started smoking when I was 12. (Yeah, I know). My friend Janet and I decided to smoke because we thought it would make us look grown up, sexy and more attractive to boys. Not that either of us would've known what to do with a boy if the plan had worked at that age. But this was before tobacco advertising was banned and a packet did not come with grotesque pictures and health warnings plastered all over it. It also helped that Janets family owned and lived above a shop, so it was very easy to steal sneak a packet.

The main flaw in the plan to attract the opposite sex was that we were both so scared of getting caught smoking our contraband stash that we used to go and sit under a bridge near her house to do it. It was pretty cosy under there but not exactly a hub of social activity. Although we managed, with the aid of menthol cigarettes, to perfect the art of "taking it down". This enabled us to not cough our guts up with every drag blow the smoke out of our noses (even sexier, or so we thought). Eventually we decided that we needed to take our boy-magnet skills out to the world at large, so we got some money (I don't remember how but I'm pretty sure it involved minor larceny) and got a train to the next town.
So there we are, parading up and down the High Street chain smoking out of our noses and on the look out for unsuspecting males, and not having much luck. But we did bump into two of my Aunties.
Which resulted in a call to my Mum.

I only became a regular smoker and therefore addicted when I started working at 15. As that was in the days before there was so much employment law (am I making myself sound old here), even though it was supposed to be an after school/Saturday job my boss told me that if was bunking having a day off I could go in to work. Given the choice between school and earning money I was at work more then I was in the classroom and consequently had enough money to develop as many bad habits as I wanted.

Until the day I was sat on my checkout and my Maths teacher was in the queue.
Which also resulted in a call to my Mum.

I've never been what you might call a heavy smoker, a packet of twenty will last me 2 or 3 days, but I did eventually progress to the joys of smoking weed.

I was then a regular weed smoker for a very long time, but that stopped when I quit cigarettes and when I began smoking them again I tended to go through phases with weed. I could go for a very long time without it, but if I was at a friends and smoked a joint I'd invariably end up buying some myself. Then for a while I'd get back into it, until I realised that the lethargy that eventually comes with it was taking hold and I'd stop.
The last time I had a "stoner phase" was about two years ago. I wasn't working at the time so the effects of it didn't matter, but I stopped when I decided it was time to get back on the reality train and find a job. I'm not saying that I'll never be a regular weed smoker ever again, but I don't intend to.

I have always felt that had I not been a cigarette smoker I might never have tried weed, because the first time someone offered me a joint I would've said "no thanks I don't smoke". (And if I'd not been into weed then I might've said no to the other things that were offered to me - but that's another story).
But I guess if I ever do succeed in giving up the fags that'll be the end of all of it.

Nowadays the help-you-stop-smoking products are advertised everywhere, but I don't think any of them really work unless you want to stop (when I quit I did it cold turkey) - willpower is the key, not gum, patches or inhalers. They might help with the craving but they do nothing to break the habit, that's all down to you. I know someone who was insisting that her doctor give her Champix because "they worked for me before". Really ? If they worked that well why are you needing them to quit again ?
Nah, like I say, unless you REALLY want to stop nothing will help, and if you REALLY want to stop that much then that should be all you need to do it.

I am halfheartedly cutting down, if I have none in the morning I will sometimes wait until the evening to go to the shop, or if I know I only have a couple left when I leave work I don't buy any on the way home. Son smokes roll-ups so I might get him to make me one of them (to this day I can roll all kinds of fancy joints and I don't need a mat but I can't make a rolly fag to save my fucking life), but I don't really like them so I'll maybe just have one to kill the craving, whereas I'd smoke 4 or 5 cigarettes. Every little helps.
And, as I said, it's been two years since I smoked a joint.

Last night I only had one cigarette left when I got in so I saved that for after my dinner, and Son had gone out so I knew I wasn't going to smoke anymore for the rest of the night.
That's fine. By 10.30 when I decided to go to bed I was craving badly but doing my best to ignore the nagging voice in my head saying "smoke. . nicotine . . smoke. . need to smoke". I went to get myself a drink and saw an ash tray on the kitchen side with an unsmoked roll-up in it.
Fucking result !
(Son tends to make a few up at a time, so it's not unusual to find one about the house).
So I smoked it.
And about six puffs in when I started to feel a bit odd realised that it wasn't a cigarette at all.

Oops.

By the time Son got in I was a giggling mess and when I told him what I'd done he said "well it's lucky I've got this...." and produced a bar of chocolate from his bag.
Fucking double result !



However today I've not been feeling exactly bright.
And no. I'm not tempted to buy a bag of weed.
And Son has been told not to leave anything other then tobacco where I'm likely to find it.