Wednesday, 23 May 2012

chuck gave me herpes

Or the post in which I become a hypocrite.

Because we all know how I feel about blog awards. That is I'll grab them with both hands accept them graciously and put them on my trophy page, but I refuse to comply with any conditions that might be attached because I'm too fucking greedy to share the glory then they spread around like a social disease.

But since I keep staring at my unfinished posts and nothing is happening with them at the moment, and because I can think of a few good blogs that should have more followers to recommend to you all I decided I would rebel against myself ( I may as well, when you get to my age there isn't much else left to rebel for) and do it.
And also because Chuck said he gave it me "just because she'll hate it".

There's a certain irony in getting an award for being CREATIVE that isn't even spelt right. My inner grammar
troll is not amused.

Right then. Bring on the itching. . . .

What is your favourite song?
Dirty Epic - Underworld. But if you've read my "about me" you'll know that. This song just gets to me, no matter how many times I hear it, and whenever I am feeling any kind of bad I just put my headphones on and listen to it LOUD and it always sorts me out.
I actually have the first line tattooed across the back of my neck.

It says "sweet in winter sweet in rain".
If you want to hear the song the video is on my about me.

What is your favorite dessert? 
ALL of the ones with chocolate or lemon in them. I have curves to maintain, you won't catch me eating anything low taste calorie. I am actually going to start a food blog soon - it's all done and ready to go - to share some of the recipes I created. Expect chocolate. Lots of it.

What ticks you off? 
Do I really need to answer this ? I think anyone who reads this blog is well aware of what pisses me off.

When you're upset what do you do? 
Listen to my favourite song. Presuming this means sad upset. For angry upset I tend to blog about it, when it's just generally pissed off angry. When I'm REALLY angry I throw things - or walk away, because I am dangerous when I'm THAT angry. But just because I walked away doesn't mean that person is not on the list.

Which is/was your favourite pet? 
Impossible to answer. I have always had cats and I love them all equally even though they have all had very different characters.

Which do you prefer to wear, black or white?
Purple. But of those two black, apparently it's slimming. And as I can't eat anything without getting half of it all over myself white on me would just be a disaster waiting to happen.

What is your biggest fear? 
Heights. I can't even change a light bulb because my house has high ceilings and it involves climbing a ladder.  My biggest fear whenever Son goes away is that I will end up living in the dark until he comes back. I know I could use candles but with my propensity towards calamity that's not a great idea. Spiders are a close second, but I can deal with them if I have to, I can't cope with heights at all. In fact when I'm stressed I will often dream that I am up high on some kind of narrow structure.

What is your attitude mostly? 
I'm a cunt. And what ????

What is perfection? 
The thing I see in the mirror.
Yeah right.
No one thing really, but my idea of perfect would be to spend every day laying on a sandy beach somewhere very hot.
And Vin Diesel applying the suntan lotion.

What is your guilty pleasure?
Wait. . . who typed that ? If you really want to know read THIS.

And now I have to tell you ten random things about me.
1. I own about 60 bras, but I don't have a white one.
2. You know the weird person who starts up a conversation with you somewhere at the bus stop ? That'll be me. I'll talk to anyone.
3. I'm utter crap at managing my money. Always have been.
4. Ever since I could remember I wanted to learn to play the piano.
5. When I was about 13 I got my mum, my sister and me thrown out of a museum because I was bored and there was a really old church organ and I decided to play "what shall we do with the drunken sailor" on it. That was the first (but not the last) time my Mum regretted letting me have the piano lessons.
6. My favourite film is Apocalypse Now. But not the redux, having watched it I can totally see why the deleted scenes were removed.
7. Although I love being in the sea I am rubbish at swimming. I prefer to float around on an airbed. Once in Spain I floated out way too far, I was unaware and half asleep when I heard a mans voice say "are you alright love".. I opened my eyes and there was two fellas on a pedalo. They towed me back to safety, otherwise I might've ended up in Africa.
8. I'm very good at keeping secrets. I love it when people are gossipping about something and wondering what happened and I know the truth.
9. My first proper job after school was in a bank. I got the sack. Apparently you were not allowed to use the money in the till to supplement your wages.
10. I'm going to add these to my about me page. Just as soon as it stops playing up, I've been trying to change something on it for a few days and it won't scroll in the editor.

And finally, I have to infect pass this on to seven other people.
NB. This is the real reason I did this, to encourage you all to go and check them out. So make sure you do, you have been warned about my temper . . . .

1. Janie Junebug. One of my blogging sisters, one day she will come to the UK and then there will be trouble.
2. Working Dan. A blog with a few recurring themes, including his own Game of Thrones. Go and see if you can knock those epic bloggers from ABFTS off that wall. You might even get your very own character drawn. (I'm still waiting for a cowgirl to ride into town).
3. The Ranting Monkey. Frank has pretty much been with me since I started this blog, for the life of me I don't know why he doesn't have more followers. His topics are varied but he is a great writer and when he's being funny he's hilarious.
4. From the Mind of A Madman. I just found this, because Dan started following me. Funny man.
5. Pajama Days in a Klonopin Haze. Another blogging sister, this blog is usually about her very interesting and amusing life but she also has another about her "other" job. Shea is a real life ghost hunter and it's fascinating stuff.
6. The Japing Ape. Written by a gorilla. I kid you not. Always with a rather twisted take on a current news item, I can't explain this - you just need to go and read it.
7. Superlatively Rude.  I just love Laura. I am trying my best to persuade her to marry Son. I need a daughter in law who appreciates my cooking and is happy to talk about vagina while we eat the endless cakes I will make us. And since amongst the many other things she does Laura is writing a book about her vagina she is definitely the one. If you go and visit her be sure to leave a message saying I sent you, it will help with my campaign.

And you should also go and visit Chuck, who gave me the itchy vagina award at Apocalypse Now. He is very funny and he has a blog named after my favourite film.
You lucky seven can accept this or not. And I don't care if you take up the conditions or not.
But if you do. . . Zovirax can stop the itching.

Or so I'm told.


  1. Congrats on the Award. Loved reading the answers to your posting.

  2. You're so right when it comes to the name of the award being quite irksome, I guess using a different spelling is a little creative but it does look a little stupid. Great answers DCG, I'm the same when it comes to heights, nothing scares me more.

  3. There's a "Bras for Africa" charity you might consider donating to. Something tells me you have a similar figure to a lot of African women. (I mean that as a compliment, sort of).

  4. Well well done on getting the award. I'm not good with talking to strangers so even if you tried to talk to me at a bus stop I doubt I'd do it. I'm also very scared of heights. I didn't even consider that pandas were the epitome of racial harmony. They really are black, white, and Asian rolled in to one.

  5. Oh great! A disease...err... I mean an award! Yippee! I got a pretty good idea of what I'm going to do with this award! I am glad to be worthy of such infection, thank you!

    And no, I haven't forgotten about you. I think I made it clear that I'm lazy!

    Good answers by the way! Any woman who confesses to being a cunt is cool in my book! lol

  6. Oh you bitch. You're just getting back at me for the time I gave you an award. And yes there will be trouble when I'm in London.


  7. I love that drunken sailor on the historical organ anecdote-is that you really you in that picture? I pictured you as much paler for some reason. Now I am curious to see what you really look like!

  8. Congrats on the award and a humble thank you for passing it to me.

    I am curious though, why no white bra? Do you just find them unflattering or is there a shortage of white bras across the pond?

  9. Cowgirl, that was simply brilliant! I am glad you played along...I normally not one for jumping through hoops either when it comes to awards but I had the feeling this time. I am glad I could prod you into redoing your About Me page...when you get it figured out. That was fun wasn't it?

  10. Congrats on a well-deserved award, dcg! Great post. Love the pics. :D

  11. Sixty bras and no white one?! You must have a very colourful wardrobe!

  12. Took me a while to work out how Chuck gave you brain doesn't work well in the heat.
    (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it)

    CONGRATULATIONS! A well deserved award. They should also give out awards for best pictures with hilarious captions. That one about the spider, had me cracking up.

  13. Kreativ is spelled wrong!!??
    Oh, krap, that relly hax me awf.

  14. I am also a recipient of this award. Balloons and cake for the two of us. Another thing we have in common, we're both cunts. It's a wonderful thing to be.

  15. Congratulations! Holy hell do we have A LOT in common. And. To add to your intense dislike of these award type things, I've tagged you in a meme. C'mon over n' play along! - PS. My Mister's name is Chuck, I asked him if he knew you, he said, "yeah, she's my dirty lit'l cowgirl." Lol.. :)

  16. Wow... what a coincidence... I have 60 bras and they are ALL white.... wait!!!
    Not supposed to talk about my panty raid addiction!!
    Anyways thanks for the blog love and I will pick you up at 8:00!!!

  17. in genital, i abhor award posts, but the herpes tagline reeled me in. love the fun facts, and the dogporn pic. now why was i away for so long? this shit's great!


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