Thursday, 5 January 2012

just hot air

If you think you read this before you probably did. 
This is a re-post as the original was linked on another blog and I wanted to break the link.

Why do so many people have such a problem with farts ? Especially if a woman lets rip.

Ok if it stinks it’s not nice, but as long as you own up to it does it really matter. I find it hilarious how embarrassed some people can get over them - my own preference is to announce when one is brewing. At least that way I can gauge the potential reaction of everyone around me, and if it looks like there’s someone whose likely to be deeply offended I can point my arse in their direction move away from them.

Apparently to the Greeks it is a real insult and not at all socially acceptable. I worked with a Greek guy who said that even though he had been with his girlfriend for two years he would never fart in front of her. Of course my question then was what did he do if they were getting busy and he needed to fart - he said he would leave the room.
So your naked, horny and with a long term partner yet you leave the room ? What the fuck ? I asked how he felt if she did a fanny fart, but he just looked VERY embarrassed and left the room.
I guess that answered the question then.

Unfortunately how we came to even have this conversation was because this was one of the kids homes I worked in, and when one of the boys had farted at the dinner table his reaction had been completely over the top.
Big mistake.
Once the little monsters darlings knew he had a problem with farts he was forever damned to be subjected to them. If he was around and one of the boys suddenly ran up and stood by him we all knew what was coming.

The team manager and I then took to waiting until he was outside in the garden having his morning cigarette then join him for our morning farts. And the manager was a big Cornish fella - he could blow a fart that you could use to sail a ship.

Actually I think South Park might’ve been on to something when they made the episode about people spontaneously combusting because they were afraid to fart.
There are a few documented incidents of Spontaneous Combustion, the ones that I’ve read about in England appeared to happen in olden times when people were much more uptight about everything, so I would think even less inclined to fart, and women were laced up tight in corsets so it might’ve been impossible for them.

Lets face it if you have to hold it in it hurts - do that often enough it’s gonna have a derogatory effect sooner or later.
And if you’ve ever seen anyone light a fart you’ll have no doubt there’s potential for explosion.

The first time I ever saw anyone do that I thought it was the funniest thing ever. Well I was about 17, the problem was the boyfriend that did it liked my reaction so much he then proceeded to set light to it EVERY time he farted.

It soon got a bit old.

When I was even younger me and my two best mates taught ourselves how to fanny fart at will.
Our favourite source of amusement was to sit at the back of the bus and do them.

Even though they didn’t smell the looks of disgust we would get from other passengers was hilarious, people would make faces and wave their hands as if it stank - sometimes even moving seats.
That just made us worse.

I laugh about that even more now because none of us really understood what we were doing, we were young and naïve.

Farting has always had comic value - there was famous music hall performer in the 1800’s named Josef Pujol whose act was to fart musically, and the audiences of the day found this very funny. I wonder how those same people would have reacted had it been the person sat next to them, although the music halls were considered risqué at time - they were after all the original home of burlesque.

Did anyone ever fart while doing the Can Can ?

People are odd though, I’ve been sat in the Cinema and someone’s farted (no, it wasn't me) and the reactions varied from laughter to disgust, yet if someone farts in a comedy film everyone finds it funny.

I laugh at my own farts - and I don’t care if that’s as bad as laughing at your own jokes.
I do that too.

Who knows ? Wherever I might be by the time you guys see this post it certainly won't be snowing.

Yup. Fooled you, this was a scheduled post !! I'm still on holiday !! See y'all soon :)X


  1. I have to agree with this post DirtyCowGirl, some people can definitely be wayyy too uppity and get embarrassed over this kind of thing when it's stupid to. Great stuff.

  2. thats funny shit!!
    really, I find lots and lots of humor in farts.
    I was once at a McDonalds, and they had those hard plastic seats, and I said to my friend "friend, I bet a fart would sound really loud if you farted on these seats" and to prove it, I farted. It WAS really loud.

  3. Wherever you are I hope your enjoying your holiday as much as I enjoyed this post!

  4. I never really thought I would see the day farts were looked at in such depth.

  5. Farts are fun, farts are cute, farts are shit without the mess.
    Unless you suffer a catastrophic O-Ring malfunction and you "shart."
    Then, you got a bigger problem than the smell.

  6. They teach girls how to fart like a lady at finishing schools. It's basically a matter of timing and posture.

  7. you should save your farts in wine bottles and seal them up and date them. Then years later come and uncork them to compare and tell smell the vintage. hahah.... farts.. .they are funny. God must have had some humor.

  8. I was going to comment, but I have to leave the room so I can fart.

  9. How does one fanny fart at will? Or do you mean Will?
    It's the ones you don't hear that are not appealing...
    I can't keep a straight face when someone does a noisy fart and tries to ignore it.
    I heard that it's bad for your bowel to hold them in.

  10. Meh...
    I do it all the time. :P

  11. Great post. Too funny. Hope you are off to a great start to the New Year. Well, the sun would help that I am sure.

  12. ah farts.

    i was in the gym the other day and i farted.

    but everyone had headphones in, so i was ok.

  13. I am incapable of holding back a fart. I feel kinda bad when I'm in church and I'm clenching my butt cheeks but the fart still comes out so loud that it drowns out the choir.

    Janie "Lola"

  14. Lol ... rather fart than shart. Nuff said.

    Always refreshing to read a post on "farts."

  15. I am 40 years old and still find farts funny. Totally with you.

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