Wednesday, 11 April 2012

i'll buy that

Sometimes the adverts are the best things on the TV, clever advertising is definitely a skill and one that can make huge money for the mind that creates the concepts as well as the thing it's trying to sell.

But I am getting increasingly fed up with the charity adverts that try to play with the emotions of the viewer. If you've seen any then you know the ones I'm talking about, I especially hate the way the commenter always stresses the use of the word 'you', as if it is my personal responsibility to save every single rescued donkey and starving child in Africa. I actually think the western world has become rather hardened to the images of malnourished children with flies around them, and as terrible as it might be the footage of dying kids no longer has the ability to shock people into action the way it once did.
I'm not saying that it's wrong to ask for donations - just lose the emotional blackmail/ shock tactics.

This is way more effective. Make people think.

I think all that happens when people turn on the TV and see these images now is rather then being spurred into action to give to charity they either turn off of turn over. Yeah you might want "just" two pounds per month of my hard earned, but so does the donkey sanctuary, the local hospice and all the deaf children just waiting for me to put my hand in my pocket to help them get a hearing aid.
And showing the advert every break over two hours in the afternoon does not help. When I'm watching the pond life unfortunates on Jeremy Kyle (don't judge, it makes me feel good about myself), I do NOT need to be made to feel like it's my fault there's no water in the Sudan.

Perhaps I should get a water butt to catch the endless fucking rain we keep having and send it out there.

The other adverts that annoy me are the ones for sanitary towels that seem to think making their product more "beautiful" with the addition of a fancy coloured stripe will make me buy it.
Do women care about how they look ? I don't think so, we're more concerned with it NOT being visible.
It's not like we go around showing our friends as if it's a new hairdo or outfit.
". . does my minge look big in this . .? "

I bet the advertisers wish they'd though of this . . . 

What we want to know about is leakage and absorption functionality, we don't care what it looks like. Used sanitary towels are a bit like penis's - with a few rare exceptions if you've seen one you've pretty much seen them all. Except I've seen a few knobs that made me laugh, whereas I can't recall ever laughing at . . .well. . .you get the idea. Although once or twice I've cried when it looked like the impending monthly visitor wasn't going to put in an appearance.
My blogger friend Lily has written a very funny post about a SIMILAR SUBJECT- go and have a read, I can wait.

. . . or this ?

Great idea ! But you best hope you're not involved in an accident.
(Pic stolen borrowed from Dr Heckle).

A couple of years ago I bought a new sofa, and I spent ages looking online trying to find the right one. I got very fed up with the way every single picture seemed to show either a happy smoochy couple snuggled up or a smiling family with a couple of cute kids. The reality of kids + sofa is sticky patches and nasty stains and lego stuffed down the side.
Not once did I see a picture of a lone ageing woman with a fag in her hand and a laptop.
Welcome to my world.

Of course you can have well intentioned advertising that falls foul of fate.
No doubt the company that sponsored this competition paid a lot of money for their front page under headline banner ad, and well in advance of the day on which it was published so no way of knowing what the front page story was likely to be on that day. They were probably hoping for a doom and gloom story about the economy and the state of the country - the kind of thing that makes people want to get away.
What happened was this :

Yeah, let's enter and hope it's a cruise.

Or how about this :

I'm sure there's a pun in this that relates to Sanitary towels, 
but I'm not gonna let my brain run with it.

It always amuses me when things go wrong like this, it makes me feel better about the calamities that follow me around. I heard a guy singing along to his music player on the train yesterday, it wasn't his voice that amused me, it wasn't actually too bad, but he was singing a song that Son listens to a lot and so I knew he kept getting the words wrong.
Other peoples mistakes are way more entertaining then my own.
Luckily due to his headphones he couldn't hear me laughing. Whenever anyone does that it always reminds me of a friend from years ago who used to sing along to Bob Marleys Exodus. . . "whose that bunch of people".

But what if you got the words right, just the wrong interpretation. . . 

It's easily done, the English language can be very confusing at times. For all I know the same applies to other languages too, it's not like I can speak any. Other then jibberish and total bollocks after one too many. Actually I don't even need a drink to do it, I quite often intend to say one thing and something totally different comes out of my mouth. It's as if my brain and my mouth have had an argument and refuse to work together. The other day I caught a bus to a friends, where she lives is on the outskirts of the town so the bus will stop wherever you ask. I got up and meant to say to the driver "anywhere up here is fine. What I actually said was "anyup's fine", I'm not sure whether he understood me or just wanted to get the obviously mental tired women off the bus but he stopped anyway.
I do it when I'm typing too, I often look at the screen and what I see is not what I intended to write. I guess my fingers are also not in my brains good books, although a friend once told me that can be a sign of a stroke. 
Good job I don't work in advertising.

That explains it then, because I am constantly getting bothered by a cat that wants 
stroking when I am trying to type.


  1. I'm not surprised to see the Belfast Telegraph making a mistake with that cruise liner article and the advertisement above it, it's so typical of us Belfast guys. Great post DCG.

  2. Oh Lord, that picture on the bus in horrible. I know you wrote about so much more...but that's got me completely sidelined. What were they thinking????

  3. It's probably not that good I laughed at the last picture but oh well. I'm not a big fan of advertising, at least not British adverts. There are some that are good, and I find I enjoy, and there are some that are just so God awful they make me glad I never watch TV. The problem though is that even if a TV advert is good, it can be the best thing ever, but over-saturation is going to kill it and make it unwatchable.

  4. Oh DCG, there are so many great points to this post. I agree entirely about the sponsor ads. Over-saturation, breeds a lack of empathy. The guilt trip used in these ads, doesn't help the cause one bit and people are more likely to turn over rather then sit up and take notice.

    As for the sanitary ads...don't get me started on those again! And I think my neighbour is just about ready to club me to death, for laughing so loudly at the mis-sung Alanis Morrisette and Bob Marley lyrics. Priceless!

  5. I wouldn't wear those sanitary slippers in the rain, though.

  6. I've always wanted to purchase that piece of fitness equipment. You know the flexible looking dumbell that you shake like a dong as it vibrates in an out and shakes making you look like you are "waxing on" waxing off" like the karate kid? Maybe they could call it "Jerk it To The Perverts". And when the ladies shake it....It's just damn sexy. C'mon....This may be England, but you know what I'm talking about right? I'll find a link if not.

  7. This post was just so much fun! Thanks for the laughs!

  8. Some women absolutely care to buy beautiful sanitary pads and/or tampons. Tampax Pearl was designed for those women. That led to many problems. The tampon fibers would become lose, and led to uncomfortable issues for thousands of women. Yeah, not pretty.

  9. Purple Hays, LMAO! You have inspired me.... I'm not sure how, but you have given me my I post:D.

  10. Darling Jane, I know this will come as quite a shock to you, but it really is your responsibility to take care of every single donkey in the sanctuary. You can send your money to me, and I'll take care of it for you.


  11. like it. check my blog man I have some nice stuff..

  12. I guess its a dream holiday to the bottom of the ocean!


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