dear dave. . . again

So then. . . .

Dear Dave,

What the fuck are you thinking by agreeing to the building of a new Nuclear power plant here ?

I thought we were supposed to be investing in green energy resources and concerned with the future of the planet ?

Clearly not.

And to add insult to injury we were given this news in the same week that three of our energy companies announced price rises for consumers. Your advice to those who will struggle with this was to shop around providers as there are apparently some better deals out there. Presumably you mean EDF - this being the very same company that are going to be building the new blot on our landscape.

(I'm not entirely sure it's a coincidence that they are one vowel away from being a racist organisation).

And not even a British company at that. Oh no, these fuckers are French.
So no doubt the same company that are responsible for Frances 50+ plants, the majority of which are sat on their North Coast, so if they go Chernobyl the fallouts heading our way. And now they're actually putting one up here.
Fuck right off.

Some twat on the news actually said "nuclear energy is relatively safe".
Relative to what ? Anthrax ? Semtex ? Armageddon ?

Did you learn nothing from Fukushima ? If the world only learnt one lesson from that it should've been that when you have Nuclear plants you don't even need human error or someone to push the proverbial button for a major disaster to happen. And the effects of what happened there are going to have repercussions for the planet for a long time to come. We are still facing the possibility of further meltdowns, it's kept out of our news but the "clean up" operation is only just beginning.
Not that that shits ever going to be truly clean.

And then...
I knew you were an idiot but really ?

Two days ago I saw you on the lunchtime news trying to defend the utter cock up your governments making of the economy, and talking about the budget announcements that were due to be made that evening.
And in relation to the present state of affairs you said....

"When someone's ill you don't take their temperature every day do you?"

What the fuck ? NO, when someone's ill you take it several times a day. It really does worry me that the man supposed to be running this country can't even get an analogy right.

Time you had a lightbulb moment Dave ? No, it's a bit too late for that.

Sort it the fuck out,
DCG.

default setting

Oh dear me Dave, looks like you're at it again.

First up I saw on the news that you are "renewing your vows" with. . . well I don't know his name. . .the lib dem fella with whom you are supposed to be having a political coalition. I guess the fact that I don't know his name says a lot about how high his profile is.

Not exactly sharing the limelight with him are you ?
But the press made it sound like you were entering into a civil partnership. So I gotta wonder about you now. . .
Especially as I also saw an article about a former girlfriend of yours who after giving up drink and drugs is now a nun. That musta been some bad sex you had to make her become an addict then choose a life a celibacy.

But the main reason I feel compelled to write to you yet again is another article that I saw posted on G+. Here you go again, trying to win us over with yet another stupid idea that you no doubt think the British public will approve of.
Apparently you are going to look into getting porn switched off from the UK Internet. This latest stroke of lunacy genius involves blocking all porn sites from our servers as the default setting, we would still be able to opt in but will need to specifically request it. Wonder how that's gonna work with the incognito window.

".....dear ISP I need some light relief, can you bring the lesbians back please..."

Obviously you are not a fan of pornography, otherwise you might've learnt enough about sex to not put that previous girlfriend off it for life, but let me tell you something.
Internet porn is not just watched by perverts and weirdos. Normal, healthy, happy, everyday, curious, rich, poor, young, old, male, female, couples, straight, gay, and every other variation of the human race watch it too.
And trust me when I tell you that if that idea were ever realised you would alienate A LOT of people. It's really not a vote winning plan. Porn is one of those things that some people will never admit to enjoying, but the industry would not be as huge as it is if it were just watched by a small minority, I think you need to consider that.
Actually don't. You might change your mind and decide to find a way to tax us for watching it.

And seriously, do you honestly think you can do that ?
Go against a world-wide million dollar industry and remove the thing that (lets be honest here) is one of the main reasons the Internet got so popular so quickly. Your name is Dave, not Big Brother, and whilst you might be ruining running this country you cannot control the Internet.
Or dictate what we watch on it.

The proposal came about as the result of an enquiry into online child protection, and because the abundance of Internet porn is having a harmful effect on children. Nobody would dispute that. I remember a documentary a while ago about kids watching porn which proved the point so well. The one lad that stuck in my mind had invited a young lady back to his house for some shenanigans, and was telling the presenter that he couldn't understand why she had objected when he tried to put his best friend in her rear end "because that's what they do in porn". And there must be a lot of young people who think that unless you look like a porn star - hairless, big fake tits or a huge cock, you're not going to get any and if you don't bend like a contortionist and keep it up for hours you're doing it wrong.
But what is really needed to stop that is parents to be fully aware of and monitor their children's online activities. Not government intervention, unless they are going to put some money in the pot for education.
Yeah fat chance.
Teenagers are always going to be curious about porn but if you educate them about sex and relationships the right way then they will see it for what it is.  You need to look at the root of the problem - not the symptom.

[I could say plenty more about this, and the fact that paedophiles use the Internet to groom children, but again that's about parenting, and it's nothing that people aren't already aware of. Banning porn will do nothing to stop that, I don't actually think that the Internet has increased child pornography at all. It has always been there, what the Internet did was enable the sick fucks who like it to share with others and build bigger networks. As awful as that is - and as someone who has worked with the victims I understand the effects and impact all too well - what it actually did was make their communications and networks visible. Nothing you do on a computer is ever truly erased, my opinion is that thanks to modern technology more of them have been caught - catch one with a computer and you catch all his contacts too - and that is a good thing].

Ban something and it just becomes all the more attractive.

And anyway Dave do you think that if you were successful it would stop anyone who wanted to from watching porn ?
Yeah right. Because nobody ever saw any before the Internet was invented did they.

I guess you never experienced the trauma of the VHS getting all chewed up in the machine and being unable to eject it before your flatmates came back. Or worried that your Mum had found your smutty magazines when you came home and saw that she had tidied your room for you.


I'm off, I need to download a few files. . .  just in case.


(You can read the article about the Internet HERE. And Daves Ex HERE)
Because I'm not making this shit up.
I don't need to, Dave is the gift that just keeps on giving.
Unless your poor, out of work or homeless.

Or single and horny.

easter bunny

Normal service appears to have returned to England.

Our garages have fuel, the long queues are gone and in keeping with a typical British bank holiday weekend the weather has taken a turn for the worse. Parts of the country that were baking in sunshine last week are now covered in snow, thankfully I live in the South and we never get the worst weather but I am back to wearing Uggs on my feet that have tan lines from last week.
Very bizarre.
Global warming ? Global freezing more like.
Easter weekend is always a wash out though, it's as traditional as the delays that will no doubt plague all our airports, and the hoards of screaming brats happy smiling children that suddenly appear everywhere.
Not that it bothers me, as I have four days off work I plan to sleep. A lot. And hang wallpaper. And catch up on reading some blogs, I have not done that for ages so apologies if you are missing my inane drivel pearls of wisdom left in your comments.
And hopefully someone will buy me a HUGE chocolate egg.
Son has a new job, so hopefully if I post this picture on his facebook he might just take the hint.

I love Green & Blacks. . . does anybody want to send me some ? Please.

I might not be into Christianity but I am more then happy to indulge in any eating associated with it's various festivals. I'll even accept Christmas pudding if anyone's got any leftovers lying around in their cupboards ? That is probably the only thing I missed by spending last years Xmas laying on a beach, I did buy one that I planned to eat when I got back but the greedy wombfruit had scoffed the lot.

I was thinking about the Easter story today, as my friends kid was talking about stuff he had done at school, and there's a fair bit about it that really doesn't make sense to me. I suppose I am what some people might call spiritual, I believe in an afterlife (I've had my share of spooky encounters), reincarnation, karma and destiny, but I don't believe in God. I think that Jesus was an actual man who walked on Earth, but the stories about his life that are in the bible sound to me like he was some kind of Shaman or spiritual healer. And just like any story that gets written on a blog passed down through the generations it's been exaggerated and embellished.

I don't think he was the son of "God".

I think that all came about because people always want a rational explanation for anything they don't understand.

According to the story God sent his only son to earth in order to sacrifice him.

Hmmm.

I'm a parent and if anyone tried to harm my son I would tear their fucking head off. And I'm just an ordinary (well ok maybe I'm a bit strange) woman, but if I was some amazing all-seeing omnipotent mistress of the universe and someone tried to hurt him ?

Yeah I think there'd be thunderbolts and lightening alright.

But no, apparently he allowed his only child to be sacrificed. Did they not have Social Services in those days ? If you said you were going to sacrifice your kid today they'd be taken into care.

Hardly the actions of a kindly benevolent normal parent.

Religious men advocating child abuse ?

I thought he was supposed to be Jewish not Catholic.

But anyway, apparently after this happened the crucified Jesus was put in a cave and a few days later he rose from the dead.

Since Christians aren't supposed to believe in reincarnation that can only mean one thing.

Jesus was a Zombie.

And it seems that I am not the only one to think so. This thought occurred to me earlier and when I googled "zombie Jesus" looking for pictures (try it, you'll see) for this post there is just loads of stuff about it on the net. And if it's on the Internet that must mean loads of people are brainwashed idiots believe it and if loads of people believe something then it must be true.

Isn't that how religions are started.

And political parties.

Dave's at it again too. His latest idea is all about allowing - well I'm not entirely sure who, but the police for one I guess - powers to read everyone's Internet communications. This is supposed to be about our national security and catching paedophiles, but then in today's world climate terrorism and child molesters are two issues that are guaranteed to get everyone riled up. So tell the public that's why you're doing it and they'll all agree it's a good idea.

Yeah, I'm not buying it.

Big Brother is watching you.

And Dave just wants to be able to hack into my msn and look at the pictures, and he's probably wondering if Obama and his new mate Sarkozy are talking behind his back.

Personally I think that the Internet has meant that a lot more perverts are caught then ever were before, they have always been there, but before the web and the way that enabled them to communicate and share filth it was all far harder to detect. In my opinion technology has made them easier to catch, find one with a computer and you find all his contacts too. How many times now do we hear of people being convicted based upon evidence that was found on their computers. And I'm damn sure MI5 have the same powers when it comes to finding terrorists.

So whatever Dave might say this new idea is really not going to make much difference there.

Is he planning to spend his days reading everyones emails now ?

Maybe he's going to be inspecting blogs as well. Good. He might finally find the letters I wrote to him and see sense.

Mind you, I will probably be far too busy and exhausted to help him run the country once my latest ebay find arrives. . . 

Nobody told me you could get Diesel powered injectors for your Vag.

Bit concerned about the shape of the thing but gotta be worth a try, even if the compatibility information isn't available. I'll let you know.

Rabbit ? This is my Easter Bunny.

I'm off to the garage, I need to stock up on Diesel just in case there's another shortage.

Happy Easter !

Watch out for the Zombies.

panic in detroit

England is in the grip of petrol fever.

Apparently someone somewhere threatened to go on strike about something and that meant there was a chance that just maybe-possibly-potentially there might be a slight petrol shortage sometime in the not too distant future IF it happened. Although the people who had said they MIGHT go on strike had not given any idea of a date when that MIGHT be, and there were still some "talks" happening that would most likely resolve whatever the issue was.
Or to put it another way a Union decided to try and hold the government to ransom. I'm not entirely sure what it is they're after, it may well be quite justified, but ever since the days of the wicked witch Maggie Thatcher the Unions are no longer as powerful as they used to be.

But then someone must of told Dave (and we all know he's not the brightest star in the sky, especially as he has still not answered my letters so clearly still not seeing sense), and Dave decided to tell the British public via our everso reliable, totally honest and not-at-all-likely-to-whip-the-public-into-a-frenzied-panic-media that it might be a sensible idea if everyone kept their tanks topped up, or kept a spare can of petrol JUST IN CASE. 

And anyway we were told the army were on stand-by, and they would get the petrol to where it needed to be but the main thing was for everyone to NOT PANIC BUY.

Hmmm. . . 

Do I need to caption this ? Nah, already done for me.

Smart move.

Because for one thing England has had a week of freakishly hot weather for this time of year - so that sends us all a bit loopy anyway. A friend of mine was riding her bike along our seafront on Wednesday and she saw people swimming in the sea, and our sea here is fucking freezing even in the middle of summer. So yeah, people go a bit mental when they see the sun.

And also because if there's one thing we're good at it's panic buying.
Anyfuckingthing.
And we don't seem to need much of a reason, an impending bank holiday will do it never mind an actual shortage. Nowadays all of the big supermarkets are open every day of the year, but go into one the day before a bank holiday and you will see people buying up enough food to see them through your average nuclear holocaust.

I don't think we ever got over the rationing during the war.
Or the power cuts and strikes that happened when I was a kid.
Certainly my parents generation never did and I guess some of them have passed that on to their children too, my Mum only had to hear the word strike and she'd be off to Tesco to buy 10 loaves of bread, 20 pints of milk and as much meat as she could fit in her freezer.
Even though there was only two people in her house, she rarely ate sandwiches, her husband drank black coffee and the strike was in a carpet factory at the other end of the country.

But anyway, thanks to Dave and his bunch of tossers government giving out the warning we now have queues at petrol stations from 6am every day and some are actually closed because they have run out completely.
In trying to beat the potential shortage that maybe-possibly-potentially could have happened the drivers of this country have actually made the thing they were trying to get prepared for happen.
Idiots.

A typical British day out in the sunshine.

And then this evening they announced that the proposed strike has been averted . . . for now. But there is something that only two people knew about until I wrote this and now you, dear sheep, are being let in on the secret.
All this is actually my fault.
And not because I have failed in my attempt at world domination valiant mission to get Dave to listen to me.

Oh no.
This is yet another example of the notorious Cowgirl jinx.

As you may remember I am not allowed for public safety reasons don't drive. Consequently I have no need to buy petrol. Ever.
But, I have a rather nasty persistent overgrown weed (not that kind of weed, yeah I fucking wish) growing in my garden. Every year I hack it down and spray it and every year the fucking awful thing comes back. I told a mate about it, as I was thinking I would have to pay some specialised service to come and get rid of it for me. He said that if I drill into the roots and pour some diesel in it's bound to kill it once and for all. I know it's not really allowed, bad for the environment blah blah blah, but it's not like I'm building a nuclear reactor in the shed (I'm not fucking french) and a can of diesel is about a fiver, compared to what it would cost to get someone in ? Yeah, I'm gonna try Steve's suggestion first.
My mate at work found a petrol can for me on Friday and said that she would get some for me during the week when she filled up her car so that I could do the garden this weekend while the weather is still nice.

She gave up every time she went because of the size of the queues.

And now not only are there the mile long queues at the garages that have still got fuel, they have now said that they are not letting anyone fill up spare petrol cans.

See ?
All my fault.
I really should run for Prime Minister, it seems I can fuck up the country just as much as Dave.

And all I need to do it is an empty one of these.

dear dave. . . again

Dear Dave,

After the last time I wrote to you I was really hoping you would consult me about any future decisions regarding this country you are driving into the ground supposed to be running.

I guess you didn't learn eh ?
What will it take for you to realise that I am always fucking right.

I don't watch the news very often and I refuse to buy the papers as I have no use for propaganda and celebrity gossip, so I haven't been keeping an eye on you.
But today I happened to read one that someone left on the train and what do I see.

Apparently you are colluding with the fucking French.
And you know how I feel about them.
If you don't then maybe you should read this.
Some plan to jointly build a pilotless aircraft with them ? WHAT IS UP WITH THAT ???
Even I, with my limited knowledge of politics know enough about their history to know that they cannot be trusted when it comes to anything to do with war.
How very ironic that the country whose attitude is usually "nothing to do with us...." whenever the rest of the world decides to get involved in a conflict in some godforsaken corner of the globe wants to build the latest in warfare technology with us.

If it's a success they will take all the credit (and no doubt cream off the profits ) and if not we will get all the blame.

And as if that isn't bad enough apparently you have struck some deal with them over nuclear power.
Doing what exactly ?
What the fucking fuck.
The sweetener for us, the British public, is that this deal will mean jobs.
Please tell me you haven't agreed to process all the nuclear waste from the country that has more nuclear power plants then any other ?

Seeing as I'm taking the time and trouble to write to you let me have a brief word about Syria. I understand that you are having meetings about the situation there. Whilst I'm sure the Syrians who are opposed to what is happening in their country appreciate the efforts of anyone who tries to help, I watched a news update the other day where a reporter was showing your picture to the people and none of them even knew who you were.
So what makes you think they are going to listen to you ?

And how can you possibly hope to resolve the situation when there are not representatives from all the different factions involved in the conflict present ?

We all know you're not likely to actually call for a military intervention, there isn't any oil in Syria.
Although I'm sure if you asked your new mates the French they might suggest you hurry up with the new plane so you can bomb the fuck out of the place, just to check it works.
It's not like they're going to let you test it anywhere they have a vested interest in after all.

And before you start telling the rest of the world how to run it's affairs perhaps you need to try and sort out the mess you're making of this country.

I'd like to thank you for listening, but I bet you don't.

dear dave

Dear fuckwit that's supposed to be running this country David Cameron,

I really didn't want to have to say I told you so. . . .
But I fucking TOLD YOU SO.


THIS is what happens when you force young people to live in sink estates.

THIS is what happens when people have to live in near poverty.

THIS is what happens when you don't invest in schools and education.

THIS is what happens when young people have no decent affordable leisure activities

THIS is what happens when you cut back on youth services and advice/ guidance centres.

THIS is what happens when young people have no aspirations.

THIS is what happens when young people have no jobs.

THIS is what happens when young people have no future.

THIS is what happens when teenagers have babies and kids are raised by kids.

The events of the last few days have left most of Britain in a state of shock.
The initial protest occurred after a young man was shot and killed by police, given that our police are not normally armed this person must've done something to cause alarm. It is known that he had a gun, and I guess he must've either used it to commit a crime - there is speculation that he was a drug dealer, or at the very least brandished it in some way.
Until we have the results of the enquiry into that I'm not really willing to say much, - except that it is a sad reflection of the way our society is going when young people are walking around carrying guns.

And what happened to him is probably the best example of a reason why not to have one.
You have a gun, your mate has a gun, your rival has a gun, your enemy has a gun. So his friends, rivals and enemies will get a gun too.
Sooner or later everyone will want to gun to defend themselves from the criminals with guns.
The police will fight fire with fire.
Someone is going to get shot.

The mob mentality of the events that followed has very little to do with that young man's death and everything to do with the dis-affected youth of this country. The few I have seen interviewed on the TV and asked why they were causing mayhem had no real answer to give. Only one mentioned the lad that was killed. And in most of the footage I've seen they looked like they were enjoying themselves.
I know that's bad.
But how shit, sad and boring does your life have to be if that's the most exciting that happens. And what does that say about the way you were raised and your intelligence and state of mind.

Our police were stretched to the limit trying to deal with what happened, and I have heard talk on news bulletins about ending the cuts to police budgets.

But Dave, maybe you should stop cutting back on investments in young peoples services, education, training programmes, grants that help with cost of further education and instead make some serious investments in our children and their futures.
Because if you did that then they might just grow up to be decent human beings with jobs and money in their pockets and no desire to cause civil unrest.

And then you wouldn't need to be worrying about policing street riots and looting.

You know I'm right.
I always am.

Yours sincerely.
Cowgirl.