countdown

A few things have pissed me off already this week, and it's only Wednesday.
First up was some stupid idea I heard being talked about on the news to offer all pregnant women the option of a C section, even when there are no expected problems. Why ? Who in their right mind is going to choose a potentially dangerous (as are all ops) procedure with a six week recovery period, over a natural process that most women recover from pretty quickly.
Lazy cows who think they are too posh to push and scared young girls who shouldn't be having a baby anyway, that's who.

Then there was the stupid fuckwit on the train who in the course of a twenty minute journey rang four people to tell them about his sick dog and the discharge it was producing. (Nice, bet a few people on that train didn't want their dinner when they got home). He also kept saying that the dog needed to be 'spayded' - I really don't know how I stopped myself from shouting IT'S SPAYED YOU FUCKING MORON - and that he was now thinking about getting rid of the dog.
Obviously he had it just for breeding too.
Yeah not even gonna go there with how I feel about people who do that.
Pets are pets not money / baby making machines.

I am also pissed off at a new TV series I started watching which is not doing anything for the image of young black people who live in inner city estates.
Anyone wanting to have a few stereotypes reaffirmed should watch Top Boy. It may well be an accurate representation of life for some in a sink estate. . . but I bet a lot of people watching it are thinking that's EXACTLY how ALL young black men live their lives.

However I am feeling pretty buzzed up too, as it's now just five weeks until I'm heading off for a month in the sun and I feel like the countdown has begun. I'm not gonna let the annoyances get to me.
There's been a few things that have amused me too.

Sometimes in the morning a young blind man and his guide dog get the train, he's sat by me a couple of times and we've had a chat. His dog is still a puppy really, and he's not had him long so is still teaching him. Today he sat further down the train and I could hear someone asking him questions, this person clearly didn't know much about guide dogs and he asked the guy. . .
"How do they know where to go, do they learn the addresses of places ?"
And the reply,
"He's a dog, not a four legged furry Sat Nav".

I laughed out loud at that.

Watching a quiz show on TV with the four year old granddaughter at work, someone answered "USA"
"What's the USA Cowgirl ?"
"It means America, it's proper name is the United States of America"
"Don't be silly, you can't eat it, it's a country not a steak".

I've also got a couple of Facebook moron classics to share.
There is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start. . .

Do male cows get milked ?
Well yes they do, but not for anything you'd want to drink.

The male has more downstairs ?
What ? Like a coffee table and a corner unit.

Don't know about bulls - but I can see plenty of bullshit.

And Thick Bird, she whose lack of intelligence has featured here a few times before has been at it again, having yet another dig at her children's father.
And once again I couldn't resist having a dig at her.

I love the fact that she doesn't even realise I'm having a dig back, I was actually about to type another comment under this.
"My door is stuck, do you think Steve could come round and loosen it for me ?"

But he beat me to it, and I reckoned he deserved to get the last word when I saw this. . .

What a winner.

I also saw this on FB today.
I know that advertisers are supposed to tell the truth, but isn't this taking it a bit too far. . .
Even though I agree.

He certainly is.

I'm off to look for bikinis on ebay. I'm hoping to find one that makes me appear three sizes smaller and ten years younger.

moronbook

There is this person on my facebook friends list who pretty much sums up the reasons why a lot of people are getting increasingly bored with it - that is the people who think we care about / feel the need to share every dull boring moment of their mundane life with the internet.

She's on my list because of her being a friend of a friend, which means that I have been forced to suffer had the pleasure of her company on a few nights out for birthdays etc, and since photos were taken and 'tagging' required she added me.

I keep her there because she never fails to remind me that my life is not as boring as I might think it is at times. 

And because she makes me feel intelligent.

Last week I checked my fb early Weds morning and saw this,

And they're going to be even later now that you felt the need to stop and tell facebook about it.
Why ?
In this situation most people would be thinking I need to phone the school not I need to update my status.
And why do you have to get a taxi anyway ? The schools not far from her house. Most people walk their kids to school, she's always moaning about having no money too. . . wonder why.

I saved that because I have started a post about bad parenting, but when I got to work I checked again and she had posted twice since. One about doing her housework (yawn) and the next one . . . .

And so as much as she fucking bores me she has become the topic of an entire post.
I don't blame you if you want to stop reading now.
But then why do I have to suffer alone. . . everyone who has a facebook account probably knows at least one person just like this moron.

His name is Jeremy you twat.

Seems I'm not the only one who thinks she's stupid. And she doesn't even realise when people are taking the piss, when I got home later I looked again and she had replied to me "lol I know".

And soon after she had posted this, yet another do we need to know moment.

Is her bath German ?

This was followed by three posts telling us that she was "going to get the kids from school" (another taxi), that the kids were "watching tv" and that she was "having a lovely cuppa and custard creams".

How the fuck does she cope with that much excitement in one afternoon. 

Then this. . . 

Followed by a post about the "yummy pizza and chips". . . . that's some healthy lifestyle example she's setting her kids. I suppose the tomato sauce counts as one of your five a day and the walk from the school gates to the cab is exercise.

She never replied.

Now I know I shouldn't mock someone's grief, she lost her Nan, over a year ago mind you, but she is forever posting these 'memorial' things to her. And she ALWAYS makes this same spelling mistake. I have wanted to make this comment so many times, and resisted, but because I was saving these for this post I decided that this was the day it had to be done.

Again no reply.

Then an hour later. . . . 

Probably trying to work out what obtuse means.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING US ??

Seriously, who cares.

This fuckwit is forever having arguments with the father of two of her children (she has four) and posts all about it, but then when people comment saying stuff she doesn't agree with she tells them it's "none of their business".
Then complains about people sticking their noses in. Also via fb status.
Yet she doesn't seem to grasp the fact that if you put your business out there OF COURSE people are going to know about it, because the other thing she is always moaning about is how everyone seems to know all her business.
I kid you not.
Fucking hypocrite.
I would delete her but I find it entertaining in a warped way, a bit like watching a car crash.

And before some smartass sheep decides to point this out to me I do know that writing this post makes me something of a hypocrite since I am forcing you lot to view it with me.
But I did say you should stop reading up there ^.

I often find that when I see or hear something that provokes me thinking or if something occurs in my life, I think "I'll blog about that". But while it might not be everyone's idea of interesting I only really do that if I feel there is a 'story' to be had from it. Or an essay.
But I wonder about the mentality of these idiots who seem to think that the world at large care what they had for dinner or watched on the telly, and feel the need to update their status every time they move off the sofa or change the channel. They seem to run with the idea that Facebook 'lets you share with your friends' and take it way too far, heaven help us if they decided to take up blogging too. Endless posts about how good Eastenders was last night and the queue in the post office.
(I honestly think I'd prefer to read a fashion blog).
Actually since most of them struggle to put a coherent sentence together that's not very likely.

As my Mum used to say "If you have nothing interesting to say then say nothing".
I prefer "Shut the fuck up".

This wasn't a very interesting post so I'll practise what I preach and shut the fuck up too.

phone a friend

Hey people ! I have been given a new alter ego by my blogger pal Powdered Toast Man.
I am. . . Ivonna Bangkok.
And he invited my new persona to guest over on his blog Just The Cheese. Hop on over and have a read. . . it's way more interesting then the drivel you're gonna read if you stay here today.

But if you still want to then here goes. . . .

I'm not a stupid person when it comes to intelligence, but I have a tendency to do dippy stupid things and sometimes not see the obvious until it's stared me in the face for a hour then given up and left. I often have days that are a catalogue of one disaster after another, usually quite trivial things on their own but when 447 all happen in the same day I have to wonder if it's just me.

I had this little issue last night, and when I told a mate about it the response was 'only you' and 'why am I not surprised', so I thought I'd tell my flock about it.

Just so you know what you're dealing with.

I may have mentioned once or twice that I am utter crap at getting up in the mornings nocturnal. This is fine with my job, sometimes I'm a bit late but then sometimes I stay a bit later, but there have been a couple of days when I have failed to wake up until the afternoon. My boss (who is a friend) has just laughed about it (dream job huh ?) but that doesn't mean that I don't feel bad. I do.

I need one of these to get me up.

In that respect it would be easier if I didn't work for a friend, because then I wouldn't feel like I'd let her down.
Except if I didn't I would've been fired.
Months ago.

As of this week there has been a change in her circumstances which mean that it's going to be really helpful to her if I can get in much earlier a couple of days a week. She hasn't asked but I offered as it feels like a great way to make up for all the times I've not turned up until 3pm been a little late.

Today was the first day, so I asked her to call me and wake me but to use my landline not the mobile, I use that as my alarm anyway so I know sometimes it doesn't work.
I hear it in my sleep and tell myself to ignore it, I actually remember doing that. Often.
I never use the landline - if it wasn't needed for broadband I would get rid, but with this in mind I had it in my head that I needed to call it and check it worked as Son was home last week and I could sort of recall him saying it didn't.
I forgot all about this until I was going to bed, later then I wanted to - fucking internet sucked me in again, and by this time I was knackered. So I call it from my mobile and it doesn't ring.
It's cordless but when I looked at the cradle the phone wasn't in it although the charger was plugged in, so I figure it must be the phone that rings and it's battery must be dead.

Half an hour of searching the house and I found it . . . on the pile of DVDs next to the charger.
Minus one battery.
It has special rechargeable ones so I spend another half an hour digging through all the little places it could be - even got the torch out and looked under the sofa.

Then it occurs to me that ordinary batteries might work so off I go to find some. No luck, until I remember where I do have some.
Ah well . . . there goes the bedtime treat.
I put said batteries in phone, put it on the charger and the little red light blinks. Result . . .
. . . and ring it. Still not working.
MOTHERFUCKER.

Then I wondered if I was ringing the wrong number. My sisters old number was very similar and I was forever getting them mixed up, especially as I never call my number. Except I don't have it stored on my phone and by now it's midnight and far too late to call anyone else. But I need to get the right number and text my boss so she can call me in the morning.
It's now so late and I'm so tired I KNOW I won't wake up without her doing so.

I texted Son. . . wait 15 mins. . . no reply. Knowing that he probably has his laptop on but as he lives in a shared flat has likely got his headphones in I fire up the laptop and facebook him.
Wait 15 mins. . . no reply.
The only other place I can think of to check it is the website of the phone/internet provider. I try to get on there and realise I forgot the fucking password and username.
So I have to go through the entire verification process which takes another half an hour because their stupid fucking site was running slow.
"Please be patient we are dealing with your request".
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IT'S ONE IN THE MORNING YOU PRICKS. . .
Eventually I get onto the site only to find out that the number I have been calling is the right one.
Fuck.

There is only one thing for it, I will have to stay up all night.
Sometimes I do this anyway. . . anyone who I chat to in the forums knows that, but last night I was exhausted. And when an insomniac does eventually sleep it's more like a coma.
Somewhere in my bedroom is a bottle of slimming tablets so I figure I'll dig them out and take a couple. At least when I get home from work the next day my house will be very very clean even if I'm too knackered to enjoy it.

And if get bored I can always return the batteries to the appliance I got them from.

So I decided - two hours after I was originally going to bed - that I may as well have a soak in the bath instead of a shower being as I've now got six hours to kill.
Whilst I'm laying there I was thinking about what Son had said about the phone, you know that feeling when something is nagging at your brain ?

Then I got it.
He said "It's not plugged in". I had taken that to mean the plug for the charger which was the first thing I had checked.
He meant the actual phone socket.

Duh.

This fucker.

Only I wouldn't even think to check the one thing most people would check first.
I plug it in and ring it and it works.
Great !!!
Except when I took the handset upstairs to get some sleep (at 2.30am ffs) and looked at it I realised that it actually has a built in alarm function that works independently of it being plugged in as long as it has battery charge.

Did I feel stupid.
Yeah. And very very tired.
But at least not as stupid as this person.

As you can see I left a suitable comment.

Last night I tried my own patients too.

Update: I made it to work an hour and a half earlier then usual as planned.
That is the time I'm supposed to get there usually, not the time I usually get there,

culling time

Week two of work done.

I think I’m getting in the stride of this now.

I’ve been neglecting the internet although I've not missed it.

I’ve hardly looked at Facebook for the last two weeks, in fact there’s been a couple of evenings I logged in and couldn’t be bothered.

Funny how quickly you can get bored of something.

And how totally addicted some people are.

I find it odd that I’ve had inbox messages on FB asking if I’m OK. My real friends know where and how I am. Surely if a person isn’t online that means they are busy in the real world, getting on with life and therefore more then fine.

Whereas logically if they were forever on in the daytime that would mean they were stuck at home and more likely to be unwell.

Whilst I admit Facebook does keep me in touch with some people that I would otherwise have no contact with, I think for a lot of people it’s become more real then the world outside their front doors. Do they prefer chatting via msn to actual conversation. Is staying in on the computer the new going out ?
Not in my world.

I think a friend cull is in order.

Funny how spending time away from something enables you to see it through different eyes.

Who the fuck are these boring cunts who think it’s interesting to post hourly updates of their fucking boring every day activities.

And why the fuck are they on my list.

Do I care that you’re hungry/ tired/have a cold/ got wind/ had a cheese sandwich/ sat on the bus ?
Nope.

Fuck off and get a life, take some pictures (and not of your kid dribbling or your dog in the park) and I might be bothered to look.

It's full of idiots and stupid people and they annoy the crap out of me.
I have just seen a perfect example of this :

Thick Bird’s Status : “you think you’re clever posting status about me and hiding behind facebook - you know who you are and if you’ve got something to say about me say it to my face”

Me : “can you not see the hypocrisy in writing that here Thick Bird”

Thick Bird : “Eh ?”

Thick Bird : “I’m pissed of with XXXX she keeps writing stuff about me on here”

Me : “Exactly”

Thick Bird : “What do you mean Cowgirl, and why haven't you been on here lately”

I’ve logged out.
I can’t even be bothered to fuck with her head.
She’s on the cull list.