Showing posts with label cats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cats. Show all posts

Saturday, 17 March 2012

trouble



I've had a few people say they are having problems with my blog.
So am I, some of the links - previous post and the comment form etc seem to be broken. However I think the comment form will work as long as you using the URL for the post and not the home page. As far as I can tell it is something to do with Blogger changing the URLs of blogs so they are geographically correct, I hope so. 
Because the other possibility is that I have finally managed to change my template so much that I have royally fucked it up. Anyway I'm going to wait a few days to see if it rights itself and if not then I guess I'll have to start again with the design.
Meanwhile if you do experience problems would you please let me know, either here or via Twitter or G+, there are links to my profiles on both in the sidebar.



In other more important news major panic descended on my house this morning.
On Thursday I posted an application form to be a host family for foreign language students, I have a spare room sat there sad and empty that could be occupied by a sexy young man earning me few quid, and a friend who already does this suggested the idea.
At the moment I'm in the middle of a few DIY projects, and that includes a few little jobs in said spare room.
Not least of all removing all the useful items crap I've stored in there.
But, I figured it'll take a while to get a student and I have a day off next Friday as I have to go somewhere in the morning, so I thought I could do it then as that's effectively a three day week-end. I also need a few things for the room - you have to provide bedding etc, but I'm watching some on ebay.

This morning I get an email "Hi Cowgirl, thanks very much for your application. At the moment we have students waiting for accommodation, so can we come and see the room Monday evening as we can provide you with a tenant straight away".

Fuck.
So much for the relaxing week-end I had planned.
I've spent the day doing that thing where you try and do ten jobs at once and just end up confused and knackered.
And tomorrow instead of sleeping until 3 a little lie in I have to go shopping for bedding, towels and a lamp. And I fucking hate shopping. They better send me a buff young man after all that.
And breathe.

Son has been getting in the way helping, well taking orders. But in the course of sorting the room out I was putting rubbish in a carrier bag, and we then decided to go downstairs for a coffee and fag break. When I went back up to the room I found this . . .

That is not what I call helping.

The students also have to have an evening meal provided.
Well you can just rent the room, but you don't get as much money, and I figured we have dinner every night anyway so I may as well. However the reality of this is just beginning to dawn on me.
I do like cooking, I love having people round for dinner and when I'm in the mood there are certain things I can manage to not incinerate do quite well.
When I first thought about doing this I suppose I imagined it would be like having a friend for dinner every night. Yeah. Right. The reality of that is I'd soon get fed up.
And while I say I can cook, I have six recipe books.
Five of which are about cooking with chocolate.
I hope the student likes pudding and cake.
And isn't on a diet.


Speaking of which I am very happy to report that I have now managed to lose 10lb.
And that is without going on a proper diet, I have just been walking to work from the train station a few times a week and not stuffing my face with chips and six chocolate bars every night trying to eat healthier. I don't plan to be turning this into a weight loss blog. Boring. But if I get to where I plan to, that is a couple of stone less, I might post a before and after picture. Just as an incentive for myself to stay that way, and maybe then I can post a non-photoshopped below the neck realistic picture on the dating site too.


I will leave you with a couple of pictures that were sent to me.
A friend of mine took the first one, she actually saw this in Tesco.


No amount of clubcard points could make me want to buy that.

And I really cannot believe that whoever wrote this outside a pub did not realise exactly how it could be interpreted.


I'm off, I have two tons of crap to put out with the rubbish before the cat gets his paws on them.
This really wasn't a post was it ? I just wanted to let you all know about the blog problems really, but I can never just get to the point.

But in case you came here hoping to read something interesting or funny I'm gonna do you a favour and suggest you go and read this. Funniest post I've seen in ages.

I hope your week end is more fun then mine is turning out to be.

ps Any HTML experts out there fancy designing me an all-singing all-dancing shiny new template ?

Update : Fed up with people saying they can't comment. I LOVE the comments so changed back to the old template and the links appear to work for me. I guess it was me caused the problem.
Who woulda thought ??
Note to self : Knowing how to read some code does not make you a programmer.  
Could a few of you please test them for me ? 





Thursday, 23 February 2012

the cats whiskers



I am what some people call a "cat person".
One day I will be the crazy old bird who lives with thirty and is found dead having been consumed by her own pussy.

Having recently read a couple of pet related posts I thought I'd write one myself.

It's not that I don't like dogs, I would love to have a Jack Russell, but it's not fair to leave a dog alone all day.
I grew to love Jacks because my sister used to have one, she was a grumpy old thing (the dog not the sister) with a worse case of the mentalpause then me but such a character.
Should that be mentalpaws ?
When son was little we sometimes had her for the week-end, and she very quickly learnt the things he did that always caused me to shout at him. The end result being that as soon as she heard him kick his shoes down the stairs she would run out and bark at him before I had a chance to shout.
I learnt to watch the TV for any adverts that had the sound of a doorbell. Because if she heard one I would have to get up and pretend to open the front door to get her to stop barking.

My sister used to make matching hats for her boyfriend and the dog.
(I know what you're thinking, and yeah madness runs in the family).
One day I got chatting to a little old lady at a bus stop who had a Jack Russell and she told me that she had seen the funniest thing while walking her dog on the common. A man and a dog wearing the same hats.
I didn't tell her.

My Dad also has a Jack. Sometimes she wears my glasses.

Meet Daisy, I think she thinks it makes her look intelligent.

A cat doesn't care if you're out all day, in fact a cat prefers it when you are because then it doesn't have to share the bed / sofa / heating with you.
It only needs you to be there to feed it - in fact mine seem to be under the illusion that I only come home because they're hungry since as soon I get in the door I am expected to fill the food dish before I have taken my coat off.

Even if Son came home half an hour before and fed them.

Maybe I should show them this. As a threat.

I think those people who assume that their predisposition to perform tricks means that dogs are cleverer then cats are wrong.
I think it means they are smarter.


And don't feel the need to please or impress anyone, as the world revolves around them since they are the superior species.
Most cats think they are in fact the cats whiskers.
I have known cats that will fetch a favourite toy, and had cats that worked out how to open a door or window, and not just those that involve a push. The cat we had when I was a kid would stand on the bottom bolt of our back door and hook one paw through the handle whilst banging on the catch with the other one, at the same time he would kind of push his weight against the door until it opened.

For weeks my Mum was moaning at me and my sister for leaving the door open.
Until the day she heard it being banged and saw what the cat was doing.

When you want to teach your dog a trick it thinks "I best learn this because it makes my master happy", when a cat wants to learn something (and a cat learns a trick because it wants to - not because you want it to) it thinks "What's in it for me".
And if the answers nothing then forget it.
Who needs a cat treat when you can catch a mouse.
In fact often it's the cat that thinks the human needs a treat. You learnt to feed me so here, have a dead bird, you deserve it.


Of course just because your cat doesn't need you doesn't mean it's not going to make you pay if it feels you have let it down.
I used to have a little silver tortoise shell, her routine was to come on my bed in the morning while I was drinking my coffee for a fuss. Whether I wanted to fuss her or not.
Then I got a job that meant I was away a week at a time.
Eventually I had to put a lock on my bedroom door because her way of pissing me off showing her displeasure at me for going away was to leave a turd curled up in the middle of my bed.
The night before I came home.
Once I left that job all was fine and I no longer needed to lock the door, but when I went on holiday I came home to find a runny turd IN MY HANDBAG !!
It went straight in the bin - contents too. There might've been money in that bag but I wasn't going to look.


A couple of years ago, by which time I had another three male cats, it became very obvious that she was not happy. She hardly ate and started to look very ragged - even though the vet could find nothing wrong with her - so a friend said she would take her. Within a week she was looking happy and healthy again, obviously she wanted to be the only cat.
About a month later the same friend told me she had gone away for a week-end and came home to find a "present" on her bed.
I laughed and told her to check her bags.
Maybe I should've warned her. . .


I'm not one of those people who thinks her pets are children, but I do love them. I mentioned a few posts ago that we have recently lost one.
His name was Nelson.
Because he was a black cat Son had wanted to name him after a famous black person and I didn't want a cat called Tupac.

A few days ago Son informed me that he thought we should get another cat, as he had a dream and Nelson (he was very devoted to Son) had told him it was fine.
I said I would, but not just yet, and that when I did it would be a female.
"Ok, but we are going to call it Naomi"
"Why ?"
"Because that is Nelson Mandelas daughters name"
"Is it, how do you know that ?"
"Naomi Campbell, she's his daughter"

I'm sure I don't know where he gets his brains from.

My second favourite tshirt. 
My favourite one says "I'd like to fuck your brains out but you don't have any". A statement that is only backed up by the amount of men who read the first bit and get sleazy without bothering to read the rest.

When Son was about seven I adopted a black and white cat from a friend of a friend as it's owners were living in a third floor flat. What they failed to mention was that this cat was not neutered. The huge furry bollocks it possessed were a source of fascination to Son, who would lift up the cats tail and show his friends.
"Look, my cat has huge nuts ".
However the huge furry bollocks also meant that the cat was spraying in the house and so they had to come off.
I explained about this to Son, as he was certainly going to notice when they weren't there anymore, that the cat was going to have an operation to remove them.

The dogs bollocks ? Nah cat's are bigger.

A few weeks later Son went for a check up on his eye, he had been born with a slight squint and the treatment was to wear an eye patch for a couple of hours a day on the good eye to strengthen the other one. It was checked every month, the plan being that when there was no further improvement for three months he would have an operation to correct it.
As it turned out this appointment was the one where he reached that stage, and so after the usual eye tests we had to go and speak to the surgeon.

So there we are sat in this very posh mans office and he says,
"So young man I think it's time we brought you in for a little operation"
At which Son jumps up, grabs his crotch and says,
"You're not cutting my nuts off".

I had to explain about the cats operation.

If you really wanted to see a post about my actual cats then here's one I made earlier.




Wednesday, 28 September 2011

trespassers should be shot



Today I left work just after 5pm and got home just before seven.
TWO FUCKING HOURS
For a journey that involves a five minute lift from work to the train station, 15/ 20 mins train journey then a ten minute walk to my house.
Why ?

Because, apparently, there were "trespassers on the line".
Of course the train didn't stop at an actual station, where I could've gotten off and got a bus. Oh no.
It stopped just before the fucking station so I, and all the other passengers, were trapped.
Held hostage on a train by what was no doubt a couple of kids thinking it was entertaining to get on the tracks.


People who mean to kill themselves tend to wait until the train is approaching then jump out at the last minute. They don't go for an afternoon stroll and a picnic down the track.
Yup, had to be kids.
Personally I wouldn't of stopped the trains.
The fucktards would no doubt get off the line pretty damn quick when they see a fucking great train heading towards them.


You can bet had they been injured their parents would've been looking for compensation from the train company. I have to wonder at the mentality of kids that think it's fun to do dangerously stupid stuff like that, and why ? But I've already written enough about my opinions of what causes a lot of the problems with young people in general so I'm not gonna get started on that again.
I'm home, I've eaten and calm has been restored.
Albeit two hours late.

However the calm, tidy, peaceful environment I call home is about to be royally shattered in about an hours time.
The progeny is coming home for a month.
Yeah it will be nice to see him, but by the time I get home from work tomorrow the drum kit will be reassembled, every cup in the house will be dirty (why does he need a clean cup EVERY time he gets a drink - I just rinse out the one already used), and my new table will be piled up with crap.
Tomorrow I might deliberately be late home.
In fact I might walk home. . . just follow the train tracks

Still every cloud and all that.
I now have someone to bully bribe to go up the shop and make me a coffee.

And his cat will stop yowling at me.
If you ever want a really peaceful life NEVER get a Siamese cat.
Actually it's quite bizarre, Son and his cat seem to have a psychic connection. When he first moved in April his cat disappeared for about a week, I wasn't too worried at first as I have another one that often does this - they do say all cats have at least one other home - and since I hadn't seen either I presumed they were together. But when it got to over a week I was concerned and messaged Son.
He said he'd "send him a message".
This was about 11pm, an hour later I went into the kitchen and both 'missing' cats were sat on the table.

He does look a bit like this. . . 

Until today I had not seen the cat again for about four days, I came home this evening - did I mention TWO HOURS LATE Grrrr - and he was sat on the doorstep waiting.
Right now he's sat on the back of the sofa and he hasn't taken his eyes off the front door.
He knows Son is coming home.

At least one of us is looking forward to the impending chaos.

I have to go - guess who has just text me and said he has no English money on him and so can I pay for the taxi from the station.
And you can bet no cunt is gonna jump out in front of his train and delay my emptying purse.
Looks like the Bank Of Mum is back in business.

Don't bother copying my details - the account will be empty by tomorrow.

Off to the cashpoint I go. . . .

Wish I'd seen this a few years ago. Might change the word teenager to twenty something's and print it off - just in case he stays too long.



Update : re missing cats.
The comment from Fraser reminded me of this http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html



Saturday, 28 May 2011

pride and joy

That is just wrong.
How much do you care about your blog ?
I mean really care. Last night I was talking to a friend about mine and I realised that I actually feel quite maternal towards it.

And no, this isn’t some strange side effect of my current empty nest. Were I really suffering from that my cats would probably be dressed in baby clothes.
FYI they’re not.
I like my arms the way they are ie not covered in scratches.

In fact the side effect of Son leaving has been some rather bizarre dreams in which I am pregnant and in perilous situations needing to protect my bump. The other night I found myself about 8 months gone and in what appeared to be a seventies cop show shoot out.
Hmm . . . . It doesn’t take a degree in psychology to analyse that. The umbilical cord has been well and truly severed.

But anyway, last night. My mate thought I should’ve been offended by the review mentioned in the previous post. He said if he had put work into something that someone else then slated he wouldn’t be happy and he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t bothered.
I only showed him for a laugh and the silly twat got all defensive of me. Bless.

I said it’s all rather subjective, I’ve seen plenty of blogs that I don’t like. I never really thought anyone other then the few personal friends who know about it would read mine but here I am with my very own flock.
Just call me Bo-Peep.
Nah, scrap that - she lost hers.
If any of you lot leave me I will hunt you down like a motherfucker.

You can run but you cant hide.

But it was talking about that, and the fact that my words are now read by people all over the world and how pleased I am about that, that led me to realise that this blog is in fact, my baby.

If I don’t post here for a few days does that make me guilty of neglect. And if there are other bloggers who feel the same about theirs maybe it’s time we had Blog Protection Laws - what constitutes blog abuse ? Can you bully a blog ?
Is making a back up of your blog like getting your kid inoculated against mumps and measles.

And will my blog eventually grow up, develop a mind of it’s own and fuck off and leave me.

I find those people who post ‘follow me’ threads in forums quite sad, I like the fact that the people who do follow me did so because they read it and wanted to see more. But I can understand that it must be quite disheartening to think that of all the many thousands of people who now belong to blogger there is nobody who wants to read yours.
I suppose it depends why you blog really.
And the size of your ego.
I’ve never had a problem with self confidence, and I don’t need the approval of other people to validate myself. Of course it’s nice to be appreciated but I wouldn’t lose any sleep if no-one liked my baby. As long as Mummy loves you you’re ok.

I guess the blogs with no followers are the internet equivalent of the kid with nits and a snotty nose that nobody wants to play with.
There are a few I follow that have readers in the thousands, that takes some doing - and talent.
Well unless you want to fill your page with porn pics. Yeah those blogs (which I stumbled on purely by accident you understand - goddam next button ) often have tens of thousands of followers. And no doubt just as many anonymous ones.
I’d never do that - it’d be like sexually abusing it.

The blogger awards are nice too. I appreciate the ones I’ve received, but it got a bit silly for a while - there were a few that seemed to be going around given with instructions to pass to a set number of other people. Great. But it occurred to me that if everyone had one they lost their value. I see the same thing happening in the TCS forum with the Blogger Addict title for level 10s. When I first joined just a few longstanding members had them.
Now it’s like attending the end of term presentation, swelling with pride because your child’s won an award only to find that every kid got the same certificate.

So proud . . . . . .

I see the same thing happening with the levels in the blogger forums.
The point of levels was supposed to be an indication of length of time spent there and knowledge for the help forums, but there are a few stupid kids who use these ridiculous ‘game’ threads to level up very quickly.
Fucking idiots seem to think it’s a computer game.
It took me months to get to level 10 and earn my "blogger addict" title, not that it was any concern to me - I just enjoyed chatting with the people there - but the title means nothing when people are getting it after a couple of weeks. Ironic that they all strive to achieve something that meant little anyway, but has even less value now because they all did just that.
I wonder if any of them will read this ?

Hope so - then they’ll fuck off and not bother coming here again.

My precious child does not want to play computer games and be influenced by the 'special' kids.
Given that it’s the product of my grey matter it’s got enough to contend with.

I keep seeing people posting that they are having problems with gadgets and commenting - guess their babies are sick. It’s the same in any playground when a virus goes round, everyone gets sick sooner or later.
I’m sure Dr Google will find a cure.


My baby has been backed up and protected.
And now I realise how much it means to me I’ll smash your face in if you hurt it.

Who's the father ?

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

furry things that live in my house


I truly believe that the cat lost nothing from domestication
Your friendly, affectionate, attention loving lap-cat can go out at night and revert back to the primordial hunter. The only problem is it may well decide to bring some of the proceeds home in the morning as a token of its appreciation of you.
Well that's what they want us to think, in truth I suspect they want to scare us.
Feed me tuna or this can happen to you.
The Boss.

One of the places I’ve lived had a long back garden that backed onto what I can best describe as a wooded area, at the time my son was probably about 6 or 7, and most mornings when we’d step outside for the walk to school our cat had left a selection of the proceeds from the nights hunting on the doormat. This would include mice, voles, slow-worms, birds, frogs, grasshoppers, even a couple of grass snakes - all laid out fully intact but very dead.

I am currently owned by three.
I have a maincoon who is the ripe old age of 18, and very much the boss.

However despite his age he still has not worked out that if it’s raining outside the front door it will also be raining at the back. Every time it rains he miows at the front door - I open it - he looks out then goes to the back door - I open it - he looks out then goes to the kitchen window, then looks at me like it’s MY fault it’s fucking raining.
And if I try ignoring him after the front door he just howls at me until I go through the routine.

Feed me now or I'm leaving.
He prefers to go out the front of the house - he likes the attention from passers by, all the kids on our street know his name. Sometimes I’ve sat in the front room and listened to them talking to him. When he wants to come in he’ll scratch at the front door, the old lady who lives over the road asked me if she was seeing things or does my cat actually knock the door, he kinda jumps up and does it.
This cat has come home wearing a new collar that I never bought him more then once.

At one time I had students living next door to me and I’d often see him sat in their window - he even had his own chair in their house. It’s nothing unusual in the summer to not see him for a few days, however if I put a chicken in the oven all of a sudden there he is.
Me and son say he has a built in chicken detector.

In the summer if I smell a barbeque being cooked and look out the back window I’ll more then likely see him sat on the wall of whichever garden it’s being cooked in.
He loves ham, if there’s ham in the fridge every time one of us goes into the kitchen he follows and sits by the fridge.
But he only does this when there’s ham in it.

If he’s in and hungry and there is no food he knows when I go out I’m going to the shop and will leave with me, walk to the top of the road and be there waiting when I come back. If he’s been out and he comes in and the food bowl is full he won't let me so much as touch him, but if he comes in and it’s empty he’s the most friendly affectionate cat ever.
He won’t take food off my plate but will sit and watch me when I’m eating and he knows if I put a bit of meat to one side on the plate I’m saving that for him, so if any of the other cats come near they get batted away.

Once upon a time he had a habit of coming in the bathroom and sitting on the shelf at the end of the bath while I was in it. At first he would drink the bath water but I kept a plastic jug in there and would fill that with water for him. If I forgot he’d knock the jug in the bath to remind me. Until the day he came in and I wasn’t alone in the bath.
That was about 10 years ago and he hasn’t done it since.
Nowadays he likes to wait until I’m totally relaxed in the bath then come in and use the litter tray. Although any other time he prefers to go and do his business in the garden.

I don’t think I’m forgiven.

Poser
We also have a pure black cat, he is part Siamese and has the lean body type of one and the voice, although he is the most placid cat I’ve ever owned. This cat doesn’t even cry for food, he will just sit by the food bowl and wait.
He is totally devoted to son, I’m allowed to pet him but he does not like me picking him up and never sits on my lap - son can carry him round all day and just has to pat his leg once and the cat is there. He follows him around the house and will just sit and watch him whatever he is doing. He’ll come to the window to be let in but if I open it he will just sit there - I have to get son to call him.
I love only him

Son moved out for a while and lived with his girlfriend and he would occasionally take his cat with him for a night or two, but it was during this time that he finally started to come to me for affection, although once son moved back that stopped.

I’ll sometimes find him sleeping in my room but as soon as I walk in he either goes under my bed or leaves.
The only time he actually comes to me for affection now is if son is drawing or playing xbox - and all the time I’m fussing him he’s looking at son.

I’m convinced he’s just trying to make him jealous.

And finally I have the spoilt brat mummys boy.
Crashed cat
This one was hand reared from two weeks, so he is socialised to the extreme. Loves a cuddle, and I mean a proper squeeze-me, and all the time I’m doing so will ‘talk’, and try to touch my face. So cute.
I know he lays all over me when I’m asleep too as there have been times when I’ve woken to find white fur all over whatever top I’ve slept in.
My friends have said that I think he’s my baby, I don’t, but he does.
I’m quite convinced he’d let me breast feed him if I wanted to, which I don’t.

Having a wash in the sink
He has some odd habits though, for instance he loves washing up sponges, and he’s not bothered if they’re wet, he’s tried to take one of my hand before now as I’m using it. His new ‘thing’ is my pastry brush. It’s kept in a pot on a shelf above my cooker with the wooden spoons and about a week ago he was in my bedroom playing with something and at first I thought it was probably a sponge. When I realised it was the brush I took it off him, washed it and put it back thinking maybe I’d left it on the side as I’d been sorting out the kitchen earlier that day.

Get off the laptop and look at me.
Two days later son was sat at the kitchen table and watch him jump on the worktop and remove it from the pot.
I really don’t know what the attraction is, but I think I need to buy a new one now. 
He has learnt that when I’m on the laptop I don’t want him on my lap so he will lay up my arm with his head on my shoulder, then gradually work his way down.

We also watch videos on you tube together, so much that I have a list of his favourites on my account.
But he loves ‘the two talking cats’ the most - he talks back to them



Makes me wonder what they’re really saying…..

I'm convinced they're plotting the enslavement of the human race.


And finally a rare picure of the furball three sharing the sofa.

Yup, I know what they're thinking.




Cat Quotes

Cats cooperate, dogs perform.
Brad Thompson

The cat seldom interferes with other people's rights. His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life.
Carl Van Vechten

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
Dereke Bruce

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
Doug Larson

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.
Ellen Perry Berkeley

Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience.
Pam Brown

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days.
Bill Dana

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
Mary Bly

The cat is the only animal which accepts the comforts but rejects the bondage of domesticity.
Georges Louis Leclerc de Buffon

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
Terry Pratchett

Everything I know I learned from my cat: When you're hungry, eat. When you're tired, nap in a sunbeam. When you go to the vet's, pee on your owner.
Gary Smith

It is impossible for a lover of cats to banish these alert, gentle, and discriminating little friends, who give us just enough of their regard and complaisance to make us hunger for more.
Agnes Repplier

A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it.
Joseph Epstein

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.
Hippolyte Taine

Although all cat games have their rules and rituals, these vary with the individual player. The cat, of course, never breaks a rule. If it does not follow precedent, that simply means it has created a new rule and it is up to you to learn it quickly if you want the game to continue.
Sidney Denham

You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.
George Mikes

Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll on a dead fish.
James Gorman

Of all the toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled, and it makes a sound when you jump on it.
Stephen Baker

Who among us hasn't envied a cat's ability to ignore the cares of daily life and to relax completely?
Karen Brademeyer

If I called her she would pretend not to hear, but would come a few moments later when it could appear that she had thought of doing so first.
Arthur Weigall

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Jeff Valdez

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
Mark Twain Notebook, 1895

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.
Will Cuppy

The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world.
Lynn M. Osband