it's a man thing

I have a friend who has just started living with her boyfriend. They’re both in their early forties so it’s not the first time either have lived with a partner, but from what she’s said it seems they've completely forgotten what it's like to live with a member of the opposite sex.
What is supposed to be a new phase in their relationship is starting to sound like a broken record.

I realise that the toilet seat is always going to be an issue between men and women.

I know it can be a bit of a shock if you get up for a wee in the middle of the night without putting the light on and sit on the always fucking freezing hard bowl, but it’s still preferable to sitting in drips.
I know, I live with someone who NEVER puts the fucking seat up.
Been a few times I’ve sat without checking and a quick wee turned into a shower.
As in me needing to take a shower - think I should clarify that.

She was moaning about him watching football on the telly the other day, he’s a man he’s bound to want to watch football - and there is no point trying to talk to one when he’s doing that.
Go and read a book or have some 'me' time.

At least he's not gone to the pub to watch it with his mates and return pissed four hours later. 

If she had any sense she’d realise that when a man is watching his team it’s actually a good time to get him to agree to things.

Ask him a question that requires a simple yes or no and he will probably say yes just to get you to shut up without really registering what the question was.

Actually I think being the mother of a male child has made me much more tolerant of men.

A long time ago, when he was about 15 I was out with a group of friends, all of whom were having a bitch about the ‘man things’ their boyfriends and husbands do and I realised that I could’ve joined in and talked about my son.

I’ve brought him up on my own, believe me if ever there was a man who had been raised not to do those annoying little things, and bearing in mind there’s been no man around for him to learn them from, then he is it.

But as soon as puberty hit and he had hairs on his chin all my careful programming went straight out the window.

He’s been doing his own washing since he was about 13 - entirely his choice.
I’m no domestic goddess, he got fed up with going to school in pink shirts and life skills are good to learn.
However eleven years later he still has to ask me what programme to use every fucking time he puts a wash on.

If he washes the dishes he will do it well, but he just washes the dishes - it doesn’t seem to register that you should also wash the worktops and put the rubbish out.
But then that would probably be classed as multitasking so obviously he can’t do that.

He can only screw things in an anti-clockwise direction which renders him incapable of replacing the lids on juice bottles and caps on the toothpaste, in time I’m sure this disability will be the cause of many DIY disasters.
Although he will of course blame whatever tools he’s using.

He doesn’t drive at the moment but will definitely need help when he does as like most men his sense of direction is clearly a bit broken.
I know this because he can find his way to the fridge to get things out, but he apparently gets lost when it’s time to put them back.

He never really listens to me. Even when I say 'are you listening' and I know he is, he still forgets what I've said 30 mins later.
He is forever losing his keys, but just inside our front door there is a shelf and we had a conversation about putting a hook on it for the keys, he said it was a good idea, helped me find a hook and was actually talking to me when I put the hook up.
The next day I tidied up and on finding his keys on the floor put them on the hook. I then went round to my sisters and while there I get a phone call,
"have you seen my keys mum ?"
"they're on the hook"
"what hook? "

What he has taught me is that although it might be a bit of a cliché to say ‘it’s because he’s a man’, for the most part that really is true.
So if you want to live with one you really need to resign yourself to those things then just get over it.

*Hilarious toilet picture courtesy of Acorn - check out his website here http://www.sevenoaksart.co.uk/
 Or you can read his blog http://milk-salesman.blogspot.com/